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female
age
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anonymous
writes:My son, John, is a only child. He is 36 years old and he became a Catholic priest in his 20s which is completely fine with me. The issue that I am having is all my friends now have grandchildren and they always talk about grandchildren things. This makes me jealous and depressed that I will never have the opportunity to be a grandmother myself. I know my son didn't do anything wrong by becoming a priest. How can I deal with my jealousy of not being a grandmother when I am around my friends who are grandparents?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2021): Your son is a priest.In his flock are there some children who do not have a grandmother?Maybe a single mom who could use a family and have emotional support?Maybe there is a grandchild out there who really needs you.Family is not just about blood.Family is about love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2021): I don't understand why you should want to volunteer to help other people with their children, you may be too busy or it may hurt you too much to only be involved with them in that way - in the same way you get hurt when hearing about them. If you were that keen surely you would become a paid child minder or teacher or something, why does it have to be voluntarily and for free anyway? Who is to say you can afford to work for free!When I was looking for friends in my area I met a lot of women who went on and on about their kids and grandkids. Some were obsessed and it was all they ever talked about.It is incredibly boring even if you like kids and do not have your problem! It also gets very irritating when they want you to clap your hands with a round of applause every time they tell you their grandkid blew their nose or smiled. What I noticed was that many of these women had no life of their own. Their news was telling you all about what their daughter and grandkids had done that week, they lived through their off spring and never did anything interesting themselves. Or their news was about when they phoned them or visited with them.You choose who you make friends with. And there are other people out there with your mind set and lifestyle who will not only understand but make more interesting friendships for you, it is just a matter of finding those people.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (1 April 2021):
 I am in my late 50's. I have 2 children a daughter almost 40 and a son 33. Neither of them have or want children. My daughter is a doctor and doesn't have time and my son says he knows he is just too selfish to have a child and doesn't want that kind of responsibility. Its sad to me especially since all my friends have grandchildren. My younger sister by 5 years now has 3 grandkids, 2 were just born a few months ago! She is so happy and so proud of them and I am constantly hearing about them and seeing pictures.
Sometimes it makes me a little sad but I never feel jealous because that's just the hand that I drew in life. It is what it is.
I'm sure you are very proud of your son, he chose quite a selfless occupation and think about how much he is helping others. Be proud of that, as I'm sure you are!
Have you considered volunteering with children? That might bring you great joy. Possibly being a foster parent? There are all kinds of wonderful things you can do to help needy children and give you fulfillment. Why not check out your options?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2021): People that have grandkids or kids very often talk about them all the time and it can become upsetting and depressing for those who don't and want them. Do you have any friends who dont have kids or grandkids? I'm not saying you should give up your other friends but perhaps spending more time with others in a similar position to you might help. Volunteering/fostering might also be an option for you. Or getting a dog?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2021): Hi
Some people have not got the opportunity to have children let alone grandchildren. Wow, your son became a priest and made his OWN sacrifices to get there, no doubt.
Can you help other children out who don't have family? could you with all your spare time, setup an adopt a granny scheme. Here in the UK, we have this scheme to help children without grandparents and visa versa. It is now a global campaign and probably helps a lot of people. Why not check it out in your area. Is this something that you and your son could possibly work on together.
Your jealousy could be something else that needs addressing, it's not good to want something just because friends have something.
If you feel an empty space in your life, then fill it. love does not only belong to family and blood, it is universal and can be shared with children who have never ever experienced any love.
Work out why you want grandchildren really, is it because you feel cheated? or feel empty? or enjoy the idea of giving them love? is it loneliness? or your desire to compete with friends?
Your depression stems from something deep seated, love is not only family, it is needed all around the world. Even a simple letter to somebody can change the sadness somebody may be feeling.
Mother Teresa had many children and grandchildren.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 March 2021):
 I have 4 children and no grandchildren. I give gifts to my neighbor's kids. I keep toys for the children of my nieces and nephews. I love children and I do what I can to make them happy.
I can't do anything about having my own grandchildren, But I can still be a trusted adult to children I love.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 March 2021):
 Volunteer perhaps?
If there are places where people can come read books or the likes (libraries and day-care/preschool - Sunday school for some churches). That way you can get to spend time with little kids who will no doubt adore you! And, you get the added benefit of not having to babysit!
Your son chose his life and his path. It did not include the option for children. Such is life.
YOU chose to only have one child, right?
It doesn't make you LESS of a woman to not have grandkids. It just means your like ends with your son.
I have 3 daughters, who ALL swear they don't want kids. So at some point, I might BE in your shoes too. I'm OK with that. They have to live the life they choose. My mom missed out on her grandkids (my kids) as we have lived across the World from her. I feel I cheated her and the kids on something amazing, but there isn't anything I can do about that. Sometimes life isn't how you wanted it to be or thought it would be.
Don't be jealous, that is like taking poison hoping someone else dies. (in short, it's pointless). Be happy for them.
It's OK to say I WISH my son would have married and had a family but that was not HIS wish.
Find the good in your life. Make the best of it.
Chin up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2021): My 16 year old son is autistic and non verbal. The likelihood of my having a grandchild are next to zero. I have made peace with that. The problem is that some of us must take the road less travelled. And not all of us have the same destination in life. You must learn to be happy with what you HAVE instead of comparing yourself to everyone else. If you continue to compare yourself to others, you will NEVER be happy in life, because there will ALWAYS be people who have what you don't have. Count your own blessings and be happy you are alive. Look at what you do have and be thankful for all those things. Not everyone is so lucky.
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