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Dear Cupid > Forums > Cupid's Lounge > Do you comment on bad advice?

Do you comment on bad advice?

, posted over a year ago

If someone has given some really aweful advice do you say anything, or do you just rate their response?

I know the questions are not a forum, and it could easily deteriorate into people flaming each other back and forth, which would not help the question poster at all. But then just rating the reply doesn't do any good because the person has no way of knowing which reply was considered bad. I have some bad on my sore and I don't know which bit of advice it's referring to.

Posted on 17 November 2009 @ 21:57 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I meant some Poor on my scale.

Posted on 17 November 2009 @ 21:58 (London time) - permalink
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Another_Kapiti, posted over a year ago

This website doesn't really give you the option of saying which advice is bad unless you email the aunt and give constructive advice about why a particular answer was poor.

Posted on 17 November 2009 @ 23:17 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

The website is purely subjective, and anyone reading the answers can rate them. There are no right or wrong answers as everyone has a different opinion. Your answers may be more or less popular depending on the type of advice you give or what you suggest. My only suggestion is to try to answer the question to your best ability, with respect and kindness, put yourself in the question asker's shoes, and try to avoid arrogant, thoughtless or rude remarks. If anyone's answer is truly insulting or unhelpful, there is a fine print *vote to remove unhelpful or hurtful answer* to click on underneath. I wouldn't worry about a few people rating your answer as poor, after all, you can't please everyone, and the whole point of writing advice is about helping, not about the score.

And I hope this helped you!

Posted on 17 November 2009 @ 23:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i think we all have them. I have excellents and poors. Not any average. I think people do not rate the average, only the ones they consider great or very bad. I try to ignore the ratings to a degree. Otherwise they will drive you raving mad. :) mal

Posted on 17 November 2009 @ 23:54 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There is little point in focusing on the ratings... and they are bound to fluctuate... and they will. Believe you us, the more you think of pleasing this faceless, nameless statistic, the more pressurized you will feel.

At the end the business of giving advice and taking advice... they are all aimed at making us feel good inside. I personally, like to carry the feeling that I helped and I was helped, after I log out.

And then there is this fun factor... a cheerless mind can not make others feel good (that is my personal opinion... and by cheer, I mean a fresh mind which is open to ideas and life, really).

Also, it is about the question asker, but it is also about those that post the answers. We are both an integral part in the process of advising.. and that should also count.

There are many instances, where we give fine advices but then, the question asker doesn't want to hear this or the truth. And what do we do when we have racked our brains consulting and cajoling and convincing because we see the truth.. which the asker doesn't see or doesn't want to take the tough steps in order to change the situation. I have known this.. and in that case you will get rated.. well, god knows how... depends upon the person who rates you!

So, let it go. Don't think about the ratings. Advise with integrity and remember to have some fun with it too.

Lots of Love

katyayni

Posted on 18 November 2009 @ 7:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You all seem to have missed the point of what I was asking but thanks anyway.

Posted on 18 November 2009 @ 11:4 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I guess you wanted to know if there is anyway that anyone can tell someone when they have given a bad advice... but then, unless the advice is really offensive and boorish... good or bad simply become a matter of opinion and that way, we all know that opinions vary. It is highly subjective, you know. Depends upon person to person.

Posted on 18 November 2009 @ 14:50 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I was hasty in my previous comment. I didn't take the time to think about everyone's replies. Now I have I can see it was all good advice.

Sorry about that.

I try to take heart about what you all said about not putting much stock into the ratings, and I know it's not about ratings, it's about helping. But how else do you gauge that your answers are helping people or not? My rating is plummeting. I've lost my little heart symbol now. How do I not take that to mean my answers are getting worse and worse?

Posted on 21 November 2009 @ 7:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

My rating was steady at 8.4 for about a month then suddenly it plummeted to 7.4 and has being going between 7.6 to 7.2. I looked through my answers and didnt see much wrong with them, so decided it wasnt a big deal.

When it gets to -7 ill worry.

Posted on 21 November 2009 @ 9:6 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

The ratings do seem to fluctuate, what i don't understand is some people who don't answer as often seem to stay high for some! and don't move at all, yet the ones who are constantly answering are up and down?

I think it is best not to get too bothered about them after all it is out of the goodness of your heart your doing this, and you know how good a person you are that's all that matters.

But yes i agree it can be annoying when you maybe don't know for sure what piece of advice was taken badly?

Posted on 21 November 2009 @ 10:23 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Hello guys!

Well, thenotsogreat, speaking of the rating fluctuation, well, I am relatively new, so I still remember how mine went.

Well, you see, I was shocked that I debuted at the top (with a rating of 9. something) at the chart... high above Drew's Girl, and I was like, no way... that can't be, because I love her advices. (I read the advices of all my fav aunts and uncles regularly). And then, it went down and down and down.

Now, will that make me believe that I give bad advices? No. It doesn't. Why? Well, because I know that I have been honest and sympathetic. I think that people, as in the posters, well, if they have a genuine problem and they want real help, well, I think that in that case, we only point them to the right direction... to tell you the truth, I care for everyone and my heart bleeds when I read of certain issues (like domestic violence, child abuse etc).. but there are plenty of cases in which someone posts merely to have someone to talk to. And, frankly, I think that I am only listening and giving my opinion. I don't take any pleasure or credit or even that twinge of pride or satisfaction in either the advices or the ratings.

What is important to me here is all the friends that I have made and all those that post an update saying that their lives are better now. Who cares whose advice worked, as long as the posters did take one of them and we were part of the process.

And, strong... you will know that you have helped people when you start getting PMs. Some that will thank you and others that will make you go ewwww...LOL.

So, don't worry and get the heart pumping again love!

Posted on 21 November 2009 @ 10:26 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Strontiumdog,

It has been my experience that people are more motivated to take action when they are upset than when they are pleased. Consequently, your rating is more likely to drop than it is to rise.

When your rating drops like mad, in a very short time, it is likely that you were raided by someone. If you have a confrontation with someone, and they are vindictive, they can go down your column and select each and every answer and rate it poor out of spite. Some people will do the same thing if they are ultra competitive about their rating and see you as a threat to their supremacy.

If a person is diametrically opposed to your philosophy (or what they assume your philisophy must be based on your answers in your column) they will also be more motivated to raid you.

I have been raided on several occasions. I know that I was raided because I pay attention to movement in my rating as a measure of when I have affected someone. In the cases where my rating has dropped dramatically in a short period, it has occurred in conjuction with other events that pointed directly to the user that did it.

Since I don't care about my absolute score, only its movement, I just assume that I really got their attention.

If you feel strongly about someone's answer, it is best just to rate their answer and leave it at that.

Posted on 22 November 2009 @ 2:12 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I personally dislike it when aunts criticise each other's advice when answering a question. It has been my experience on some occasions that you may answer a question, another aunt may not think much of your advice, and so they will then make snide comments in their own response, telling the question-asker to "ignore" the previous posters, or only read them if they want to feel better and don't want proper advice, etc.

I suppose I just think that we are all trying to help people on here, and we will all have a different opinion. And that's a GOOD thing! That's the whole point! I also find that people may disagree on the way an answer is delivered. Some aunts may be criticised for being too "soft" or tactful, other's may be criticised for being too "blunt" or straight-forward. Again, I think we each have our own way of answering, our own style if you like, and that is fine. Why should we all be the same? No one way is right or wrong, just different. Someone asking a question may benefit from a direct, point-blank answer. Or maybe they would respond better to a sympathetic approach. We can't always know. So to have a mixture on this site...I think that's a good thing, and I struggle to understand at times why there seems to be a struggle about who is "right" and who is "wrong".

In any case, I think it is up to the original question-asker to decide!

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 15:35 (London time) - permalink
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old-spinstah, posted over a year ago

I'll sometimes "criticise" another aunts advice but I'll always try to do so constructively and usually only if they've totally missed the point by misreading the question or the age/sex/country of the sender.(Something I'm sure we're all guilty of from time to time)

I do get irritated, though, when aunts engage in personal slanging matches rather than giving proper advice - it hardly portrays us as sensible role models! (if that's what we are! Haha)

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 19:1 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

Yeah well q started it....

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 19:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Eyeswide are you stalking Q again??? You are just trying to drag him in so that you can read his witty prose!

You need to get your Q on don't you? Just can't get enough Q! Admit it! Your eye is so tranparent through that tin foil peeping at Q like that!

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 20:17 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

He's always the one that starts it...and what the hell happened to our boys last Saturday????

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 21:28 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

They got bitch-slapped by Penn State! Pissed me off good too. I stopped watching after the 3rd quarter. First half was good, then our D came back to Earth!

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 21:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i HATE that. i have seven children and i promise you i dont put up with that from them...and we are adults. Surely we can do better. :) thats something we can all work on... and it takes two to tango.

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 22:8 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Someone call me?

Sorry, just rolled out of a dumpster and still have a Popsicle stick stuck to my forehead. Any one know how to get the floor of a Taxi Cab taste out of ones mouth?

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 22:25 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i think it was that er "karma thing" you and eyes have going....

Posted on 23 November 2009 @ 22:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

ML,

Do you mean that you hate it when your kids get bitch slapped by Penn State because they lost their D in the 3rd quarter? I'm so confused!

Taxi Cab Floor mouth can only be counteracted by wearing a pine scented car air freshener around your neck and having one of those little gold crowns on your head.

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 4:50 (London time) - permalink
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tux, posted over a year ago

With all due respect, I politely disagree with the advice the previous poster has given. I think it may be dangerous. I would recommend putting your right foot in and put your right out then you put your right foot in and shake it all about... then you do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around.

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 5:47 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

no cw my kids were playing for penn state. That is why yours lost of course.

Tux: you put your head in , you take your head out...THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!!!!

Q: listen to cw and tux...they've obviously been in your shoes...Duce may also have some good advice as well as the guy with the lion king avatar (something 567). im sure they wouldnt direct you wrong. :D

seriously you GUYS dont have a clue do you?

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 7:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

ML,

I thought your kids would be SOONERS!

Besides, you're the one getting the EMT training, isn't there some remedy you can provide for Taxi Cab Floor Mouth - IT WILL BE ON YOUR EMT TEST!

Also, I had a friend at work that was an EMT in her former life. The stories she would tell... All I can say is keep the drugs secure.... Especially from Q!

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 13:18 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

aww CW, those kids are just so messed up. They didnt have a chance. You know that J and i are cousins? Strewth! (UnclePhil taught me that word)Yeppers and so those kids are just messed up. ...I on the other hand am a Sooner! You know...sooner born, sooner bred, and when i die, i'll be sooner dead. Q; the first thing is to cut his clothes off. (my instructor says, "a nekked patient is a happy patient and i want him to be happy) choke him until he stops breathing...then there are only a few things i can legally adminster drug wise, but im thinking if my gal 'eyeswide' will kindly give breaths, i will begin compressions...we will be HEROES!!! (there may be a few that will hope he has a DNR) ...then i will let eyes bathe him whilst i take vitals...and we will go from there. (i need the practice) ;) anyone else volunteer? ROFLMBO!!!

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 14:42 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

Hey ML, you have one of the mouthpiece do-jiggies don't cha?

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 14:51 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

EYES! This is Q...helpless. Just use your mouth darlin' ... (*wink*) what? Diseases? Oh for petes sake....no way. You do the mouth, IM doing compressions...what? Smells like taxi cabs and pine trees? I've discovered the correct rhythm for CPR is Queens 'Another One Bites The Dust' ...CW could you possibly sing that while we work here babe? Eyes, its 30/2. There ya go...

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 15:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Da Da Da Another One Bites The Dust.

And Another One Gone

Another One Bites The Dust.

Hey, Gonna get you too.

Another One Bites The Dust.

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 15:16 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Very good CW! How are you doing up the eyes? Wanna check him for priapism?

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 15:31 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

I want a mouthpiece do-jiggy

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 15:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

oh for crying out loud, im giving you the chance youve been waiting for and all you can do is whine...sheesh!., reach in my pocket and get my pocket valve mask. hurry, he'll be brain damaged...(think anyone will notice?)

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 15:57 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I did the hokey pokey already. How do you think I wound up in the dumpster.

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 16:29 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Great job everyone he's coming around...he speaks!

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 16:46 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

What HAVE we done????

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 16:52 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm a little slow in the up take. I AM from Texas. Is there two ladies debating the best way to get me naked?

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 16:57 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

Awww keep your shirt on and your hopes high Buddy Boy.

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 17:0 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

He's already naked remember? You undressed him when you were reviving him. I sang another one bites the dust!

Q: hows the cab floor mouth - did the treatment work?

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 17:24 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Extremely well there C-Dub. Now every thing tastes like the floor of an assisted living facility.

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 17:31 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Damn glad to hear it! We thought you were a goner!

Eyeswide was so worried.... Her eye was retreating further back into the tin foil!

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 17:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

here, have a mint flavored rolaid, that should help, just pick the lint off...i found it in my pocket. What do ya'll think? Is he drain bamaged?

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 17:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

He was already that way before we revived him. No harm done!

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 17:50 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

Here's how you can tell..Q tell us all just how you make turkey gravy...

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 19:14 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I think you may be right Eyeswide. There have been several posts on questions recently where Q has followed you directly!

Who is stalking who? Hmmmmmmm....

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 19:29 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

Naw I hired him to be my back up

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 19:53 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

EYES! You can quit with the mouth to mouth now. I think he's gonna make it...EYES! ARE YOU CHOKING HIM AGAIN...?!?

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 20:6 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

ejaculating during oral sex into your partners mouth and then we use a "turkey-baster-like" apparatus to transfer the ejaculate deep into the recipients vagina immediately following ejaculation

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 20:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

turkey GRAVY? my bad

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 20:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i kinda wish we hadnt revived him...

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 21:4 (London time) - permalink
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eyeswideopen, posted over a year ago

You know I warn you guys over and over again and do you listen to me??? oh noooooooo

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 21:51 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

*sheepish* it was the hero complex...i just get caught up in the hero thing...

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 22:1 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Damn girl, you got nothin to be sheepish about! I got caught up in your hot EMT outfit and all those orders you were barking out! Woof! Woof!

You could zip it down a little when you're bent over working..... Cleavage can have a dramtatic effect on patient recovery!

Posted on 24 November 2009 @ 22:21 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

*fluttering eyelashes* you DO say the sweetest things...

Posted on 25 November 2009 @ 1:23 (London time) - permalink
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