A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This guy i've been seeing for a while now, i felt really comfortable with him and i've known for ages i wanted to sleep with him, just i wanted to be sure that he was interested in me and not wanting me for sex. So it's been over 3 months, which isn't long but i was impressed he never said anything about it once during that time and was always keen to see me, he was a really sweet and genuine guy. We went on a date last tuesday and i wanted to so bad and it felt like the timing was all perfect.So I did, now I haven't heard from him in a week and it's exactly what I was scared of would happen! I'd sleep with him and not hear from him, I keep thinking now he's had sex with me he can move on and find someone else, i mean what has he got to try for now... My friends said maybe he's been busy, but even they agreed that he could of found a few minutes and texted or something in that time considering we are seeing each other and did sleep together! I know I could text him, but he said he would and i don't want to appear clingy. One friend said that some, even the nicest guys do this and that i'm going to have to accept what's happened and move on from him... I don't regret sleeping with him, but the thing i was most scared of a guy doing happened and since i have a hard time letting guys get too close, i completely broke that wall down for him and i'm back to square one! I don't know what I should do, any advice would be great as i'm feeling so low and stupid now.
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus +, writes (24 January 2013):
Look it's as simple as this, he's a dog chasing a car and it's not an insult to you, it's an insult to him, it sounds like this douche actually waited 3 months to have sex with you then when he got it he let faster than a rat out of an aquaduct. Sounds like he's thinking great I got her now he has no need to worry about you. I would say this firstly his actions are not a representation of who you are, in other words he slept with you and jumped ship because HE is the one with the problem not you whatever you do remember he is the loser not you. I know you feel used and I can understand you may be ultra cautious now to the point where you become paranoid about being with another guy but trust me there a so many guys better than this loser. Btw the nicest guys don't do this. The nice guys actually wan't a relationship with you so stop listening to the rubbish your friends spew. Don't feel stupid, you didn't know and you couldn't know. The best thing to do is accept there are guys like this but they don't represent the majority. Don't eliminate your chances of finding a real man because of one scumbag because then he wins and you miss out. You'll find a great guy and he'll always be a loser. Simple as that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): I'm so sorry...this is similar to what happened with my ex boyfriend.Some "men" (real men wouldn't do this) run away when the going gets tough. To me, it sounds like he's afraid of commitment and wanted sex, but not the commitment part- so he just ran. Please don't contact him. Maybe you will hear from him, but I think the best thing you can do is take time for you and make sure the next time you sleep with someone you are SURE it's going somewhere. You will only learn from letting your "wall" down. I know it hurts, but if you learn from it, then it will strengthen you for the next relationship, which will likely be more positive and healthy than this one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): when some women wake up and stop handing them self over to guys cheaply , that is when women will stop getting hurt.
he may have been a jerk, but he persisted three months to get what he wanted. he stayed with you till you was comfortable with him, and he got what he wanted, and you came out like a lot of girls on the loosing end.
you have choices to make repeat the same mistakes over, and harden your heart toward guys and repeat "mark him up and move him on at least a looser is out of your life" to be repeated over again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): If it does turn out that he did what you thought then all you can do is learn from it. Then is something you could do to stop it from happening again and its gonna sound sneaky but you could find out about body language because I saw a programme that showed if people had the skill to see if people were lying and it was only simple body language movements, so if you find them out for yourself then if in the future you are unsure then you could ask them a direct question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Be with someone who wants you as much as you want them. A man should fight for you, not you for him. It seems like you are not loving yourself enough. Get a man who finds you irresistible inside and out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): I got burned like this when I was 24. I dated him 3 months also, slept with him several times and then he broke it off. It was probably one of the most painful experiences of my life. This is what I learned:1. Date a guy at least 3 months before having sex with him2. Make sure he tells you he LOVES you before having sex3. Make sure he calls you his GIRLFRIEND infront of family/friends before having sex4. Make sure he is smitten - calling you daily, making dates, gushing over you.If none of these points have happened I don't sleep with a guy. Luckily at 25 I met my now husband :) It was a YES to all four points - I slept with him 4 months after our first date. He was gushing and loving, took me on picnics and to events, he'd call me all the time and plan the next date. There was no fear sleeping with him because his actions showed that he loved me and would stick around. Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (20 January 2013):
I find it hard to imagine that someone would be in a relationship for 3 months just to get sex.
-Are you positive you had a relationship and not just a friendship?
-Why are you critical of him not calling you if you haven't called him? You could both be playing a similar game (I don't want to appear clingy).
-Why, after 3 months, do you think it makes more sense to ask the internet what is going on with your boyfriend than ask him?
There's no answer that anyone could give you that isn't a wild guess until you talk to him, or at least attempt to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): He was a jerk, plain and simple.
You don't regret sleeping with him, so at least you're not dealing with regret. I can tell you there are plenty of people who have been in the same situation.
And to the whole "why buy the car when you can get a free test drive" brigade, that pretty much means no sex before marriage. I'm sure even those spouting these cliches don't abstain themselves. You're a healthy normal woman with human appetites, trying to guilt trip you is insane.
Mark him up and move him on. At least a loser is out of your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): "I keep thinking now he's had sex with me he can move on and find someone else, i mean what has he got to try for now" This right here is what I don't understand. Why would a guy put in three months of work to get into your pants THEN just give it all up?
I say he was probably never really interested in you and no amount of waiting would have changed his mind. This gives guys like me a bad name. My second girlfriend gave it up (I kid you not) THREE days after meeting me. We went on one date and the third day we saw each other, we went at it. That relationship lasted four wonderful years.
So my point is, it doesn't matter how long you wait. If he's not interested then he will leave when he gets bored or tired, before or after he gets the sex. You read him wrong. I'm sure there must have been signs that he was no good. The affection you had for him blinded you from seeing them. This is probably what he counted on the most.
My current girlfriend says she will wait three months before having sex with me. I understand why she's hesitant. She's been hurt in the past. But I consider sex a very important part of a relationship and if she does't agree on having it after a reasonable amount of time, then I'm not sticking around. Also, I could never see myself having sex with her then leaving for good. Why would I put so much work into seducing, taking her out, buying her flowers etc, just to get it once and never get it again? That baffles me and seems like a total waste.
My conclusion is that he was never interested in you. He was only after you body. He got what he was looking for and decided it wasn't what he wanted. It should have been your job to clear the love-fog and see if he was genuine or not. Some would say you should have waited longer but as you can see, even good guys will find it hard to put up with a girl that doesn't put out.
Take this one as a lesson learned and make sure you really know who you're with before you give it up.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (20 January 2013):
 the thing is learn from your mistake, and not repeat it over and over. once is a mistake to learn from (the hard and painful way) the second time is self inflected.
if a guy is not committed to you for life your taking a chance, and more than likely will end up on the loosing end.guys will promise you love just to get sex.
as far as this guy i am afraid he got what he was after and is now off to the next adventure. i am sorry this has happened to you." a guy want buy and commit to a new car when he can get free test drives."
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