A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:At work, there is a woman whom I am very attracted to, although I dont know whether she likes me or is just 'tolerating' me. I'm starting to think that she doesnt, based on the following:-When we didnt see each other very often, working in different areas,she would always smile and say 'hi' very enthusiasically.- We now see each other every day, and we usually say hi to each other, and she will make great eye contact with me but her 'hello's are now very serious and not overly enthusiastic. Even if we are half way through the day and we cross paths, she will still say hi in the same manner. Occasionally we will smile at each other but this is not that often.- When I try to talk to her, on a social basis, she usually seems to be trying to end the conversation- saying how she is really busy, and things like 'when Im at work Im very work focused'- I always have to approach her if i wish to talk to her, socially or in regards to work ie she will never make conversation with me... unless on the rare occasion we cross paths and she's feeling talkative.- Although in the same office we can go 2 or 3 days without uttering a single word to each other, other than maybe a 'hello' I hate this as I like talking to her, but neither of us will make a move to start conversation, my excuse is that i dont want to disturb her as I know she is really busy, although so and I and she knows it- If we see each other in the weekend in the office, as occasionally happens, as soon as I try to talk to her, even just to be friendly really, she starts trying to get rid of me, in her own way, due to some of the comments she makes.- We usually sit away from each other, but recently I sat next to her in the office and had several work related discussions.- she seems happy to help me with my work and even though flat out and had to leave the office in a hurry, spent 10 mins helping me, saying it was 'her pleasure' after I thanked her. She is not my senior, although is in a more responsible job.- we often make eye contact across the room, but no words are spoken- During work drinks, she wasnt that keen on talking to me, but kind of 'gave in'. During the conversation once or twice seemed to get angry with me (based on the tone of her voice). This has also happened a couple of times during conversation at her desk, but shes regained her cool.- She is friendly to all the guys in the office, often to them more than me, in a group gathering ignoring me (and hence I do the same back)This question seems all very childish I know, and there are probabably other behaviour examples I could make, but ive been pondering this for a while. My feeling is she doesnt actually like me that much, despite the odd sign to the contrary.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): I'm not sure I agree with any of the above. When we are really attracted to someone we often get our wires crossed. I would agree with the others that there aren't a lot of obvious signs but lets just check why. Is she spoken for? There has only been one time when I have been in your shoes and I was practically in love with the man in question but for the first time in my life stopped talking, stopped giving much eye contact etc. because I just couldn't handle being that close to him. Why? Because I was spoken for, it was against the rules and it was wrong. It was the only way I knew how to act to cope.Follow your instinct. If you're really honest with yourself and you think she cares, but is being weird about it, create an environment where you can talk to her. Chuck her a line to make her think how she is behaving around you. Make it an open question so she can't fob you off. Gently ask, 'what have I done to upset you?' and gage her reaction. Try and test the water creatively and if that fails, you're just going to have to ask her.I'm just saying, it's never that simple to pict apart. None of us are in the situation you're in right now and you never know yourself unless you're part of it and often not even then. Just sort it out. Go for a beer. If it's just friends,it's no big deal and something may grown from there. All the best. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell through work and since this was written we have 2 or 3 times been in a situation of being alone (as in the only people present at a location) and I have exercised will power by not asking anything about her wanting me to leave her alone. This is because we have had quick discussions admittedly mainly about work but also talking about one or two subjects not relating to work.. and some of these discussions have been started by her.
So Ive held my tongue and talked to her and have to admit i have enjoyed it. What i can't understand is why she is so inconsistent, making it a bit of a lottery on the type of reaction you will get when you do start a conversation. If she doesnt like me, why not just make it fully obvious and tell me (I guess in a suitable way) rather than at present, where she is pleasant one minute, less so the next.
I guess this could be the topic of a separate question in itself- in regards to inconsistency, being hot and cold, etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot everyone! That would be my feeling as well.
Have a good weekend!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): Based on what you say here, you seem pretty obsessed with this girl, however sadly for you, it is very one sided. Sure you can like her if you want, but I don't think she likes you at all- there are too many signs that point to this despite there being one or two - the off smile, eye contact etc, that conflict with this.
She is just tolerating you or being a civilised workmate, nothing more than that. Try and keep your mind off her and concentrate on work
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (26 August 2011):
 I'd say she is talking to you work related and not interested in anything more. She brushes you off at drinks or when you try to talk non-work related. I would leave things be. She likes you at work but may appear to be offish with you because she is making sure things dont go further. I cannot see anything of a relationship here at all. Let it go now and dont look for her as a girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): I would forget this woman as far as romance is concerned. There do not seem enough signs but I suspect she can tell you are attracted to her. So just try to be normal and behave in a relaxed friendly way as I don't think anything more in on offer.
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