A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone!My gf and I have been in a relationship for almost 2 yrs now. We're both 21 and love each other a lot and have a very good understanding and completely trust each other blindly. We have been having a long distance relationship since the past 5 months now. She goes to university in her final year and I am working now. We live in different countries. Since we have been in our LDR there has always been a little tension between the two of us and it was due to the frustration of being apart for so many months. So I decided to book a ticket and visit her on her birthday. We had an amazing 2-3 days together and talked about a lot of stuff and got everything back on track. Just as I was leaving, out of nowhere I find this picture on her laptop of her and one of her guy friends in a night out, drunk and very close to each other (almost a kiss, not exactly). I got very angry and couldnt believe it and immediately asked her for explanations. She said she really honestly did not remember that moment and that nothing at all happened and has ever happened. It was a shock for me at that moment and I believe her and trust her and I know she musnt have done anything but that picture just completely put me off. She got very scared and upset herself and couldnt believe what she had done herself. She was going to the airport herself so I dropped her off and we didnt say a word to each other during the journey and then I simply said bye and went my way. I sent her a text telling her to sort herself out and then talk to me and that we're on a break. She then sent me a text back saying that she really didnt do anything with that guy and she didnt want to use alcohol as an excuse. She also said that she cant forgive herself for what she has done to me and said she cant look at me in the eye since she feels really stupid. We then chatted for a while trying to sort out things. I came to the conclusion that I will definitely give her another chance since I know her really well and she wouldnt do such thing to me since she genuinely loves me and I didnt want to let go of her because I love her too much. She told me that right now I wont believe her but she wont drink anymore etc. My question to all of you is:-I know that she is feeling terrible herself and I have told her that I need some time off her for a while but in this time what can I do to make her feel bad for what she has done? I know that maybe some of you may think that I shouldnt be doing this to my gf but I just think that she deserves punishment since she has put me through hard times too. This is not some kind of revenge, instead it is to make her realise of what she has done. Please I want genuine comments and not comments saying that I should leave her etc. Thank you all!
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a break, different countries, drunk, long distance, revenge, text, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply xxflicexx! And I agree with you as I did with the others. I have already forgiven my gf and told her that I really love her and still trust her and believe when she says nothing has happened. I believed her at that very moment too but the picture just made me angry because I never imagined my gf to be like this. She herself told me that she is not that kind of person. I am not taking revenge from her or anything. I haven't done anything to make her feel bad after I read the comments. I told her that I am here for her if she needs my help on anything.
Whatever I wrote here was because I was angry at that time and it can happen to anyone. I know my gf and she doesn't even like to get attention from other boys and she stays away from them and thats why I was a bit shocked to see a picture of her like that.
So its all good now. She said she needs some time herself because she couldn't believe it herself since she has never been like this. I am going to see her again in a week.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the replies!
The comments are really so great. First of all, I just want to clarify to everyone that yes I do really love her a lot. We are both each others first in everything. We have also had a live in relationship where we lived together for a year and I got to know everything about her and I just have that "right" feeling about her. Meaning that she is the one I want to marry because I think what we have had is very special.
Coming to all of your comments, normally I do act mature on situations but I think this was just a fit that I had. She has also assured to me everytime that she wants to end up with me too and that she only loves me and I do believe her. I think all of you are right and maybe I am being too harsh on her because yes it was an awkward and unexpected picture but they didnt really kiss (atleast in the picture) and she also told me that nothing happened because if it did then her friends would talk about it and even the guy would.
It can happen to anyone, and like any other person I also got angry. Deep inside I know that she hasnt done anything in these past months and that she is loyal to me. I also want to assure to people that I havent done any sort of stupid thing with her either because I am not that kind of person. Regarding the point to leave her, well I dont think I can do that because I really just cant. I completely love her and I still trust her and she also tells me that she cannot live without me so I dont think that will happen. I do not even think of leaving her, I prefer to fix.
Once again, thank you all for the amazing comments because they help a lot.
Thanks!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Call it whatever you like but in the end, you and I both know that what you want is vengeance. She already told you that she cannot look you in the eye anymore, she already told you that she feels stupid and that she regrets what she has done. What more can you ask for to prove how terribly she truly feels about this? Looking someone in the eye means a lot, for her to fear it means something does it not? If you think such a thing is meaningless, I suggest you do leave her because she deserves to be treated with respect and support from her boyfriend. You have clearly not forgiven her yet so I suggest you leave her alone for now.
In asking this, in supporting hateful, vengeful thoughts, do YOU realize what YOU have done? I suppose not. Good luck with this relationship. I suggest you think to yourself and forgive her, truly and unconditionally. She does not deserve any sort of 'punishment'.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Personally, I don't think she deserves punishment. You saw a picture that looked like they were about to kiss... but it wasn't a picture of them actually kissing. They could have just been flirting, in drunkeness (as male and females can't help doing)... and someone snapped a photo of it.
The first thing I want to mention is that you both are in a long distance relationship. I too, have done long distance relationships, three times now. They are not easy! And sometimes, no matter how much you love a person it's hard not to seek out attention from the opposite sex. I never cheated any of the times I was in a long distance relationship, but I admit, I did flirt at times.
I know you shouldn't ever use alcohol as an excuse, but in this case, I feel like the whole thing was completely innocent. I think you have already made her feel bad enough as it is. She said nothing happed and never has, and yet she feels bad for what she's done to you? What has she done, but committed an honest act that humans do when they are in need of attention? You can't say that you've never casually flirted with a girl from the opposite sex during the five months you've been away from your girlfriend? I'd say you were lying if you didn't. Unless you had proof of her kissing him in that photo, I would not have jumped to conclusions so fast.
Asking for an explantion is okay, but making her feel bad when she has said sorry is wrong. I think she really does genuinely love you, and you should let go of that picture. She seems like she truly wants to change, so believe her. Long distance relationships will only work if both of you trust each other. Trust that she didn't do anything, and don't jump to conclusions if you don't have proof of anything.
Sorry for being so blunt! But I only speak the truth... I hope this helps. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue  +, writes (22 November 2010):
You want to punish her because she did nothing? If she actually had done something I'd understand but getting drunk with friends is pretty soft for you to get upset over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): dear poster, no one takes long distance relationships too seriously if you don't see each other in a regular basis. she obviously kept her options open all the time. it was to be expected. she obviously thought you were doing the same. you are both in different pages.she is not so serious about the relationship as you are.
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