A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am currently 22, 7 months into my first relationship. Things are going great, we have tons of fun together and get along wonderfully. The only problem comes with "going out" to bars and such. I used to go to bars all the time but as of late I feel like I have settled down. I used to go to bars to meet people and have a good time, but now I have this great boyfriend and I don't feel like meeting new people. My boyfriend argues that I should just go out with our friends because thats where they go to hang out.Recently I've been trying to go to bars with him and our other friends and I have been incredibly bored. When I get a few drinks in me, I get angry with him and feel like I should end our relationship. When I am sober I never have these thoughts. I am afraid to go out and drink with him because I don't want to say or do anything stupid. The issue becomes that we and our friends are all busy with grad school, so it has worked out that the only time we really see others is when we go out to the bars (thus making me isolate myself by not wanting to go to the bars with him). This is where my problem arises: I am not sure what is causing these drunken angers towars him. I feel great with him during the day and nights without drinking, but I doubt our relationship as soon as I take a few sips of beer at a bar.What do you think is going on here and what should I do?!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 May 2008):
 I agree in part with the other poster regarding subconscious issues. They may or may not pertain to your boyfriend. They may be personal issues from past experience as well.
I'm sure you know what depression is. There is a form which is most seen when someone consumes alcohol. People become violent at times, angry, and experiencing behaviors opposite of what they experience sobr. Research has shown a change in neurotransmitter function after consuming alcohol, but the only prevention thus far is not to drink.
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (12 May 2008):
 I know somebody that had a similar issue. It's kind of funny, but alcohol effects everyone differently. I've known people to become brutally honest or really shy or gabby when they've had a few too many.
The first suggestion might be to step down a level... usually the progression is something like hard drinks to beer to wine. So, if you step down to wine, maybe that might have less of an effect. Or maybe just pad your stomach more (I always have pizza before a night where I know I'm going to be in the company of my "professional" drunken stupor friends).
If anything (being an old frat-brat), in my day, we always served beer at rush because we use to think of it as the tongue loosener. If you're nice sober, you're really nice drunk... and the corollary was true too. Taking that at face-value for the moment, perhaps you've got some kind of subconscious issue with your boyfriend you're not really cognitive of? Maybe some way he's behaving out drinking that really gets under your skin and because of your "loosened inhibitions" you really feel it... donno, but it's something to think about.
Good luck...
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