A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi all.Just wondering, since I have come out of a serious relationship, when I finally get into a new realtionship, is there anyway that I can settle with the idea that the relationship will not start seriously?I have only ever really been in a serious relationship, due to the fact that keeping the thing going took a lot of work due to long distance. This has made me now look ahead to my next one. Will starting slowly be much of a challenge? I don't want to dive into something straight away and feel like I'm going to be with this person for the rest of my life, because in all likelyhood, this will not be the case (Not that I know this for sure). I don't want to do anything too fast that will maybe scare her away.I hope my question is clear. I'm having a hard time trying to explain it. I'm already pretty sure that the answer to this question will vary on whoever the next person is, but I'm just looking at it from the point of view of myself; I don't want to be the cause of wrecking things due to being much too hasty, So, is there anyway I can help myself with this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): As a woman who is currently seeing a man who seems to have the same issue the best advice I can give is initially try to slow down a little. Take the time to get to know each other and enjoy each others company... have fun with it. When you get to know her better I also suggest that you be honest with her. It is ok to let her know how you feel, especially that you tend to get serious too quickly, but be open to her responses and do not take offense to them too quickly. Just because she may not yet feel as serious as you do does not mean she is not interested or that she may not feel the same way in the future. As a woman who tends to develop feelings a little slower (mainly I'm cautious because of bad past experiences) we can be afraid that someone who is rushing is either faking or may be misinterpretting their feelings. If we give in too soon we either risk getting hurt or hurting a really nice guy who we may like but there really wasn't time to get to see what we liked about each other before it got too serious.
A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (29 July 2007):
 Have had long-distance relationships in the past so kinda know where you're coming from.
The way I worked it (if it can be called that) is to make it clear what the score was at the start. i.e. if I was into a girl and she was into me, I'd actually say that this was not going to turn into something long term and all I was looking for was a night...
It worked for me, but depends on the gal...and your lonlieness on that particular day/night.
Then you can take it from there...if u want to...
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