A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please take the time to read I would really appreciate ANY advice...I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who does a lot for me and I've fallen in love with him. We've been together 5 months, get on great and have a good physical connection, only problem is I told him I loved him and he said he loves spending time with me and misses me when we're apart so he "guesses" he loves me but not in the same way - I asked if he meant as a friend and he said no that I was more than a friend to him. He said he thought I was beautiful, fun to be with, that he's happy when we're together and misses me when we're apart and that he can't see a future where I'm not in it - that he'd be upset if we split, so why doesn't he feel the same?? I've had a lot of problems - abusive ex (with who I had a child who lives with me - my new partner has really bonded with them and is wonderful with them too) money problems and self esteem issues and he's been a rock throughout, patient, understanding and reassuring but this situation is making me very depressed - he never talks about his feelings and I need to talk A LOT but because he doesn't talk (in his words he's "emotionally introverted") I don't feel I can tell him how I'm feeling. I took the plunge and told him what I've been desperate to tell him for ages and I didn't get the reply I'd really hoped for :-( Now I don't know what to do :-( He acts like he loves me which confuses things even more! I don't want to separate and I don't think it's even crossed his mind. I got upset and he cuddled me and tried to reassure me but without him being able to say those 3 words I'm at a loss at what to do... Is it me? Am I expecting too much? Do you think he'll ever feel that way? A bit of background is that his partner of 9 years walked out on him just over a year ago - they were married but only briefly and I genuinely believe he's over her as I have also brought this up - both in the discussion and throughout the relationship) and have been very insecure about his ex throughout our relationship - he has always reassured me and acts very "loving" towards me.For those of you thinking he may just want to look after me, we have also discussed this and he says he's with me because he wants to be with me. We spend about 3 - 4 nights a week together despite living 70 miles apart and both having busy work lives - he's very open with every other aspect of his life, has arranged for me to meet his parents and that's coming up soon and has booked a holiday just the two of us. Should I be concerned? Please someone give me their opinion, am I wasting my time or should I just be patient? Sorry for the long post, any replies greatly appreciated, I know this probably doesn't sound like a big deal but to me it's the biggest deal in the world. Thank you for reading x
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depressed, his ex, insecure, money, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): Honey, the guy loves you big time! From my experience I can tell guys are not much into words (not as much as us girls are...) and, as they say, actions speak louder than words... what the guy is showing you here is plain love. He doesn't shout it out loud, he proves it every day. He doesn't promise, he does. Be happy and enjoy this nice man by your side! Big hug!
A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (3 March 2011):
I Love You can be very powerful... I remember when I was dating a girl, whom i lost my virginity to (she had lost it at 16, but we were both 18 when i gave her mine), right after our first time, she said "I love you" and out of impulse i responded the same thing back. After it i felt disgusted that I would say it so easily and that it was so insignificant to her (Once she left her msn open and being curious i looked at her old messages, and she has told several guys "I love you" just after giving them oral sex, when it was clear they just wanted her body). If he cares about you, dont be concerned, just wait for him to say those words and when he does they will mean so much more
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 No sweetie you shouldnt be concerned. Someone telling you 'i love you' is only words its actions that speak for themselves and from what you have said he is treating you really well and showing you that he cares about you. He obviously cares very deeply about you and wants to be with you he is just not ready to tell you he loves you yet. Which is also a good sign because at least he is being honest with you, some men throw those three words around a lot but dont actually mean it, so try and be thankful that he is being honest with you.
He finished with his ex over a year ago and it does sound like he is over her, but I bet he was hurt when it first happened and he may have built up a barrier never to fall for someone again because he was probably really hurt. But sweetie its obvious from your post that he deeply cares about you and wants to be with you. Just give him time and I bet he will tell you when he is ready that he loves you. Try and not worry about those three little words and concentrate on the way he shows his love rather than him saying it. I know it can be depressing but sweetie he will soon be in the same place as you are. So no I dont think you are wasting your time with him, just stick it out and try and be as happy as possible. There shouldnt be a rush for him to tell you he loves you, you have all of your life to wait for those three words. So for now just enjoy spending time with each other. Goodluck hunny and all the best.
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