A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a guy with 2 sons who live with him. I don't have children of my own. He doesn't want more children. He wants to move to put the children to a new school and he has a found a job in the area, which is 2 hours drive away. He wants me to go too and he says he has a friend there that could possibly get me a job. (of course I must have a job, can't come for free!). I think this would be a giant mistake and have told him so but he says that the children only have 3 and 5 years of school left and then they'll be off to university or whatever and I mustn't ruin a wonderful relationship over what is basically a temporary situation. He also says that we can have a fantastic relationship without adding more children to it, and we can look forward to so much as a family with his kids.I said he is asking too much - I don't get the option of having children but he expects me to keep up a relationship in circumstances he has, by his actions, made incredibly difficult. He is a wonderful man but I think he's expecting too much from me and not going to give much in return. Has anyone else ever been faced with something similar? I can hardly believe what he is expecting of me, and he seems to think it is perfectly normal, reasonable and acceptable.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 March 2012):
I think that you two have probably gone as far as you can. He has put his children first, which is correct and proper. But he can't really expect you to move for him, and then turn off your own biological urges.
If you want children, best to move on now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): I have never been in this situation- my opinion is if you want children you have to break up with him. He isn't going to do that with you and he is being selfish and inconsiderate to think that his children should be ok for your only family if you really want to do that. Not having a child is not a temporary situation for you, and you are already close to the age where may be difficult for you to do that. It's good that he cares for his children and he wants the best for them obviously, but he will never care for you the same way or really put you first which is evidenced by him expecting you to change your whole life for him and to forgo having a child of your own. If you stay with him you will most likely come to resent him and the loss of your life, identity and what you want. And in the end he could end up leaving you, deciding it's not for the best, cheating on you or whatever, who knows what will come. So stick to what you want for you, that is what he is doing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 Seems to me he is putting his kids first, which I have to say I admire. However, he left no room for your opinion or your feelings which I think is really sucky.
I have basically given up everything I knew (more or less) for my husband and it's been hard, for many reasons. We made it work though.
I guess you would have to decide of you are OK being #3 after his kids and himself or not.
As for the whole he won't let you have any children of your own, well for me that would be a deal breaker. I guess that is another thing you need to decide. Do you want kids or not?. If you do, THIS is not the man for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): I also think that neither of you is being unreasonable. You are just a mismatched couple.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 March 2012):
 This is one of those unfortunate situations where neither of you is being wrong. You just have different things you want from your relationship unfortunately. Yes he is asking too much, but he's not demanding it. He has the right to move to better his children's lives as well as to not want more kids, you have the right to want children of your own.
There are the kind of dealbreakers that have to do with one person treating the other badly (cheating, financial problems, etc...) and then there are the kind where both people want it to work, but they just have radically different goals (one person wants kids, the other does not, one wants marriage the other does not, etc...). I think if you want children of your own, you have to end things and find someone who has life goals more in line with your own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): He does want it all his own way yes, but his children come first.Thats the way it is.
If you want children of your own and no upheaval in your life, then you have to end this relationship because your on very different pages.
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