A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:To all those people out in the world, that gift their time to answer our problems.... I thank you! I would be so grateful for opinions on my situation. My partner of 4 years and I split up six months ago, because I found he had been lying and I couldn't see my way to trust him. He had a new love in his life a week later, this broke my heart. She broke his heart after a couple of months. My ex wanted FWB with me but I said no. He started sleeping around - this broke my heart. A month ago when he saw that I was dating someone he wanted me back. I said no and he went off with another woman... this broke my heart the most. Three weeks ago he promised me everything I always wanted, came clean on all his lies. He said he loves only me and he would not give up on me even if I said no. I stopped dating my new man, and we started talking -sorting out the past problems, but I told my ex I just couldn't get back together. We spent time together, and though my words were 'no' my actions were more and more saying 'yes'. I was so scared of him hurting me again I told him to meet someone new... and he did the next day (online). After a week he is really keen on her and has stopped persuing me. He said I kept saying no (for two weeks) and that is why he went out and met someone else. I told him that I did love him and just needed more time and I needed to see that he wouldn't change his mind. He is now so keen on the new lady he says he has probably given up on me and I am too late...I didn't make enough effort. I am devastated again...I am still not sure I can trust him yet. He moves on to new woman so easily. Am I being unfair to feel he led me on only to drop me again? ....or was he just waiting for a better offer, or should I have said 'yes' more easily and it my own fault for not accepting his proposal sooner? when he is 'wanting' me, he is loving and attentive and so kind to me... I miss it so much. I have been hurting badly for six months... Thank you for any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): Thank you for your advice. I want to know that there is no reason why I should take him back if he comes asking again. I feel so betrayed again, and 'dumped', and I just can't believe he would do it to me again. But I feel I have been unkind too, telling him I won't go back to him. I made that decision when he took off with a woman after telling me he wanted us to try again. But I know I still love him and I miss him and I am struggling to move on when there is also some 'hope' or 'possibility' there. He has suddenly cut me out of his life again (not totally tho). THANKS SO SO SO SO SO MUCH for your replies.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 Obviously if his lips moves he is lying, honey - LOOK at his actions not his sweet talk. HE is not going to change. Not for you or anyone else.. Sorry he is just a big fat douche bag.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): Oh he's playing with your heart. He is a very selfish man. I hope you can see this. I agree with the previous post - he's leaving you in limbo while he pursues another woman (again). Its left you questioning yourself, thinking that the ball was in your court, when really he didn't love you enough to fight for you and show you he truly wants to be with you.He just doesn't know how to be on his own. He wants relationships/sex with other woman, but likes knowing you're there waiting. Like I wrote, he is VERY selfish.This is where no contact comes in. You need to cut him out completely (no calls, emails or visits) for several months while you heel. Surround yourself with family and friends, don't even date, just do positive happy things with people who love you.:)
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (26 November 2011):
 Hi,Sorry that you are hurting now. I know that 4 years is a long time, and it's not easy to let go. I respect the fact that he confessed all the lies, that proves that he's regretful and willing to work on your relationship. What I don't understand is, why he keeps moving to new relationships? I think that, even if you are not going to be together now, he should wait? I don't understand how a person that was involved in a 4 years relationship can move on so fast? I am about the same age as you, and he's behaving like a immature young man. I am not trying to offend him, but what's the rush in finding a new lady? Why can't he be alone for a while, revalue his actions, think about the future? How can he get over you so soon? I am not sure what's going on in his mind, but for now, I think is best for you to be apart from him for a little while. He needs to decide what he wants? If he decide go be with you, he needs to promise you that he will be faithful to you only. Instead of, going back and forth, why don't you have a serious talk with him. I believe that it's unfair for you to suffer for so many months, not knowing if this relationship can work? I think, after 4 years, is best to decide..... If it's necessary, you need to move on. Have a honest talk with him. I have to agree with you, the past six months must have been a nightmare!!! It's not fair... It's better to know....Good luck, wish you the best, and let's us know how you are doing!!!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 You were wise to decline his requests for reconciliation. The man is clearly chaotic and unstable. The reason he jumps from woman to woman is because he detests being alone.
Now that he has someone who has caught his fancy, he wants to milk that for all its worth but doesn't want the guilty conscience (or burnt bridge) of being the bad guy. He's letting you assume that role so that if he decides to come back, he's the one giving you the 'second chance' instead of the other way round.
I know you're hurt, but this WILL get better with time. Give yourself a chance to grieve privately. Don't seek any answers from him because he can't give you any decent ones.
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