A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok. There is a girl whom I know. She is 19 and she is in a relationship with her bf for almost 5 years and her bf is 22. She tells me, She had broke up and patched backed with him countless times. She tells me her relationship is unhealthy. Her bf have slapped her once in the past. They have frequent fights. On top of that, she knows he controls her and he is very very possessive. She knows the nature of her relationship. She wants to break up completely from him, but finds it hard because she is been with him for a very long time. Her heart just can't forget him. She keeps thinking relationships starts sweet but turns bitter as it grows. Her happiness never lasts long because she most of the times she quarrels with her bf. Till now, she knows the nature of her relationship but its hard for her to leave him. Can she end this ordeal for good and be a happy single lady? She deserves someone better.
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female
reader, roadie42  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 You're entirely right - she deserves someone much, much better. Disagreements are a normal part of every relationship, but physical and verbal abuse are never, ever appropriate. The fact that he's extremely controlling only makes things worse.
It also makes me very sad to hear she believes that relationships always start nicely and go downhill from there. When you love someone, it'll start nicely...and it'll just keep going. Sure, there will be ups and downs, but having a boyfriend should be an amazing part of your life, not a burden that you're obligated to carry.
Tell this girl that she should move on and find someone out there who truly cares about her - who can show her what a real relationship feels like. It'll be hard to let go of someone you've been dating for that long, but then again, they started dating when she was 14! She's been with this guy throughout her teenage life - a time of great personal growth and change - and perhaps, because of it, she's never really been able to grow as a person and find someone who is a truly meaningful presence in her life.
Tell her to move on and be patient if nothing happens right away. Perhaps it will hurt, but it will be worth it when someone amazing comes along in the end.
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