A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im so depressed with the way i look. i keep crying because i feel so hideous. i cant look in mirrors and wont stand next to windows incase i see my reflextion, even seeing my shadow makes me feel sick. i hate my weight and am trying to loose it and i do okay for a couple of days but then i get upset or something and binge eat and then make myself sick. its got to the point where im making myself sick just so i can eat the foods i want. i only started reguarly doing it just over a week ago (i used to maybe do it once a month) yet already im throwing up at least twice a day and feeling guilty whenever i eat. i started going to the gym but felt so fat and self conscious i stopped. now i cant afford to go anymore. i want to exercise at home but i hate the way my body feels so fat and unhealthy when i exercise i stop and now ive lost all motivation whatsoever.ive hated my face for as long as i remember. im 20 yet the sight of my face and how i look physically repulses me to the extent that i want to cry everytime i think about it. all my friends are absolutely stunning, i feel so hideous and insignificant around them. some of them know how i feel (but not how bad its got) and say im not ugly but i know they are just trying to make myself feel better.i feel like no one pays attention to me, especially guys. they all crowd around my friends and talk to me because they want to get close with my beautiful friends and every guy ive liked has fancied one of my friends instead. i cant hack feeling so insignificant that i fake illnesses or make deep cuts in my skin and say it was an accident just so i get attention. i now have a massive scar on my arm which i hate.i hate what im doing to myself and i hate myself for it. i dont want to see a counsellor as i find it hard to open up my emotions. plus i cant afford it and i dont want to tell my parents what happening as they will want me to go home incase im "suicidal" (im at university)how can i stop feeling this way. i cant cope with it any longer, its tearing me apart to the point where i just want to stay in my room and never leave
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): I know im 11 but at this point i am in the exact posistion of you..not close, exactly. I too am very self conscious, and now have rather large scars on my wrists which i too, only do for rid of pain and attention. For three months i was belemic, and it was only to that point that i realized that this is a case in which this action is fatal. i too do look for answers, but what you need to realize is that you're young. as a great women once said,"when you're young you're beautiful, even if you aren't beautiful. look inside yourself and find the great qualities that you have...express yourself in the way you feel is you. truth is you're beautiful for who you are, dont look at yourself as ugly look at yourself as who you are...beautiful
A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (15 June 2007):
 i no u have heard this before but i can relate to u. but u no the reason why ur not attracting guys its because they can sense a confident person and by the way u have talked about urself. i used to feel the way u did my best friend so far has always got all the guys i have fancied but not saying your m8s are but most guys like an easy girl to shag and than leave but i will admit not all guys are like this but most are. i am sorry that u feel they way u did it felt like reading what i used to feel like i do sometimes but if u start feeling good about yourself than it shows on the outside i used to harm myself to get people to notice me but in the end it was stupid and u r even more silly to not tell ur family they have a right to no and they could help. im sure there are plenty of guidence mangers at ur uni and im sure its feel u need to talk to some1. I no its hard trust me i no but feeling like this will drive u crazy and u will be missable and u will keep going round in a circle as u r feeling the same way all the time. don't care what over people say or whereever all the guys are with ur friends think forward. u r looking at ur friends and are probably thinking i wish i was like them maybe if i acted like them or wear somethin like them the boys will come over to you and to tell u that isn't nice to a guy be yourself be who all ur m8s no and love. uni is very tough but u can help urself. one thing i use to use was kalms it got me to sleep i use to plan everythin and worry bout what people will say i was a complete nut case but i have my family and friends and i feel great bout that but my weight is a problem but i will get off my lazy ass and i will do somethin about it and thats the way u should be acting. u have ur whole life a head of u please help yourself and i hope u will be the confoident women that u should be and if u want to talk anytime u can email me. xxx be safe xxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (15 June 2007):
 You really do need to go and see your doctor all of this will not just go away if you don't if anything it will get worse, now you have managed to open up to us on this site it would be just the same to tell your doctor, you say you can not tell your parents how you are feeling have you not got a very close friend you can confide in that could accompany you to the doctors.
Please talk to somebody and soon.
Take care.xx. keep in touch if you want to talk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): There surely are ways to afford this type of care if you are at university....contact the school's clinic or mental health department....you need to seek help fast, you are in trouble here, and we can't help you the way you need to be helped...you are being very irrational, none of this is really true and you need to talk with someone about it at school or to your doctor, you don't have to feel this way, you have a choice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): I deeply feel for you, so much it nearly had me in tears reading your sad situation,its such a shame you hate yourself so much, so much that you physically hurt yourself-please STOP this. The saddest thing is that there are so many other women out there that feel this way about themselves, you have no confidence in yourself at all.
So what that you have beautiful friends-you are beautiful to, i know you don't feel like it but you are. Firstly take some control in yourself,STOP making yoursself sick because that won't do anything instead of making the situation even worse.STOP harming yourself please because one day the cut could be to deep and if you ended up in hospital or even dead how do think your family and friends are going to feel?Get back down that gym and go onto a proper diet, go swimming,running or even do exercises in your bedroom.
You can do this and you need to say that to yourself everyday ok.Please sort yourself out and when you do you will look back at this and think 'god i done it'.You are in a rut but trust me there is always light at the end of the tunnel.I really do hope things will start looking up for you but that will only happen if you make the first step. Good luck hunny. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): You know your thoughts sound really irrational here, you may suffer from a psychological conditon that causes you to see yourself as a monster, a very disproportionate view as to reality....dysmorphic .....
Anywho, you would be best to discuss how you are feeling with your family physician and he can refer you to a good therapist, you most likely need to be on some antidepressants, this will change your life and your outlook, so please don't worry and seek the help you need. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself!
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