A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a daughter and am expecting another child. And since she was born, my parents have not been very active in her life. The first three or 4 months, they'd come over almost every weekend and after that, it'd be every several months. They do live far but they'll come visit someone in the area, go to some wedding or family function and then return home without coming to see her. At family events where all of us are, they try to play with her, etc. but she doesn't go to them since she hardly sees them. I feel hurt and I've mentioned these things to them in the past and all it does is cause more frustration because they hear me but don't "listen" and ignore it. What can I do? Am I being irrational for wanting my parents to be involved in my daughters life?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2017):
 Do you make the effort to visit them with your daughter so that they can get to know her, it sounds from your post that you want them to do all the running.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 My friend had a similar problem with her parents not making effort to come visit them and Grandkids... At the other end, it was a case of grumpy old folks set in their ways... Children no matter how old, they are to come visit their parents. Not so much the other way round; parents visiting their adult kids. Yet her folks still complained to me about not seeing their daughter, the Grandkids. Bottom line was; each wanted to see one another but no-one was getting off the dang couch, getting into the car and drive!
Now what distance are you from your parents? It doesn’t sound like an overnight distance which would require a sleep over? From what you mentioned they have visited before (in the area) and returned home. Therefore I feel you being the younger with a busy small family and perhaps on a work schedule you would know best when you have free time to go visit your parents. That way you get them involved without them being aware of what you’re doing. Take along a cake or something, eat it and go, let them get back to their TV or whatever the case may be.
Unless they are categorically impatient (not the dotting type) of any screaming toddler, I get they’d rather do without the noise; Grumpy old folks syndrome. However do you invite them to birthdays and or other family fixed events that they have no excuse to avoid?
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (27 June 2017):
 I can understand you might feel disappointed but there isn't much you can do about it. There may be many reasons they don't want to spend time with her. What have they told you?
Not all grandparents are doting. Some are glad to get the tiny children stage, with all the noise and worry, behind them. Perhaps they will be more involved when the children are older. Perhaps they just don't like your child. Who knows?
However as long as you keep loving your children and providing, the rest is incidental.
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