A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a horrible person. I cheated on my husband who is a wonderful man whilst he was away working. I was out of control and do not know who the person is that I became over the past 6 weeks. I had been drinking a lot and met someone, there was no sex however there was kissing and lying in bed together. I absolutely hate myself and feel like my world is falling down around me. I am married to a wonderful man and although we do have problems (as any relationship does) he did not deserve this terrible, terrible mistake. The guilt is eating me up inside and I don't know whether to tell him or not? Sometimes I feel like I just want to run away as I feel everywhere in this town is a constant reminder. I have daily, constant headaches, bad dreams and feel as if I am carrying a 70kg Block on my shoulders. I don't want to lose my husband, we are planning to try to have children next year. I don't know how I could live without him but everything just feels like a lie. What do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): If it is any consolation, in my case I forgave my wife for more than that. One partner being away at work, and someone feeling lonely, can have strange impacts on the brain and our thinking. Your reaction to this is not terribly surprising and it may get worse over time, be prepared for this to happen.You may have relationship issues, sexual issues, and other problems related to this, whether you tell your husband or not.Drugs (alcohol and others) cause us to feel better if we are not feeling good to start with many times. Then we start doing things under the influence that we wouldn't do otherwise, because we feel good and don't recognize the fact that it is the substance messing up our thinking.Then, the effects wear off, you feel immense regret, guilt, and feel terrible, and your mood is awful.So, you drink/dope up, it suppresses this feeling, and you feel better intoxicated, with subsequent bad decisions, etc.This can create a vicious cycle, with a lot of disordered thinking.You might want to quit drinking completely, as this may be a problem for you.Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your advice. I didn't know this person nor have had any further contact or intend to. It was just someone I met on a night out with some friends. I think counselling is a good idea as I'm very confused as to why I would want to wreck my own life. Thank you again for your replies, it helps to talk about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): I have had the same thing happen.
Just remember that you don't have kids yet, this is important. Don't get pregnant yet.
Drugs and Alcohol don't go well when impulses need controlled, and mistakes are much easier to make when they are around.
First, break off all contact with the other man, you need to clear your mind and he is just like a drug, just like alcohol, it causes you to not think as clearly.
Then try to figure out why you did what you did. Get counseling, don't try to do this alone. Only then do you tell your husband, when you have figured out part of it at least.
For the children that aren't born, don't have kids while covering this up, it will eat you alive in the end and if he finds out after you have children (or are just pregnant) it will make it more difficult for both of you.
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A
female
reader, tblondie1826  +, writes (22 September 2010):
Tell him. If he loves you and you explain to him how sorry you are he will eventually forgive you. He may not trust you for a while, but that's something to expect.
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