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*elion's profile: A little about myself and my story that must be told. I am a 24 year old man who is married, however in a troubled relationship with my wife who does not live with me right now. I may not be married for too much longer which has put me in a state of utter desperation and extreme heart ache. I know once she is gone then all my happiness will fade with her, and I cling to thoughts of her with every fiber of my being. Even now I try to help her and make her life easier as it is the only solace that I have. You see once we started our relationship it was sometimes rocky has she had a lot of problems bearing down from her family whom she still lived with. ((She was 16 and I was 20, I know but age never been a problem and her family approved.)) Her father and mother where at each others throats and she was forced in the middle between her mothers manipulations of using her against her father, caring for her mothers emotions, dealing with a often emotionally distant father, and often caring for her mothers less then average health. This lead to sometimes her taking this out on me. Threatening to break up with me and what not. This will be brought up later so I will mention it now As foolish and immature as it was of me, but something I have done marginally and I will never do it again. I used half lies and full lies about my lifes past to try and redirect the threat of losing her or even having to fully deal with some of her problems that at the time I did not fully understand. Something to make her feel bad for me over. As you see she never really fully confided in me about her situation at those times and could not fathom her behavior when it happened. However I loved her fully and completely like the dream she was to me that came true. In time her relationship between her parents grew severe and her mother left her and her father and practically vanished for a long time after a harsh fight. For over a year if I remember right. Meantime she consumed a lot of money from her grieving father which made life hard for both of them. Additionally being home schooled dependent on her mother my love was forced to finalize her education and get her GED on her own. Now knowing the extent of the reality of my loves childhood I did what I could to help support her, and I hoped it was enough. Driving 1 hour every week to be with her at any expense, spending all my days off work to be with her. After a while despite her fathers good intentions, his often insensitive nature and not to mention the heart ache and problems he was having trickled down to my love without his meaning to. This basically forced my love into a emotional corner which I was a sanctuary for her. Eventually she pleaded for me to be with her and tie the not for good. Against his wishes, I agreed to merry her and drop everything ((Which was not much anyways mind you)) to move up there and get married which I was ecstatic. However we literally had nothing to even begin a life with and did not know really what we where doing. We where young and all I knew was that my love needed me more then ever. However that is where it started to go wrong. Things snowballed and eventually led me here to this state I am in now. Having nothing, not even a place to live and leaving a enraged father. We began to live with our friend of ours named Aaron. The living conditions where poor there and eventually much to our dismay the real truth of him bringing us in was to try and win my love from me and start a affair with her. While at this time I worked at a horrible low paying job I got out of necessity. I was overworked, working long hours with only a few days off, changing hours, mean spirited boss, and with pitiful pay. Additionally my love had equally horrible jobs with different hours and for reasons beyond her control had trouble holding them and finding new ones. So she had time to be at our new "place" with Aaron alone which thankfully her pure heart did not allow him. So it was with that we left that place and her father allowed us back to live with him under his good graces. But not all was well, you see her father still was a very insensitive person despite him being such a good hearted and wise man in nature. This started to form a wall between me and him and in some degree I think it did so with my love. Additionally my love began to spend all our money in credits cards and then some on all sorts of things with as little income as we had. Which forced us into a great deal of horrible debt. I talked and sometimes pleaded with her about it however I was just as much at fault as she was. Because when she spend that money on different things I saw it made her happy in our turmoiled life and so I was compelled to encourage it and even went as far as to buy things for her. Additionally a job with a boss who was not afraid to dig into my personal life to influence me to do what she wanted. It started to wear me down inside and out. And lastly our intimacy halted completely to the extent he have had no intercourse for months despite my attempts. This went on for a period of time which I do not even fully remember the time span for it was like a void to me. It was over a year I know and eventually I fell into a depression that over time just kept getting worse and worse. I began to feel so out of touch with everything. I formed a literal shell around me to further distanced myself from everything and even with my love. My comfort then in all that time was playing this game called World of Warcraft. That dumb game was as good as a drug for me as it took me out of touch with reality so I did not have to deal with all these problems that at the time where just out of my control. After a while my love would try to sometimes make things better for me. However all of it would fall on blind eyes and death ears as I began to fall deeper and deeper into my depressed state. The hands shifted completely and now she was trying to carry me on her already burdened shoulders. Regrettably after time it ate at her and that shell around me hardened like cold steel. After time has passed her mother on a miracle began to re make contact with my love and her father. She seemed to be a changed person and both of them though wary in there hearts after all that has happened where deeply happy. It was not before long the ties began to settle back in and plans where made she was to move back in with us all. However things where still not so well. When she moved back in I was still a depressed dump. Additionally there was still trouble in the air. While she was gone my loves Father had his Ex wife come over with there son Kenneth and their grandson Keaton on many occasions and spend time with her father. It got blown terribly out of proportion when she learned of this fact. For you see his Ex wife was a figure of great pain and animosity in their relationship in the past. She threatened to leave again for good this time and bore down a lot of pressure on me and especially my love. Also we began to see ((Though premature as it was)) signs that we thought she never changed and from our fear and regret we where pushed back into a corner. Not knowing what to do or where to go. However things began to settle between them, but I left myself in this cold steel of a shell. With every problem we have had baring down over all this time. I never allowed it to leave the confines of my heart and it ate within me worse and worse as time went on. At this stage I was a pitiful excuse for a husband and even a son in law. I became incredibly selfish, a insensitive sob, highly negative to everyone, miss trustful, angry, neglecting, lazy, and literally everything that makes a bad husband I became. My love and her reunited family began to bond together again much to their happiness. They did everything together again and even helped my love get our life fixed around much to their expense. And I emphasize the helping her part, for you see I became to far gone to even let them inside my shell despite their best efforts. Her parents are helping us with the bankruptcy and finding us a place to live together all the while they have so much on their shoulders already. Yet I just did nothing. I just let them do most of the work as I just play that game, sleep, and go to work like a slop. I even became overweight. Eventually witht he relizing of that I lied about my past so long ago as the last straw ((As mentioned in the beginning.)) my love began to have enough of me and gave me a ultimatum. She said to me that I am leaving to live with my parents. You need to get your act straight and so we may start over again. To this day I do not even know why it did not sink in then. Much to my horror I do not know why I did not see what I become and what I was doing all that time to my love and her family. No my family! I guess I was just that far gone and in a state of just anger I said and did things I am so sorry for and I still cry every night over. While they gave me another chance after chance I just brushed them all away and said mean things to them constantly. Even said crazy things like I would kill myself if you leave me. It took her shutting off contact with me and threatening a divorce once the Bankrupcy is finalized to finally shake me back into reality. She is so horribly angry with me right now and her parents and friends seem all against me at this moment. God what has become of me? I know realize in full entirety what I have done wrong and most importantly that I have changed. However I fear that it is to late now to change their hearts. I want the chance to prove that I have returned into a caring loving husband even better then before. I want the chance to win back my loves heart! I have transformed my life completely now. I have even re kindled my faith in god. However all I can do is wait in my days filled with desperation and horrible regret. I do not want to lose my family. If I do then how will I go on? I am so scared right now.

I am invited to his flat to watch TV and stay for the night, how can I feel more relaxed? I don't want him to know that I have never dated etc.

I met a man my age at the restaurant, we then talked by phone every night for almost a week, is it possible to feel something so special so soon? What do you recommend?

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