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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Why do i feel before getting married that i am going to enter a war and that i have to be prepared with weapons of arguments i can use against the person i will be getting married to. This will ensure that i establish a supremacy over her for her entire life so that she doesn't leave me for someone else or degrade me as a person. Before she can do anything like that, i must be prepared for the next attack with a very strong argument to defeat her. Am i a born WARRIOR? Is marriage a war? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): If you think that you must have supreme control over your wife in a marrriage for fear of her leaving you, this is not about war, this is about you having serious anger management and control issues....this is a recipe for abuse, you sound like you are at risk for being an abuser of women.
It also, sounds like a plea for help, that you know on some level, this is not the way it is supposed to be, and this is not the way to create happiness for yourself, let alone a wife.
I suggest that you get some counseling to work through these issues with a professional, they won't go away by themselves. Ask your family doctor for a referral to a licencsed therapist and or psychologist. It shows strength of character to recognize a problem and to do the work to correct it...
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 With a post like this, I can only hope you never get married. I think you're missing out on the true meaning of marriage. Marriage is a way of saying, "I love you so much, I want to be with you and be your friend forever.".
Your wife is not the enemy. "Will you marry me?" should not be the equivalent of throwing down the gauntlet. A marriage should be based on mutual respect, not a means for you to control someone. A marriage is not about arguments, all though sometimes they happen. Arguments are a way for two people to grow together, and they just happen. They are not a war.
Your wife should not be the enemy. She should be your equal and you should respect her as much, if not more, than you respect yourself.
Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful thing. A womana shouldn't make you feel like you need to "defeat" her. Something in your past, perhaps that's embedded itself into your head to make you believe that marriage is a war and you are a warrior? Perhaps a little therapy to see what's lurking in the back of your mind.
Please don't get married until you've sorted this out. I'd hate to see a woman be miserable, defeated and deflated with you.
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 Did you post the other question about universal truth. I think so. If you did , lighten up. You're not always right.
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A
male
reader, Doc Thairish  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 well my uneducated friend, my only advise is dont get married coz u will only make the lady unhappy!
sorry but thats the truth!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): You are thinking like that because every marriage has arguments in plus many marriages end in divorce (a lot of the time due to affairs). But also you have got to remember that marriages not only have their downs they have their ups as well and some married couples live together until one of them dies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Oh dear, marriage is supposed to be a union based on trust,respect, love and friendship. A foundation for the nurturing of offspring in a secure,loving environment. To contemplate marriage as a warzone and your wife the enemy is appalling.I was married to a man like yourself and guess what I left him, because he never gave me the love and respect I deserved, his aggressiveness just drove me away. I got out of his warzone and guess who was left shell shocked? Him! I think you need to go to counselling about this before you even think about tying the knot with any woman.
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