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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my BF yesterday because he thinks I'm a whore.I never cheated on him. the thing is years before meeting him I had a friend with benefits, who a couple of years later met and introduced me to my now ex.I was quite young, 15 at the time, when I gave that guy oral sex. I "broke up" with the friend, but a year later, he forced me to french kiss me. My BF knew that the guy had made me kiss him, but not that it had been a french kiss. That's what I told him yesterday and he got upset, so he called me a whore and I called it a day (I regret it now).I love him more than anything. But it's so unfair that I'm the one who's suffering. We have broken up before, so I keep hoping he'll come back to me, but I doubt it. He's avoiding me, and he's quite hostile. He says i should've expected that, considering how promiscuous I used to be, that I've no morals, etc.I'm crushed, as I said, I did nothing TO him, he got upset over something I did prior to meeting him. So it's unfair that if I'm the good one here, I'm the one who has to suffer. I should feel good about breaking up, because I was the dumper, and he should feel awful for mistreating me and because he was dumped. But it's kinda the other way round.I feel awful, this is my first love, my first relationship ever, I'm so crushed, we were together for a year and a half and we wanted to live together and spend our lives together. Just the day before yesterday he was telling me how he wanted to leave the past in the past and love me forever. Now I'm here, devastated, and he's so mad at me, and I don't know what to do.I really don't know how to deal... help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Sometimes , it is easy to give advice because one is detached and not involved in the case and we do not know the depth of the feelings of the poster.
Understand that it is not like black and white . There are grey areas.
What ever happened in one case does not mean it will happened the same in another case.
Not every men are the same or act the same in the same situations.
What happens in one case may not be the same in another.
Each case will have to be judged individually on it's own.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Hi,
Whatever you do don't go back to him. He is an insecure jerk who will only make you feel miserable. Calling you a whore was out of order, so it's best you found out what he is really like now. Pity his future girlfriends who will be made to feel bad for having any sort of relationship before him. These guys want their girls to be virginal but they live in the real world where this is so rare.
Count your blessing you are rid of him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): I had exactly the same thing happen to me - basically my (now ex) boyfriend completely freaked out when he found out about some stuff I had done, calling me a whore etc etc. I forgave him and we stayed together, but to be honest I really wish I hadn't. That reaction revealed that he was just a really insecure, possessive, controlling git! If he can't accept that your behaviour BEFORE you even meet him has nothing to do with the way you feel about him, then my god, is he self involved (to a very unhealthy level)! Yes, you are really upset and the situation is completely unfair (because you did nothing wrong) but you are sooooooooo much better off without him. I have to say that I completely agree wtih q1605 - you may be going through pain now but in the long term you are better off without him!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 March 2008):
When you fight verbally , you hurt each other and when you are hurt,you become irrational and have abnormal behaviour.
You lashed out at the other.The person you loved the most gets the full brunt of the hurricane force.With friends , you may temper those stinging criticisms but not with your loved ones
Being called horrible names are common when you go for each other's jugular.We are sometimes guilty of that, calling other's names in another form.
In the moment of madness, you become irrational and you just vent your anger on your partner and later when the dust has settled, you will find regret for those hurtful words. You don't mean it .
You should therefore not take those hurtful words seriously and understand that it was unintentional though you may think it was intentional.
Do not just because some one called you a whore or any other derogatory terms , that you throw them away for life.
We are only human and not perfect. No one is perfect.
Life is about learning our mistakes and growing up.
If your love is strong, you will not break up....
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 March 2008):
It is a lover's tiff. If he loves you , he will come back for you .
You both are young and hot headed.Let things cool down for a few days and it will be easier to speak to each other again.
If you do meet again , do act normal and try not to bring up that issue again. Just move on.
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A
female
reader, Ftuley +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Hello there,
It's all to soon to be sure the relationship is over, I strongly believe you ought to let him cool off for a bit and then if he still has the same beliefs about you, then you have to find a way to move on .
I know it is hard to let go, but sometimes is the best thing you can do, to make a relationship work out you need trust and respect, and he has neither.
Calling you names is appalling enough let alone about something in the past, everyone has a past, and for sure he has one too.
What I advise you to do is to be strong and don’t call him, text him or look for him, leave it at that for now, if he really loves you, and you are meant to be, believe me, he will look for you.
However, try not to drive yourself crazy about it, stay calm and think about yourself for a minute, think about keeping your head up high, knowing you deserve better, and if he really believes you are what he said, then forget him and move on, I`m sure there's someone out there who will respect you better.
Please, don't feel guilty about it, you done the right thing, walking away from someone who believes too little of you is actually the only choice.
Let me know how you get on.
Take care
Fatima
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