A
male
age
36-40,
*jekim
writes:I dont know what to do here! please help, sorry ahead of time this is kind of long.I work at a book store that this girl is a customer of. ( we have a strict rule about not asking out customers, reasonable rule, i have no arguments about it) Shes shopped with us for about a year and a half. I've had a MASSIVE crush on her but she had a long term boyfriend who she came in with all the time, but mainly just her and i talked. He didnt seem as interested in all the stuff around. I'm an artist and she's a singer, so we followed each other on instagram and messaged sometimes. Nothing flirty or anything (note the store rule) but she was always nice. She commisioned some work from me that i basiclly gave her for free and some other stuff. It made me really happy to see her so happy. (plus i had more stuff to put in my portfolio) We even hung out a bit at a local comic convention that had been around.She then got in a band as lead, and she invited me to her first concert (i think she invited a bunch of people) So i got the day off saying it was my birthday. (my b day was the next day) and went. It took an hour to get there but i made it. That's when i realized, I was head over heels for this girl. I just drove an hour to see a peformece of a girl who already has a BF! I must be insane!She seemed really happy to see me but mentioned she was going thorugh some stuff right now and was couch surfing. I felt awful for her, but i was excited she was excited for the show. And she was INCREDIBLE! I dont know what the feeling was but i wanted to be around her for as long as i could. She even gave me a birthday shoutout on stage!When we were done, i messaged her on insta saying how much i loved her band, it was so inspirational I drew her band a logo they could use if they wanted, just gave it to her. I asked her did she need any money and was she okay. I said I thought she was living with her Bf, was everything okay? She said she was, but had ended things with him. I gave her my number in case she wanted to talk, she thanked me for my concern and that she loved the logo.So that's where I am right now. What should I do? Should I do nothing? I like her so much but I have no idea what to do! I have no experience with relationship stuff, this is why i needed the help.
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female
reader, WishiiStar +, writes (15 October 2019):
@stanliwise Your physical looks do matter. Why do you think girls crush on celebrities and pop stars. Guys just say that to make themselves feel better.
A
male
reader, stanliwise  +, writes (20 August 2019):
 Op, you really have a bad image about yourself, from what you wrote.
what does it mean by you are not dateable?
I think you have have to work on your personality, many girls find guys more attractive if they are spontaneous, original and confidence about their self, while having an open mind to learn and interact.
I like the part you aren't expecting much from the girl and your options are open but truth is you have to work a little hard to get in the picture, don't run into hasty conclusions, it also would mean that you were too expectant, with what you said it is not a sign she doesn't like you, she doesn't really know you is better and to fit into the picture, you need patience and more clearer picture, I hope you aren't expecting she runs into your arms and the likes.
Your idea of trying to hang out with her isn't really a good choice and practically anyone would turn you down for that, you have to understand someones schedule and behavior before making such extensions, right now it just about communication and getting to know each other. Tell her short and general things about you, ask her few questions and if she is the type that respond to you like she was paying attention, it means she wants to talk to you, how much a girl is willing on to share is a strong pointer of how she see you. But you must have a good ability to bring up good discussion about everyday life, music, event, experience, travels and know when to hang the topic. Don't strangle her with too mcih questions and conversation, make your motive clearer as time goes on. A better knowledge of you and her and schedule would be a good time to offer a hangout.
physical looks is not a criteria most girl looks out for men, as much as you look clean, neat, healthy and have a moderate sense of fashion, you don't need to ponder about your physical looks except it is a personal thing. It doesn't extend to other people that way. The negativity of this type of mindset will always make it look like the girl was too good for you and this could be why you like to do girl favours. Improve on your self appreciation.
A very awkward thing is human can sense insecurity from far distance, from basic communication, so there is a likehood this bad energy will be sensed by females around you.
As for you working long hours and not having time to date is your problem to deal with, when you see someone you like, make plans and effort to create time to know the person and if this goes good, find time to spend with them. enough said.
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A
male
reader, Cjekim +, writes (19 August 2019):
Cjekim is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust one last update, I don't make it a habit to meet girls through my job. I work 40 + hours a week and freelance art when not doing that. The bar/club scene never worked for me and I've been trying (paid subsctiption on and off) for 8 years.
I'm 31 and never had a GF or a date go past 3 dates before I'm ghosted, I'm really seeing the problem and commonality with all these is me. I sadly havent had a date in 3 years lol
and ps. Im not picky, my only "No Gos" is Not Obese (my family and friends have had major health problems with it over the years and it's very unattractive to me to think about it) and No kids. I really have to accept I'm not datable or attractive enough. Oh well lol
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2019):
 It isn't YOU she is rejecting, OP
When someone is fresh out of a relationship, going on dates or hanging out with a guy you know is CLEARLY interested is rarely smart.
There are other ways to meet girls than through your job :)
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A
male
reader, Cjekim +, writes (17 August 2019):
Cjekim is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your great advice guys! She did text me back, I asked her if she would like to hang out some time. Since we both have very heptic scedules. I texted her I was free later in the week and never heard back from her for a couple days, I texted her how did her show go and she said it went great. Then didnt respond back when I asked if she had another show planned yet.
Sadly looks like I'm gonna have to take the hint she clearly isnt interested. (Im 31 and never had a GF should have known she wasen't interested, no one is lol) Anyway thanks again. I wont be bothering her again outside of work and for sure leaving her alone, I'd hate for it to seem like I'm bothering/harrasing her or something
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A
male
reader, stanliwise +, writes (13 August 2019):
The fact you've started giving her things for free and doing some works and logo for free sound kinda overblown off, you could cut cost or do a magnificent job for her, that will just be ok.
Your attitude will only end you up in the friend zone. You're doing nothing more than what an uncle would do for a niece, it isn't your job to give her money or make her feel good.
Where to go from here.
Now you've given her your number, if she calls then it's a sign she likes you, but don't be too fast, start talking but while you do communicate, start tipping in your motives already, and avoid friend topics and discussions. Discuss thing about yourself and her self and get to tell her things about you and let her do same, if she is more willing to tell you about her self then it means she is really liking you, that is the sign of a green light, if she refuse telling you things about herself and personal experience then you have to try harder or backout, she don't really want you as a boyfriend.
If you know her well enough, offer to visit her or offer a hangout, a hangout about doing things and knowing yourself more, at this stage how her body and behavior sync with you while hanging out will give you a pointer if it is the right time to make a proposal.
Just ensure you don't take forever to make the right move and still don't be fast at it. worst of all don't expect anything at the beginning, be open minded and avoid unnecessary favours.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 August 2019):
So she broke up with the BF, correct?
Which means she is now single, however, she is also JUST out of a relationship.
Two things here. DON'T give away your work for free, just because she is cute and you have a crush. If you would let someone else pay, so should she, at least for now. You can of course LOWER your prices for friends and family if you wish. But if SHE commissioned art from you she KNEW it would have a price. The logo is a little different as you made it on your own and offered it. BE smart. Don't mix romance and money. OK?
you write:"I asked her did she need any money and was she okay." Don't. SHE is an acquaintance and customer. IT IS NOT your job to provide her with money too. YOU CAN NOT BUY her or her affections. Whether she is interested or not, DON'T add money to the mix.
She HAS your number, she KNOWS how to contact you where you work and on social media. STOP pushing. UNLESS she is MEGA dense, she knows you are interested. TRUST me.
LET HER "come to you". So to speak. Right now she probably needs to get her life in some kind of order, like having a place to live, maybe a day-job, she NEEDS to work through the break up with her now ex-bf etc. YOU CAN NOT be her "knight in shining armor" and fix her life.
If you try TOO hard you will end up being her "nice guy" rebound. THAT isn't going to last.
And you also need to consider the simple rule at your workplace about NOT dating customers. At least it's a good excuse FOR now, hold back.
YOU have an ulterior motive here. You have a crush on her and hope it will LEAD to something. And maybe it will, down the line but you need to get a grip. You come off as a little too desperate and that is rarely a good thing.
Doesn't mean you can't still talk to her but BACK off on probing in her private life. You have OFFERED up your number and that she can call and talk if she wants to. She hasn't so far, which means she has other people to confide in.
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