A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. We are very close and share everything - we have lived together for 2 years. However, when it comes to sex, I never initiate it with him as it often hurts as he is quite large... I even dread it to be honest. Recently, we seem to have been going through a difficult time as I have just finished uni and am struggling to find a job, and we seem to be falling out a lot and our sex life has almost stopped. This led to me having a 2 week fling with a male friend - I really enjoyed the attention and the sex was great. I told my partner, and he forgave me and we agreed to put it behind us and try to work things out. The problem is that I have another male friend and we have been flirting a lot and I really want to have sex with him (and he does with me too). I know this is wrong and unfair on my boyfriend but I don't know what to do. I do love and care for my partner but how can I be sure he is 'the one' if I want to sleep with other men? I can't get close to my boyfriend as I feel so guilty for having these thoughts about other men... Is this just a phase I am going through? Is it normal to have these feelings? I really don't know what to do as I feel that if I simply stop seeing the make friend then I will only end up resenting my boyfriend. Please can someone give me some advice.... I'm really trapped in my thoughts.... Many many thanks :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): that fact that you want to have sex with friend proves that you dont think that your boyfriend is the one. if he was you wouldnt feel the need to go elsewhere for satisfaction. i suggest maybe talking to your boyfriend about things
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Well, hun..I think you are going through a seemingly normal phase of life. You need to 'spread your wings' because it sounds like in your heart, this relationship with your bf has simply run it's course. I think you need to take a break here from your longterm bf and get out and go solo for awhile. Because, it doesn’t matter how much you care for your bf, if you don’t honor the commitment enough to draw the line and stick to it consistently, then the best thing to do is stop the relationship. You want to date others, get a taste of life and have some fun. The only way is to become a free agent. You arenot feeling the commitment which is the glue that holds a couple together. You may be just be 'dependent' on your bf to give you a feeling safety and security, someone to go back to while you seek others to fulfill your needs and desires. That is not fair to your bf. When you love someone in a deep, meaningful way, you automatically commit to being always faithful and building the trust. So...either devote yourself to being faithful and lovingly commited to your bf or leave this relationship. There is no easier way. I think you need to get out and experience other dating opportunities. And if you think you will resent your bf, because you feel forced to remain faithful to him, then that is a huge red flag. He deserves to be loved and cherished by someone and if you can't provide that right now, then admit that to yourself and realize it is time to move on. Make the choice that is coming really and truely from your heart and mind. talk to your bf and tell him ...what you truely want. TAke care, hun abd best of luck.
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