A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help on this one. This torments me to no end and I can’t for the life of me figure this out. For some reason I get no interest from women. I’m 26 and I’ve still yet to have a romantic relationship. Women are either content with just knowing who I am, or being nothing more than friends with me. Don’t get me wrong, I like having women as friends…just not all of them. On the other hand, my friends have no problem attracting women; women that see them romantically and actually want to be with them. I’ve talked to my friends about this and even they don’t know why someone wouldn’t be interested in me. Even my female friends tell me that I’d be a great match for someone. That’s great to hear, but why am I still single then? I’m told that I have a very friendly and easygoing personality. Physically I hear that I’m a good looking guy too. I enjoy doing pretty much anything outdoors, reading (when I’m not already reading something for a class), hanging out with friends, and even doing a little volunteer work here and there. Financially I’m holding my own. The GI bill pretty much takes care of school; I have my own car, and have a pretty good size down payment for a house saved up (thanks to a few deployments.) I’m also really passionate about my law enforcement career choice and a have even landed a conditional offer of employment from one of the largest and most respected police departments in my state. Yet here I sit pouring my heart out on the internet grasping at straws to figure this out.I see my friends with their girlfriends all of the time and can’t help but feel lonely for that someone special to share my time with. Not to mention that sex would be nice also. For some unknown reason I just hold no interest to women. I’ve tried everything I can think of and nothing changes. After a while you can’t help but ask…What’s wrong with me?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 September 2012):
 Confidence comes from past success. You can't have success until you experience failure. I think you are avoiding experiencing failure.
You keep saying "attract a woman." Do you actually ask them out on a date? Or do you chat with them hoping that they will ask you out?
Your attitude is definitely holding you back.
My point about watching a player at work isn't for you to become one yourself. It's to see how he engages with a woman and how he finds a way to get her interested enough in him to move to the next step.
You don't 'attract' women. You go ask them out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really don’t have a lot of confidence in this sort of thing. Confidence comes from past success; of which I have little to none when it comes to women. Want me to kick in a door and secure a building?…done. Take lead on a nuclear recovery team?...give me five minutes. Go on convoy outside the wire?...no problem. Attract a woman beyond just being friends?...uhhhhhhhh? It’s kind of like job hunting but worse. Everyone wants experience and no one wants to give it.My friends really aren’t players; aside from one who has been described by many as a “wandering coc*.” They’re just normal guys that apparently possess something I lack. I’ve even asked this friend how he manages do it, but he just says that he doesn’t know what to tell me. I’ve read most of that PUA stuff. Aside from being mostly hype and testimonials it really lacks any useful substance. Maybe I’ll look around for some videos to demonstrate these concepts, but I’m hesitant to waste even more of my time on that stuff. Useful personal advice would be much more helpful.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 September 2012):
You have to go after them. You don't wait for them to meet you halfway. Rent "Crazy, Stupid, Love" for some onscreen pointers for picking up women. The tutorial Ryan Gosling's character gives to Steve Carrell's character is hilarious. And in many ways, a useful one.
Your attitude is 'watch and wait.' That'll get you nowhere because most women don't have to pursue, they ARE pursued.
Are any of your friends players, by any chance? I'm not encouraging you to be one, but you could learn some tips from them by observing them as they interact with women. You've asked your friends if you are attractive enough but you haven't asked them what you need to change about your behavior or demeanor.
Listen to Cerberus' advice. He's trying to shake you out of your sense of complacency. "I look fine, it's the women who are the problem." Um no, it's your approach and your attitude that are keeping you right where you put yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): I don't understand what you mean the other 50% OP. Makes no sense to me because you don't need interest to pursue a girl, you don't need signs or any of that crap pretty much all of them are there for the taking.
I still think you're doing it wrong, even the language you use "chatting with" you should be chatting up, not just being friendly. Flirting, showing interest, complimenting her, resting your arm gently on her waist, asking for her number, asking to meet up.
OP I can talk to women all day long but if I'm interested then there's only so much talking I will do before I start flirting, joking and asking a girl out.
Now I know it's something you're doing wrong OP because my player days I was a fat, short, unemployed, fat blob of a man but I was tenacious, funny, ballsy and willing to try. I never felt lonely, never saw being with a woman as a big deal and as an adult never really over-think things.
Stop looking for the elusive 50% and make her interested, dating isn't a democracy, it's a fascist dictatorship and you're the great leader. If you stand there waiting for obvious signs of interest instead of making her interested then you get nowhere. What part of "sweeping her off her feet" don't you get? No offence OP but you're thinking like a girl.
Interest is not a two way street, do you really think women were interested in my player self, I was no oil painting OP, the kind of guy most girls would have scoffed at until they actually got talking to me and I was relentless in my pursuit. OP course girls aren't going to see you that way if you're just coming across as a timid, nice, friendly guy. You have to light that spark in them, have to have a bit of an edge and that all comes from showing your desire for them in a way that makes them feel good.
You can be subtle, obvious whatever you want OP but you're not chasing if you're waiting to see whether she's interested, that's hesitation right there, that's not taking the initiative I was talking about OP.
You know how I do it? I assume they're all interested, I talk to them like human beings but my aim is romance not friendship so I move it in that direction always and I will ask a girl out in the first conversation. I will not befriend a girl I want to date and I'm not afraid to fail. I don't need a girl to gush all over me, in fact the cold fish "who the fuck are you?" types are my favourite to get because believe it or not when you know what you're doing they're the easiest ones to get.
OP I don't know you, so I can't say specifically what it si you're doing wrong, but you're obviously going for the wrong types, not showing enough desire, not going in for the kill and seem to be too hesitant, it's sounds like you want a guarantee that she likes you before you make a move and that to me sounds like you have no confidence when it comes to this sort of thing. You may not be taking enough chances, nor soon enough, etc.
If I were you I'd look up some seduction techniques. The seduction community online is quite comprehensive and while most of them do it for the cheap thrill of getting laid the techniques they use are ones you can adapt to your own technique, because that's what it is OP, it's a skill set with confidence as the underlying trait. It's not fake, it's something you can learn, it's not underhanded because you can still be you, you just need to learn how to get your foot in the door.
Look those up and just pay attention to how they approach and speak to women they want to bang. It's not hard to do if you're willing to put yourself out there and take risks.
One final point, if you're solely focused on women you work or friends of friends then try getting a total stranger in a club, or supermarket or something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your thoughts Cerberus. While I agree with you on the whole “get out there and be proactive approach”, that’s not really what I was getting at here. While I really would like to meet more women regularly, I already meet a fair amount of women as it is. And chatting with them isn’t the problem either. I’m perfectly comfortable and able to do that just fine. Interest is a two way street and unfortunately no one I meet wants to put forth the other 50%. When it comes to anything more than friendship women just don’t see me in “that way” no matter how subtle or obvious I am about it. It confuses me to no end leaving me to wonder what I have to do to be seen in “that way.”
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): What's wrong with you? Nothing, you're just doing it wrong.
OP you're military, or ex military surely they thought you how to get shit done. Whether you were a mechanic working in the motor pool or a front line combatant then the principle is the same. You're given a task you tackle it head on, by taking the initiative, possibly the most important aspect of any military operation or task is having the initiative.
Well with this personal task you have to do the same. The only difference here is you don't have any training to fall back on so you have to teach yourself and you do that by going out and trying.
Why don't you have a girlfriend? Because you haven't gone out there and gotten one.
OP your attitude to this is wrong, "For some reason I get no interest from women" of course you don't, you're a guy. I don't get any either really and I've been with 10's of women. We don't just put on a figure hugging dress that really accentuates our boobs and ass, and then just hang around while we're approached by loads of girls, your boobs probably aren't all that impressive, no offence.
We're the ones who do the approaching, we're the ones who have to take the initiative and get the girl.
OP lovely looking girls get approached all the time and chatted up, they don't have to come to you because they only have to sit back and let guys come to them. You have to be one of those guys, you have to be the hunter here.
To be honest with you OP the only problem you're having is that you expect it to just happen, use your military skills, the skills and determination that have also lead you to succeed so well there, afterwards and now to pursue a career in law enforcement and just apply that to women.
There are no magic tricks, there are no things you need to do to make yourself more attractive to them, you just get up off your arse and you start hunting.
Remember, you're a guy, we don't sit around twirling our hair with our legs crossed and have droves of women approach us, that's our role, that's our task if we want them and it's all about the initiative. It's the same as the military or being a cop, if you get beaten back then you keep going and next time you be better prepared, you don't get angry, bitter, sad because you will just lose again.
Take the initiative OP, translate your drive into a romantic setting and you'll succeed.
One more thing, don't befriend a girl you want to date, ask her out. Be direct and just get this done.
You have all the tools, you just need to get out there and hone your technique.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Nothing is wrong with you! Enjoy your freedom, your buddys are all envious of you. Misery loves company.they want you to know how it is in their world of micro-management.
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A
female
reader, nat1972  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Nothing is wrong with you. I feel for you, I really do! Perhaps the right woman has not come your way yet. You will know when the right woman comes your way. You will think about her every minute of the day. She will turn your life around, (this my friend, is falling in love). But in the mean time, How do we fix this problem. Are you shy, at the tought of asking woman out? Lack confidence somewhat. Maybe the right one just hasn't turned up on your doorstep yet. Keep looking dear friend, and don't just go out with a lady cause she is there. You obviously have some idea of the right person who you want to come into your life and have a relationship with. Don't settle for less. Sometimes emotionally your not ready for a relationship and by that I mean, You are chasing your career. and working very hard. And maybe your life just hasn't reached that point where you have space and time for the woman of your dreams. She is out there. You are following your path, keep following it and chasing your dreams. You are young, and have so much to look forward to. Don't rush it.
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