A
female
age
36-40,
*elehcs
writes:What should I do? Im 27 years old.. Im not in love with my husband, Ben anymore.. I have a 6 year old kid.. My story is like this. He was my boyfriend during my college years.. After graduation, I move back in our province, then I met again my super crush , his name is Cris, when I was 8 years old ( that was 6 years ago). We fall in love with each other and I tried to broke up with Ben.. But unfortunately, I was pregnant already with Ben that time.. Cris offered to be the father of my kid since he is my boyfriend that time already but there nothing really physical contact that happened to us.. I cried and cried because I dont want to loose cris, because he is all I really wanted.. But how about the kid in me? I dont believed in abortion.. So I decided to choose Ben over Cris since Ben is the father of my kid.. I really love cris.. And actually until now, he's the one I really love.. But I chose what's the best for my kid, to have a complete family even though I know I would suffer.. But the problem is until now Im still dreaming of life with cris.. I and ben always fight.. And later, he found out my feeling to cris.. He talked to me and said, we have to save the marriage.. I know it's the best thing to do.. But I know that would not make me happy..
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 Try to separate your own marriage from wanting to get together with Cris. When your heart is not fully with your husband, you are bound to find faults with him. When I look at suffering in a marriage I think about abuse, alcohol, gambling and cheating. If you encounter those it is essential that you get a divorce now, regardless of where Cris is. If your arguing is about "what happened to the sexual spark?" "We never have time anymore," "You don't do enough in the house." Then I think the marriage is salvageable, but only if you forget about Cris.
You married your husband out of duty, at least this is what you thought. Imagine for a moment if Cris did not exist is it more possible for you to love your husband? Is your suffering because you missed out on your chance on Cris or is your husband really that bad. When you decided to marry your husband, it's important that you cut off all contact with Cris and devote to your husband only. That is your only chance to make your marriage work. Disagreements is a part of life, it is how you handle conflicts. I do think that one who is devoted in a marriage would try not to let conflicts escalate so much to make a break up happen. Is there a possibility that you subconsciously wanted it to break up so you have Cris to fall back on? Feelings are the most intense when you can't have somebody. When you are infatuated with someone you don't forsee problems, you only see the good in them. So there is no guarantee that with Cris your relationship is all smooth. Who is to say that Cris wants a relationship with you if you happen to want anything serious with him? After you have tried everything with your husband, and go to therapy together, then you can say you tried your best and you have no regrets. If you have to divorce your husband, do it for yourself and your happiness. Don't do it for Cris.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): ". . . [Cris] said we have to save the marriage.. I know it's the best thing to do.. But I know that would not make me happy.."Too bad. Would you prefer to traumatize your child for life by breaking up his/her home and family so you can indulge in a juvenile fantasy by chasing after a schoolgirl crush who wants no part of destroying an innocent six-year-old's world?You made the choice to have sex with Ben and you made the choice to marry him when he knocked you up. Good thing Cris respects the sanctity of your marriage as well as realizing that as a mother you should be putting your child's emotional well-being and long-term best interests over your libido. You paint yourself as a romantic martyr because you did what's best for your kid (whom you can't even be bothered identifying by gender). Well, that's what a mother is supposed to do. Very fortunate for your son or daughter that Cris is there to remind you of the obvious instead of exploiting your ongoing hots for him. Give Cris a break, buzz off, let him go on with his life and concentrate on being a good mother if you are incapable of being a good wife to Ben.
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