A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year. It's my first serious relationship. He's 40. I'm 23. We get along well. Sex is good most of the time. He makes me laugh, he's kind, listens and really cares about me. The thing is lately I've been thinking about ending it. I mean, he's my first serious boyfriend and my first sexual partner. Am I wrong to be curious about what sex is like with other men? The whole thing makes me feel guilty.I've hung out with my boyfriend's friends and his brothers too. They're all either married with kids or getting married. I feel like I don't belong in the group. Then again, I don't relate well to people even my own age. And I also feel like he should be with someone his own age. He hasn't talked about marriage with me all that much, but if I were him, I would want a serious commitment. Maybe we just need a break. Like I said, he's not a bad guy. We're good together. But I'm still young, you know? Perhaps I should talk to him about this but I don't want to hurt him. Let me know what you guys think.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): Sometimes younger women like older men at first - I was like this, married someone ten years older than me and a lot older in his ways.As time went on it started to weigh me down. My life felt all out of synch with people of my own age, even though I had never felt in sync with them.We divorced some years later and I went out with a man five years younger - I could not even believe I was doing this but we started out as friends and fell in love. The fun and spontaneity and wonderful sex was light years removed from what I'd experienced with my older husband, even though I had genuinely loved him at first.My relationship with the younger man laster 18 years. These days, I just want someone my age or similar.It sometimes just happens this way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2014): "He's 40. I'm 23. We get along well. Sex is good most of the time. He makes me laugh, he's kind, listens and really cares about me."Well, the age difference is pretty big, but ou've found a good man: why destroy what you have in order to go and hookup with other guys? "The thing is lately I've been thinking about ending it. I mean, he's my first serious boyfriend and my first sexual partner. Am I wrong to be curious about what sex is like with other men? The whole thing makes me feel guilty." It makes you feel guilty for a reason: the guy is kind and loving towards you, and you are thinking of dumping him just to have sex with other guys. You feel guilty because you have a working conscience! I know what the other posters have said, but we always think that the grass is greener on the other side, and we always want to hear someone validate our desire to go out and look for 'excitement'. But I've seen too many girlfriends end up blowing up a perfectly good relationship to go out and play the field -- and often end up lonely women, with very jaded views about men and relationships. You say that you don't really fit in with your peers, so maybe an older man really is the answer (and it sounds as though you get on well together). My advice is to work on the relationship -- you say that the sex is good "most of the time". Well, when it isn't good, tackle the problem: if he's attentive like you say, then he'll listen to your concerns. Maybe heating things up in the bedroom a little will dispel your desire for other men, who knows? And ask him about commitment and marriage -- you have a right to know exactly where you stand with him. Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (25 January 2014):
You boyfriend sounds like a great guy. He just not that guy for you. You don't have to be mean with him but he deserves someone who is going to love him and make a commitment.
You are too young to be in a serious relationship. If I was a friend/cousin/mother I would tell you that you need to explore yourself, your world and have fun.
You are going to hurt him with the break up. Don't be afraid of that emotion. It is a part of life. Go forward and let him go. There is so much out there for you to get a hold of.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 January 2014):
 He doesn't have to be a bad guy for you to end the relationship. Ending a relationship isn't something we do to punish our partners if they behave bad. Although Hollywood movies would have us think otherwise. But people who just aren't that great of a match also break up, without either side doing anything bad. People who care about each other break up, and some remain good friends too afterwards. People often break up without any drama, they just sit down, talk about it, and say something up the lines of "You're a great person, but you're not the one for me".
If you stay with your boyfriend now you're doing it just out of habit. There's nothing scary about being single. He doesn't rock your socks off, so why should you be with him? Comfort? So he's a great guy who you get along with, sounds like he could be a nice friend who you could occasionally meet for coffee, but why would you date him?
Ask yourself this, if you weren't together, and you went on a date with him now, would you have thought afterwards "OMG, I want to be in a relationship with this guy!!!"
Or would you have thought "Hmm, that's a nice man." And that'd be the end of that?
Without passion and sex that makes you scream so loud you wake up the neighbors.. I really don't see the point. And you wondering what sex is like with other men is a good indicator that the moment has passed, and you are ready for something new. Your boyfriend was great, for the moment, but you are ready to move on. I fully support that. Don't ever settle, you only live once, and I can't see any reasons why you should tie yourself to this man any longer.
I'm just saying, if everything was great you wouldn't be on here asking us our opinions. You want out, you just don't know how to tell him. It's your first time breaking up with someone, and that's difficult!! I know! But you have to do what you have to do...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2014): You gave very good reasons why you actually should allow yourself to explore; and have other relationships.
There is no question if you are capable of forming a committed, meaningful, and healthy bonding with another person.
He is your first serious commitment. Too often people feel "obligated" to remain in a relationship beyond the point they have the desire to stay monogamous; or their feelings become uncertain.
It is more fair to your partner to end it once this happens; than to remain and pretend things are fine. That would be misleading them. Wasting their feelings.
People commit to you as long as they know you are equally reciprocating your love. If you feel he is unable to fulfill you enough to want to stay, then you have to be honest about that. That doesn't mean you don't love him.
It means you no longer love him like you used to,as much,or in the same way.
I know that telling him your feelings have changed would be painful and difficult for both of you. Forcing yourself to stay in conflict with true feelings, will lead to major complications down the road. It may result in a nasty breakup. Cheating often happens under these circumstances.
I think your relationship has run it's course; and you are no longer receiving the emotional fulfillment you once received from it. That doesn't make you a bad person. If more people were honest about it, relationships would end with more understanding. It would give more closure to their partners.
All relationships don't lead to marriage. That doesn't mean you didn't truly love your partner.
Commitments aren't all expected to mean people are suitable to be life-partners. Other relationships may be had thereafter. That is human nature. That is how we find the appropriate mate.
Don't worry about what you think he should have. That's up to him to decide. You should decide what is best for you.
You should give your relationship serious thought and consideration; do some introspection, then do what you think will bring you the most happiness and fulfillment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2014): I have been in a serious relationship with a guy when I was 21 to 23, he was 36 - 38 then. He was good and the sex was also good, but I finally broke it off because: my friends were younger than his, and none of us felt really comfortable in each others circles. I started to really see other younger guys as being more physically attractive, and when I finally thought that when I would still be young at 35, he would be around 50, same age my father was at that time, and I just could not do it anymore. I started kind of resenting him for being his age and having lived and still being so selfish to have me so young, looking like his arm candy. I could not see a future with him anymore, I wanted to age with someone in my own age range and have kids and form a family. My guy already had two kids, you did not mention if yours had. When I got the courage to break it off, it was heart breaking, we both cried but he understood that I was too young and that I had to live my own life instead of being so seriously attached to someone that already lived. I am 27 now and engaged and 3 months pregnant. I found the most wonderful guy, he's 29 now and we've been together for 3 years. Breaking up with the old guy was the best decision I ever made. It takes a few weeks to get over the break up but once you do you are a new person. Plus I am still friends with the old dude...
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 January 2014):
 You're at an age where some are looking to settle down and get married and others are not. 23 is one of those in between ages where it could go either way.
On the other hand, 40 is not typically one of those ages. Granted, that's not necessarily true. Hell, he could just be looking for something casual, as well. However, seeing as how he's been committed to you for a year, he's obviously fairly serious about you and potentially seeing if you're marriage material.
If you know this is not something you're looking for at your age, and you wish to date around and experience different things, you definitely should cut him loose so he has the opportunity to find a woman who is on the same page as him. She doesn't necessarily have to be his age, as a lot of women in their mid twenties do want a serious relationship. However, as I mentioned, many don't, as well. You are not wrong for how you're feeling at all. It is completely justifiable.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (25 January 2014):
 its normal to be curious, but when you cross the line is when damage to your relationship will happen. when trust is broken it is hard to get back, and if trust is ever restored it will never be the same. your asking if you should break up with him? that is something only you can decide. but if your heart is not totally in the relationship, and your curious about what is out there, i have to ask how trusting are you in the relationship? yes you are a few years different in age, that is something to think about. and another thing to think about is you should not marry the one you can live with, instead you should marry the one you can't live without. you need to open up to him and let him know what is on your heart about marriage, the future between you two.
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