A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts/Uncles,My question has arisen from something that is a bit of a long story. My partner and I have been together for 5 years and I love him dearly. However we have had a lot of problems, mainly with him being moody and this results in arguments. Just recently we had a big bust up and are now on a 'break'. We talked today about the pros and cons of making it work and I got a bit upset (not angry, but upset) and admitted that I am finding it hard to get over the idea of not being with him (we have been very close, talked about living together and have spent holidays, xmas, easter etc together with my children and his children who are all teenagers, over the last 3 years and with a view to staying together long term) and I (stupidly I suppose!) said to him that I would try and find a way to get over him/not feel so needy of him and I said 'maybe if I went out with another man as a casual thing it would distract me and help me to move on' (I was being frank about my feelings but I maybe deep down I was trying to 'test' him). I am NOT a 'gamey' person -and we have agreed we will always be friends no matter what - but when I said this about trying to move on/move away (in response to him saying to me that he thought it would be really hard for us to make things work) he got quite angry and said 'oh that's really weak that is, going out with another guy for fun' etc etc ..He knows full well that I can stand alone as I have done in the past and have stood strong throughout all his problems and supported him too so he is just saying that out of spite I guess. I just wondered WHY he would come out with that? I would have thought, that as he holds out such slim hopes for us to reconcile our differences and has at times talked about being on his own for a bit, that he would have welcomed the idea of me being distracted and moving onto new things. I am 42 and have brought up my children alone and have stood alone and can do and he KNOWS this. However with him, I DO find it difficult due to the nature of our attachment and I am trying to read him. He is not a 'player' and he has a complex personality. Any suggestions would be welcome
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Thanks. I think you are right but he won't be honest!! I've been honest with him but he's just put up a protective screen.............I can practically SEE it around him (seriously!) after he got very badly hurt from his marriage. And he seems to have put up more of a screen lately and I find I can only get past it if I CONSTANTLY re-assure him that I love him etc etc .... of course having an argument didn't help cos we yelled some pretty nasty things to each other. His confidence is dented and he is insecure but he is also a lovely guy in many ways. He looks so sad and I think inside he is scared but I feel like I'm the one sticking my neck out and being honest and he is just playing his cards close to his chest. Thanks your response made me feel a bit clearer. x
A
female
reader, wwwchrissy +, writes (26 February 2008):
 Well think about it. He is testing you as you are testing him and neither of you are giving the right responses. Don't put each other to the test. You are not mind readers! BE HONEST!
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