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I don't want to leave my boyfriend, but I can't help but wonder of what could have been

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 October 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 October 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've began dating my first boyfriend around 3 weeks ago. He's a great guy and treats me better than I thought any guy ever would. I've got unbelievable guilt now because I feel something in me telling me that this isn't right. It's almost like there's something missing.

Before we started this relationship, I'd had very strong feelings for a guy that I had much more in common with (i.e religion and moral standards). This "crush" lasted for a very long time and dwindled only after my heart was broken by a lie someone told me about him.

Well, to understand this you might need to know that I am a very Christian girl and my boyfriend isn't. After we started dating, I found out that he slept with another girl before we got together. I am saving myself for marriage. It scares me to know that he was with another girl when I won't get that close to him (if that makes sense). He won't even tell me who it was...

But the ex-crush has never kissed a girl or anything (same as me). I don't want to leave my boyfriend, but I can't help but wonder of what could have been.

Should I stuff these feelings and doubts away? I believe that if God truly wants me to be with the old crush then he'll bring us back together. I'm not a cheater and wouldn't ever entertain the idea. I just don't know how to feel.

View related questions: christian, crush

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010):

If you are already having doubts after 3 weeks it sounds like you really know what you want - a Christian boy - so if you decide to finish it now with this one, it will hurt him less than if you did it later.

Congratulations on deciding what you really want. It helps!!

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A male reader, morris_say United Kingdom +, writes (13 October 2010):

Stuffing feelings and doubts away will just make them grow and worsen. You need to be honest with him and honest with yourself. Talk to him about how you're feeling, if he's such a great guy like you say then the two of you will be able to work things out. It may be that you'd be better off without a boyfriend right now if you're burying feelings about someone else and wondering about "what could have been"... only you can decide that.

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