A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. I really like this woman at work and have done so for a couple of years. However, I only see her about 2/3 days a week usually, though when we are around each other we get on well. I don't know if she likes me, but I just have to tell her how I feel about her. But it just feels that if I do tell her how I feel I'm pretty sure that she will be surprised, and it may be awkward for her. Yet if I don't I'm sure I will regret not doing so years in the future.I have to tell her how I feel, but do women like being told straight up out-of-the-blue that you fancy them? Or how could I tell her in a more subtle way? Thanks for reading
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): As a Woman, I know that I appreciate it if a man is upfront with me (in a respectful manor) and lets me know what he is thinking and feeling. It is refreshing to actually have a guy be upfront and honest about he feelings concerning me. It is off times flattering and it could open the doors to communication. So many men and women are too shy or affraid to speak up and end up missing out on something that could have been a good thing.
Worst case scemario, she gives you the brush off. O.K., so what. Move on and keep trying. I like an assertive guy who isn't affraid to speak his mind and exudes self confidence (even if he doesn't truly feel it!). It's very sexy! Give it a try, and if you have to FAKE that you are confindent (not cocky). This is very appealing to most woman and I think you will find it effective. Just remember, we are all just human beings with many flaws and insecurities. Be funny and inquiring about the other person, who thery are, where they're from, what they love about life etc. You're not alone in those feelings!
Good luck and go out there and wow them, life is too short!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): Hi thanks everyone for your opinions.
FifthQuadrant I think my situation *is* similar to yours. Do like that information about emotional meals and digestion. That is logical. Though I think I will just take it slow like Tisha suggests and just test the water. Danielepew is right, she probably does just see me just as a friend. But if I don't try to find out then I'll never know
.
Anyway, thanks all :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): Hi FifthQuadrant here again. Try flirting with other women who are in steady relationships. Competition for a commodity increases its value! If she likes you then this will wind her up and smoke her out. Careful though 'cos you don't want to start being chased by women you have no interest in! You really need to have her chasing you before you ask her out proper. Check out FifthQuadrant's link below, but remember, even when they start chasing you they can then subsequently reject your advances (i.e. play hard to get). Best keep things face to face at all times i.e. avoid the paper/e-mail trail of confusion. Check out youtube on how to avoid 'frienditis'. Don't commit suicide if she rejects you, incidentally - guys in their early-to-mid-twenties are sensitive creatures and should be out there having plenty of sex. Don't suffer from 'one-itis', therefore! Even if she does reject you you might try and read between the lines for a glimmer of hope. I've been there, too!So, have we helped you or not?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Tisha-1 gave a very good answer on how to tell her in a subtle way. However, my feeling is that she sees you as a friend. She has known you for a long time and apparently she hasn't made any move herself. If she had done something you could interpret as a careful move towards you, perhaps I would feel confident to tell you to try your luck. I wouldn't act on this one. Imagine what would happen if she doesn't like you back and her knowing that you like her creates an awkward atmosphere at your workplace.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Hi. FifthQuadrant here again. Anyway, you really do sound just like me when I was 22-25. Guess what - I haven't really changed as you can see:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/have-i-ruined-my-chances-with-this-married.html
Incidentally, she is back from holiday and looks well refreshed, so I'd better leave her alone for a while until the humdrum of the daily grind sinks back in. Could do with a holiday myself! Toodle-pip!
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 It REALLY depends on if she returns the attraction or not. These are the options:
- If she fancies you too, she'll be v happy and you'll soon be at it
- If she doesn't fancy you much, but quite likes you, she MIGHT be just flattered and play it cool and be kind to you (but firmly put you off), or she might be horrified and feel you're stalking her ... yes, sorry, that's a chance - it just depends how she feels about you, and what kind of a person she is.
You don't have much to lose, but she could lose her peace of mind.
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A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Being a woman i think i can help you.
Me and every girl i know (almost every girl in school) LOVES being asked out straight up in person. But some tips would be ask her to a picnic and ask her to be your girlfriend there. Or perhaps a resturaunt and a movie ^-^ try and stick with stuff proven that works. (Hint; no strip bars) lol just a joke i put in. But good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Hi, good question. I expect the answer is that women like it if they fancy the man back. Which you don't really know yet, do you? And if you have a thin skin and are rejected, however nicely, you might not like it very much.
Why not try flirting with her a little bit? Just 'getting on with her well' sounds more like a pal thing. You need to inject little signs of personal attraction to her when you are interacting. Make good eye contact, touch her hand and let it linger, mirror her body posture, smile and look a bit longingly and meaningfully at her. Don't come on too hot and heavy though, just some light flirtation to test the waters. If she reciprocates by flirting back, then you'll know she might be interested. If she ignores these signs and doesn't change the way she deals with you, or if she starts to avoid you, then you'll know she's probably not.
Flirt for a while, a couple of weeks, that should tell you a lot about if she finds you attractive too. Can you ask her to go get a cup of coffee with you? A little one-on-one time might be a good idea too. If she declines with vague reasons a couple of times, I'd give it up as a lost cause.
Good luck. Fingers crossed she likes you back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Hi. Stop right there, my friend. Go to youtube and check the relevant blogs from:- Arkady39- Serb-aethiest (why nice guys fail with women)- David Wygant- Mystery pick-up artist- David DeangeloAlso go to videojug and check the blogs on 'how to tell if someone is attracted to you'.May I recommend the firework principle with women:The larger the explosion (i.e. the larger the emotional bomb you're about to let off) the further you should stand back after the event. If you come on strong you will lower your value to this woman i.e. she will think she can have you any day of the week. Keep yourself busy, keep yourself aloof. Remember, diamonds are valuable because they are scarce. Keep your distance to engage her curiosity and therefore increase your value. If you do this well enough then she will come to you. Remember, make the woman feel like she is part of the journey, not the destination. In other words don't make her your primary goal, make her your secondary goal and she will be swept along with you. Have other interests/hobbies in other words. After all, how can you pick a woman up if you have made her your destination? Don't make her feel therefore that she is your only focus in life or she will run a mile. Be cool. Similar to the firework principle is the 'eating' principle. If you give her a big emotional meal i.e. tell her how you feel about her, then she will need quite some time (weeks at least) to digest this. If you keep coming on strong then you will basically be trying to feed some one who has not yet digested your last emotional meal. Pull back - let her digest. If you keep force feeding her before she has digested your last emotional meal then she will start rejecting your emotional feeds. REMEMBER - YOU SEE HER EVERYDAY IN THE OFFICE AND THEREFORE TAKE A SOFTLY SOFTLY APPROACH. THERE IS NO RUSH. She needs to start chasing you so that you know you're up and running. I'll send you a link shortly to show you what can happen. I was 22-25 once and made disastrous mistakes with women. Coming on too strong is an absolute no-no. Remember Tom Berenger's instructions in Platoon: 'Take the pain!!!!!'. Yours, FifthQuadrant (my nom-de-plume!).
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (31 July 2008):
 nope. never EVER tell a women you're interested.Women are messed up creatures and Love playing games. they hate being played... ironic no?women like being chased, which gets old and annoying. Reallly fast, telling a girl up front you like them usually makes them run as its a little too real.just invite her out and spend time with her. but don't let on you're interested.. i know that sounds weird but trust me. pretend you ain't interested like if she's lucky you'll maybe let her play with your giggle stick.women are suckers for a game
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