A
female
age
41-50,
*hane
writes:I would like to spice up our sex life but I don't know exactly how to do it its not like I can go to my mom for advise so I always see very helpful people on the site I'm willing to go to the ends of earth to make my man happy,should I buy toys or creams anybodies advice will be great I have a non functional one at the moment
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (21 August 2012):
 Well definitely communicate with him. Tell him you would like to spice up your sex life and try some new things. I suggest going together to a book store and checking out the erotic section. They have books on different sex positions and that's usually the best place to start. You don't want to jump right into using toys if you have never tried anything like that before, just build up to getting more and more adventurous with what you are comfortable with. My husband and I bought the Kama sutra book and just picked out a couple of positions we wanted to try each night as well as different forms of kissing and foreplay that was mentioned in the book. It was a lot of fun and we found a couple of things we loved, some were ridiculous over the top positions but still had a laugh trying them! It also has "taking it up a notch" and offers additions to the positions, such as whips, handcuffs, things like that. Just explore what feels comfortable to you and have fun.
If you ever want to just surprise him after communicating about a new spicier sex life, you can buy lingerie and be ready for him when he comes home. Or leave sexy notes for him that he will find when you aren't around telling him how much you look forward to seeing him tonight. Get creative and use what you know he likes. You can always look up articles online as well, there's an abundance of sex help sites.
Oh and the name of the book we have in case you were interested is Kama Sutra step by step - the ultimate guide to the ancient art of sexual pleasure. It's a collaboration so not just one author. But there are tons of books out there with 100s of positions so pick what looks good and right for both of you. Have fun :)
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 August 2012):
 O K I found the official quote:"
Evelyn: Ed... If I'd answered the door wearing only cellophane, would you still be watching the baseball game?
Ed: No, honey, I'd probably be checking you into a loony bin.
FA
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 August 2012):
Chane,
Think communication. You two need to decide together what you would like to try. I'm not saying that surprise is a bad idea, it worked well in my relationship. My wife surprised me with lingerie early on in our marriage. On the other hand I know a guy who was very turned off by exactly the same thing. He thought it made her look easy.
Some couples are competitive, for them a game can help get the conversation / experimenting started. One of the games we use was free online. One we ordered for under $5 us online.
While you always have the right to say no, I would try to be more adventurous during this stage. For example My wife was against toys for a long time. Finally she agreed to an abstract one. The next one she picked out her self. Her attitude changed after her experience.
Some things you will like some you won't, same with him. The key is to be open and communicate. It's even ok to have some rules decided on from the start.
There was a funny scene in the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes", the woman asks her husband "would you be sitting there watching that game if I had met you at the door wearing nothing bur saran wrap" To which he replies "Nope, I'd be checking you into the mental ward".
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): Pamper him, Praise him, Tell him what you enjoy most when he is doing it, share your feelings of pleasure with him when you are enjoying it. Show him by your reaction that you want him to continue if it is something that you would like more of.
If he tells you he really likes something you are doing, and it is something you are willing to do it more and give him as part of the time you give him pleasure then go ahead.
If he truly loves you he will want to be tender to you. His Actions will always count for more than his words. A man shows he cares by his actions, not his words.
And maybe try this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.html
But if he requests something that makes you squirm and it is something that you are not comfortable with then it is acceptable to say NO. And he will accept that NO if he truly loves you. If he does not accept your NO then rethink if he is the man for you.
Resist the temptation to think you have to copy what guys watch in porn pix. If he really loves you he will never ask for anything that demeans you and nothing ever that humiliates you.
Hold the criticism unless he does something to hurt you (very uncool to do that)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 August 2012):
 Well I don't know about toys or creams. I've had a very active sex life without that kind of thing. I think that various positions and activities, such as including oral, and maybe massages, do a fairly good job of relaxing and enjoying sex for both partners. Nothing against the fancy stuff, but why need it?
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