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female
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anonymous
writes:When I finally decided to have sex for the first time, it was with my bf who I had been going with for 6months. The following month he treated me like crap! I finaly broke it off a month later, at the 7month mark. It made me feel like he was puting on mr perfect act until he got what he wanted- sex.I feel used. I dont know how to deal with this...I keep wondering what if I just held out a bit longer...at one point would he give up the act? What if I waited 12 months, would he still be pretending then to be a nice person when really he is not? How do you know when is a safe time to give yourself to someone, that they arent just pretending to be somoene they are not? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): You just don't alway know. You have to trust your heart. You said you were together for 6 months before you slept with him, well one would think that during that time he would have developed feelings for you and not have treated you badly after sleeping with him. I'm sorry that you had such a negative experience for your first time.
Don't second guess yourself though. He proably would have behaved the same way reguardless of how long you waited. Some men are like that. He doesn't deserve you. You can't change the past, so don't beat yourself up over what happened.
A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 No meter how adorable or pathetically in loved he acts you can never know it for sure-that's the risk of the game.My advice to everyone frightened of being used is to be honest in his/her own eyes.You know,you must kiss lots of frogs before you find a prince.You're the only one out there whose opinion about your life makes the difference so take a deep breath and get prepared on pain cause in that way you'll increase a chance of getting involved with someone really special...eventually.And PLEASE don't feel bad about yourself cause of stuff like that-he's the only one to blame
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