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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello everybody,so one month ago, i've started dating one guy. I'm 22 and he's 30 (these age differences are ok for us). We have decieded to be a lovers and maybe one day couple, but we're not in really hurry. Our dates are in the nature, in the car and when i'm home alone, in my house. We get along pretty well, he's nice guy, honest and everything. When we're together even when we don't have sex, we're constantly kissing, touching each other and have really long conversations. Sounds like great beginning of relationship i guess. But when it comes to sex, we have really different expetations about what we want and what we used to do in bed. He's a bit different than every other guys i've dated. He's far more extraverted, he talks about his feelings more, he shows his passiononate nature and temperament all the time, he plays drums... So even sex it's a bit different, but i don't like this kind of way. First thing is that he doesn't focus on the same areas on my body like other guys. He's completly crazy about my soft skin, he really likes my boobs and legs. But on the other hand, he touches every part of my body all the time, except my vagina and he never want to go down on me. It looks like he doesn't really know that women absolutelly love that! I think he's sensitive about the smell of vagina too (not mine particulary - of every women smell), but i'm really really clean, i always shower a lot before we have sex and i shave constantly. And i perform oral on him, so why he doesn't on me?? That's complete opposite of his "sex style", because he likes wild sex with a lot of passion. And then again - different expetations. He want i'd eat his cum. But i don't like that and every of my ex lovers never asked me to do that. So i've said that i won't.. He said that's ok for him but then again he asked me how can i be so "reserved" about that, because it seem to be pretty normal thing to him. How can he say that to me, and he at the same time doesn't want go down on me??? I'm too proud (or too shy) to ask him to go down on me and touch me on this area So what to do?So basically, the main problem is that we have different sex style and expetations And i can't be really comfortable with him, even that i know he really likes my body, he respects me and he really likes my personallity and i like his body, personallity, etc. Is he being selfish not to go down on me and almost never touch my clitoris? Am I being selfish not to eat his cum (even he said he's ok with that)? I can't understand this situation. Once i've had a lover, who has shitty personallty but sex with him was the best sex of my life! And here, i think it's possible that we'll be couple once, but sex is really.... not bad, but weird! As i said, i'm not comfortable with him, because he expects from me to be a "wild kitten" but i can't be wild kitten if he doesn't touch and lick my "special part"! How to make compromises in bed? How two different sex styles combine in one, really good one?Any advice would be helpful and sorry for my bad english, it's my second language :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): I'd have to agree with "soon567"
I must add, this almost sounds like a married guy? You don't mention his house/apartment.
But, bottom line, is he's getting what he wants, you aren't, and that's just not OK in a LTR.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 I'll be blunt with you.
You have sex with this guy, yet you can't talk to him about sex? Talk to him. Tell him what you've told us and see for yourself what he has to say. Only he knows what his issues are with oral sex, or why he can't touch your vagina, or why he expects you to swallow. Only he knows. And he's the one you're having sex with, so it's him you need to ask these things, not us!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): Next time you have sex, gently moan and whisper what you'd like his tongue to do to your vagina, tell him, sexily that he won't be getting anything of you until he's finished you off. If he does as he says look him in his eyes and tell him he's been a good boy and finish him off in the way he likes best. If he doesn't, allow the usual routine to happen and then ask him why he wouldn't please you in the way you want. This is the more, ahem, "blunt" way of getting you want. Good luck and I'll leave and say this, your man quite simply may not understand how to give oral sex to a women (men struggle more in relationships in my view) so why not watch some porn or a movie with female oral sex and say to him that's what you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): hi there, by the way English is also my second language. First of all the two of you need to talk openly about likes and dislikes. Secondly, the one partner should guide the other and make sure that both are turned......all other moves, styles etc will come naturally provided you have created the perfect atmosphere. Sometimes, guys want to be teased, i.e. Sexy sms's during the day, sexy clothes and lingerie, gestures etc. Its a process dear and not an event. All men and women for that matter are not the same. Hope it helps.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 When you figure out that "sex" and "love" are widely different concepts, THEN you will be able to address this issue..... Meanwhile... Why are you being intimate with a guy who does not turn you on???????
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (26 August 2011):
Stop! You need to realize what this is to him, a sexual encounter and nothing more. Don't be naive about this, otherwise youre going to feel screwed in the process.You're not going to be anything more then a FWB to him, or it will be a bad relationship. The reason he want do or touch you there is that your guy isn't into you like you think. He maybe a nice guy and considerate, but he wants someone else.Now, if your going to be serviced by this guy make sure you get something out of this. When you two are going at it, grab his head and guide it between your legs, if he refuse then you need to cut off the vagina to him. Unless you dont care for it.Never do anything that you dont want too. Tell him swallow yours and if he refuses then tell him you want do him.He probably cant take you home to his wife or gf so you have to find places for sex, tell him to take you to a motel instead of the woods, you as a woman should not be made to feel cheap.Remember to get yours first coz most guys would stop after they get their pleasure.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (26 August 2011):
 You need to talk to him, honestly and openly. Since he can't read your mind, you're going to have to ask him for what you want. It sucks, but it's just reality...everyone likes different things when it comes to sex and relationships and when it comes to getting what you want in bed, you're going to have to ask for it when you want it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): I wouldn't call what you are doing with this guy dating but more like a casual sex arrangement so if he is not meeting your needs sexually and you are too proud to ask him to then the two of you are probably not compatible as sex buddies. It's understandable why you don't feel comfortable making these requests because there is no trust or intimacy like what you would have if he were your boyfriend...no emotional safety or security.
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