A
female
age
30-35,
*erunchik
writes:Okay well I need to start that me and my boyfriend were together for almost 2 years. Btw I am 18 and he is almost 21. After the first year of our relationship he felt like he wasn't happy anymore and he wanted me to change. He wanted me to be more independent, positive and mature person. I am also an international student from Russia and I came to America to college when i was 16 and even after 2 years I felt like i did not have any friends here. But yeah he was keep telling me that i needed to change and i was trying to..and i could also see that he wasn't as happy as he was before. So about a month and a half ago he told me that he cant do it anymore because he wasn't happy and he told me that we need to break up and that that will be for the best for us. I was crying and didn't know what to do because he was my everything and i felt like my life was over. We were still talking sometimes but I knew 100% that he wasn't gonna change his mind to get back with me. After 2 weeks which was about a month ago, he asked me to come to his room and i did and then he told me that he cheated on me with my roommate before he broke up with me...I am a student-athlete and he said that when i was on the tournaments on the weekends at other states he stayed with this girl...I didn't know what to say and i was just crying..i told him that he was an asshole and why he did that to me and he said that she was making him happy at this moment and he didn't think properly..but then he said that he wanted to try this relationship again because he thinks that i am a really nice person and that i have a good heart and then he asked me to be with him again and i said yes even though it hasn't even been a three hours yet after i found out it..everybody was telling me that i was stupid that got back with him but i didnt listen to them because i loved him and i was happy that we got back together..But after three weeks of our relationship i felt like I wasnt happy anymore and he wasn't either. But a week ago I started talking to another guy who was from my class. And two days ago something awful happened..Me and boyfriend decided sleeping in different rooms every other day to have some space from each other..so I called my boyfriend at about 11:30 and told him that i was gonna go to bed..and then this guy messaged me and asked if i needed help for my paper and i said yes and then he came over..and then i dont know what happened and what was going on through my mind but i decided that it was okay that he will stay with me for the night..i mean we didnt kiss and we both had our clothes on..but my boyfriend felt that something was going wrong and apparently he was knocking the apartment door since 3 in the morning and was waiting outside till 7 till my roommate opened the door..he also had the key for my room so he just opened the door and saw me on the bed with this guy..i was shocked and didnt know what to do..he told me that we are done and that's over..I was trying to talk to him and asked him to just give me a chance even to be friends but he told me that I dont deserve it and that he never wants to see me again or talk to me...He told me that he doesnt believe me that I didnt do it on purpose..I told him that I would never hurt him intentionally but he said that he doesnt believe me and that he thinks that i did this on purpose to pay him back..but i really didnt do it on purpose..I would never hurt him intentionally, I just really dont know what was going on through my ming at this moment..I was trying to talk to him and told him that i was just asking to be friend but he said we dont trust each other so we cant be friends anymore and that he just wants to forget me and not having me in his life anymore..I really dont know what to do, I still love him and care about him but he doesnt belive in this..I feel like my life is over..He means a lot to me and I still want him in my life...Please give me any advices because I am really lost and i feel like i just lost my love and my best friend forever..
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, cheated on me, cheated on my boyfriend, got back together, roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Fullofsurprises90 +, writes (3 February 2011):
Verunchik...honestly you have nothing to worry about like I have always said what goes around comes around you may not have cheated but he did cheat an him finding you with that other dude was his karma he was the one that cheated he should of expected that regardles...trust me he will realize that you did nothing wrong an will come back an ask you to forgive him an take him back but personaly I think you deserve someone better an some respect there is alot of fish in the sea girl dont stay stuck on one....trust me been there done that not a good idea...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): A few thing's really have stuck out to me.. But as far as what to do about it and advice.. I agree with Love-Wisely.. But I'd like to throw in some points here, as I feel very strongly about them.
It's admirable (in a lousy sorta way) to admit to you that he was cheating on you with your roommate.. But right then and there you should have ended the relationship and stayed away. I understand hurt feelings and those types of situations. Since I've expereienced them firsthand.. But if somebody does that to you.. Just stay away. They'll more than likely hurt you again later on in life. It also takes allot of effort on both parties sides to rebuild a relationship like that and it puts serious emotional strain on whomever got cheated on. Most people can't do it. It's allot of work.
Next, I'll spare you a long-winded essay here.. But If I found my GF in her bed with another guy... Absolutely NOT OK and would probably leave her then and there. I realize you said there was nothing "inappropriate" going on.. But having said person come over at almost midnight? Sleep over? AND in YOUR bed? I don't think so. All of those things fall under "inappropriate" to me. For you to even think that that would be somewhat OK... Are you serious? If a guy sleeping in YOUR bed with YOU is OK, what else is OK?
I realize this all gets put into context with the situation and what he did.. But you should know better.
...............................
A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (16 November 2010):
 Unfortunately, this relationship is shipwrecked. This is why when feelings fade too much, or temptations become too strong: it's better to peaceably part ways no matter how difficult that may be.
You both have a lot of self exploration ahead. Learn the lessons this heartache has caused. I'm sure there things you want to say but when relationships wreck, there are always loose ends. Most of the time, those loose ends never get resolved.
I highly recommend you start writing him a letter, maybe one that you never send. Put the whole mix of your feelings into it. If you do decide to send it, wait until overnight and re-read it before you do.
...............................
|
