A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up just over 3 months ago now. We were together nearly 4 years and before we got together we were best friends for 6 years. It has been the worst 3 months for me and I'm still not over him even a little bit. I loved him so much and we had a very close and loving relationship and we have tried to stay friends.Anyway, as I said its now been 3 months and last weekend I discovered he has been seeing another girl for 2 of them. She is actually in our friendship group and it turns out everyone knew they were together except me. I am completely heartbroken and feel humiliated. I can't believe he kept it from me when we were meant to be friends. Anyway, this week he has started confiding in me again about his life and wanting to be close friends. This weekend I moved house and he text me to say sorry he wasn't around to help me move but could we meet up this week. The reason he wasn't around was becuase he was on a cozy weekend away with her. I haven't replied and he has since text me again. I'm so confused I don't know what to do. He is ademant he doesn't want to get back with me and that he really likes this new girl. I have written him a letter explaining how I feel and that I can't be his friend anymore but I can't bring myself to send it. I'm scared of losing his friendship forever but I can't be around him while he is with her.What shall I do?
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female
reader, ladybug  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 That's tough! you know, it'a very hard to stay friends at that condition, if you're disgusted about your situation, feel free not to be involved anymore, i know it's hard, but it's a good start, have some self respect, make them feel that their not your lost! moved on girl, there's plenty of good things in front of you.
A
female
reader, FanPi  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 I have recently been in a somewhat similar situation. I have been with the guy of my dreams for about 5.5 years, awhen I found out he was having an affair for the last year. He sais he still loves be, but that he would like to get to know this girl and so he broke up with me, leaving be begging him no tot do it and crying because the man of my dreams left me for someone else.
I have done it the VERY hard way. I loved him sooo much, that I was certain that if I just broke contact with him, I would never really get over him, and I would always love him. So, I decided to stay friends, knowing that he was with this other girl. Well, it was and still is a painful route, and I still cry occasionally. But you know what, I now am friends with him and now that I see the person he has become, I see that he is not the guy I fell in love with, and certainly not the man of my dreams, not the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I would like a guy where I cam feel safe and secure, and not someone that would run off to the next girl he likes.
Now that 6 months have passed since we broke up, he is starting to miss me as his girlriend. He says that she is nothing compared to me, not in beauty and certainly not in character, and he is very sorry he broke up with me. I still love him, but I don't want to get back together with a guy that would'n give up a simple crush for me.
My advice to you is letting him know you will be his friend, and pretend you will get over him. Or maybe not pretend, just try to really do it. Don't be there for him everyday, instead, make him miss you, the person he has been with for so many years. Make him se that he can't have it both ways, and that you will be able to love another guy that is not him. I am sure that when he sees that you are getting over him, and that you are liking a new guy, and that you are not interested in seeing him everyday, that he will start to really miss you. It's not a 100% sure bet, but it is worth a try. After all, he is with this girl so you might as weel start by trying to let go of him and starting a new life.
Succes with everything, and let us know what you have decided.
Much love.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 June 2007):
 You have known one another for a very long time so it's only natural he still cares for you. He's been able to move on a lot quicker than you have. I would text him back and say "thanks for asking to meet up with me next week but it doesn't suit me, I've already made arrangements and will be busy most of it" or words to that effect. You're not nearly over him so why put yourself through that pain, sitting with him when you still wish you were with him. It's better that you keep away from him for a bit and let him get on with this new woman.
It seems to me he wants his cake and eat it. He wants to be with her but he wants YOU in his life too, because he still cares for you but also to relieve the guilt he feels for finishing with you. Giving him a wide berth for the time being will give you the chance to get the space from him that you need and it will also serve the purpose to see if he misses not having you around as often.
In the meantime KEEP BUSY! Go out with friends, throw yourself into a hobby, go to night classes with a girlfriend and try something totally different - cooking, pottery, flower arranging, painting... anything that keeps you busy and takes your mind off him. You'll find you think of him less and less, you'll have fun and meet lots of new friends in the process. :o)
Eve
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 June 2007):
 Obviously he still cares for you and that is why no one wanted to tell you about him and his new girl as they new how it would effect you, don't send this letter just yet maybe you could send him a text or something saying you understand that he would like to remain friends and that you would also but please could he give you a bit of time as you are getting used the fact he is now with a friend of yours.
Give it a while i know it hurts at the moment but you will move on with your life and keep him as a friend if thats what you still want.
Take care.xx.
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