A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey all. im feeling alot of mixed emotions here so i might jump all over the place, but ill try and keep it simple and to the point.my boyfriend and i decided to go on a break due to the fact that he was always questioning me about everything, guys, etc, and i didnt know what i wanted anymore. i posted a question about this a few weeks ago. however, i ended up kissing two guys on the break. i dont know if this is cheating or not? i hate myself for it. iv always said id never cheat. i know everyone makes mistakes, and i know that we were on a break, but none the less he was so hurt. he ended the relationship with me, but a day later we met up to talk and we let everything out. i explained how sorry i was, and that because of the alcohol and my frame of mind at the time, i went completely into single mode. you know when you just say, "f**k everything, i give up" ? ...its not an excuse. nothing can excuse the fact that i hurt him, i told him this. we are now back together because we love each other that much, we wanted more than anything to try again. i would never ever have done it if we werent on a break, i just want to make that clear. i know myself. it was only because we were on the break that i let myself think that way and i started drinking. regardless i hurt him, and i want to know if he will ever trust me again? his trust issues were what caused the break in the first place, and now i feel like ive proved him right..but i am such a trustworthy person! anyone who knows me would tell you that. i feel so awful. i love him so much, and things have been great since and we've agreed to start a fresh. obviously he cant forget what i did though. am i a bad person? will he ever trust me again? all my thanks.
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female
reader, medha  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Hi
He is emotionally raping you! Get out of this situation, or you will end up a basket case! I so hate men who take their little insecurities out on the women in their lives... especially the one who loves them! Damn!
You run girl and make yourself a better life!
((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 May 2010):
I can understand why you feel bad, but there is no need to. You didn't do anything wrong.
You all you can do is move on and concentrate on the relationship. I do think you need to address this issue of your boyfriends insecurity. He should be making sure that he isn't making YOU feel bad for HIS problems. What I mean is, he should be able to identify when he is acting inappropriately and be able to deal with it. He might make a few mistakes when getting over this, but the important thing is that he learns from them and moves on.
If your boyfriends insecurities don't seem to go away, I would start to wonder if this relationship is really going to work out for the best.
You seem really in to him, so try and work everything out, and don't keep thinking about kissing those two guys. It's nothing and it's in the past. Focus on what you have now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 You are in an abusive relationship whether you know it or not. His insecurities are in control of both your lives. Things will never be quite right between the two of you until he can get his problems straighten out. I guess it's really up to you whether you want to be in control of your own life or whether you want to be a slave to his insecurity and have to constantly defend your every action to him. Your call.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 May 2010):
He has really got you wound around his little finger. His insecurities and jealousy were getting to you, so you went on a break. You kissed two guys whilst you were on the break, so that's not cheating. This is a guy who didn't trust you in the first place. He won't now. And that's not because you kissed those two guys. It's because this is who he is. In a short while, you will start to see that he will question you again, that he might start to choose who your friends are. You chose to start afresh, and here he is and he's not forgot it. The truth is, he's not that great a guy. He will always question you. That fact that he did it before proves this. And he's going to do it now. I strongly urge you to end it with him and move on. This won't work, and you'll become more and more resentful. You're not the bad person here. You've done nothing wrong. At all. But he's the one who caused all this in the first place. You're just going to end up more hurt with him.
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