my dad

I have tried to write this down a couple of times and its hard to put it in words. My dad and I dont get on is the short story. I spoke to him last over a year a go saying that i would consider any further attempt at contacting me harrassment. (yes i know it sounds harsh but you dont know the whole story)any way the last time i tride to make peace with him i gave him my email address (2 years ago) today i got an email from him that wasnt meant for me??? any way how can i get him to get rid of my email adress? please help

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 5:48 (London time) - permalink
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Sorry, you are enduring this problem, Lillaum. He may never just 'give up ' your e-mail address simply because you ask him. But you can try just asking him to 'not' to contact you anymore or...you can "block" all incoming e-mails from him. In your inbox..highlight his email-go to message and click "block sender". Maybe someone else has a better suggestion..that's all I can think of. Good luck

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 8:18 (London time) - permalink
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Change your e-mail, sorry not a lot of time to say more as im late for work but will try and log on later.

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 9:5 (London time) - permalink
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You can do both either block, but then I think you'd be tempted to read or feel guilty that they are there. The best option is to change your email address, you can do this easily on hotmail, I've just recently done it. Just send one email with your new address to all the contacts who you want to have your new address.

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 9:35 (London time) - permalink
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Thanks every one I think I will block his email address. If it still bothers me i will change mine altogether. Thanks again

Posted on 30 March 2006 @ 5:43 (London time) - permalink
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Hi Lillaum, I just had to add, that your posting about your father struck a chord with me. My own birth Mom lives one hour away from me and my family.(her grandchildren) She decided 14 years ago, that I reminded her too much of my Father (whom she hates and I have a strong resemblance to) She has hated him since their divorce in 1966! When she kept dumping her hate on me and kids about my father/the kid's grandfather, I told her to stop. She wouldn't so I basically had to walk away to save my sanity and keep the emotional well-being of my children, in mind. It's been 15 years and she has only contacted me, only to harrass me. I know it's her problem and as ridiculous as her rationale is, it does still hurt but our life has been stress free and much better. My Mother missed out on sooo many wonderful family times. Now that I am a Mother of 3 grown up kids, I find it incomprehensible to even fathom why some parents do this to their kids??? It's like they are 'cutting off their nose to spite their face"

Posted on 30 March 2006 @ 20:41 (London time) - permalink
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typo...that should have been 14 years..not 15 years!

Posted on 30 March 2006 @ 20:43 (London time) - permalink
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Thanks irish. The problem I have had when I speak to people about my dad is that they think I am being unfair, which then makes me think maybe its my fault. Then i line myself up for more agro by contacting him. A lot of people cant understand how or why a parent would be like that. But then like you said its their loss right? The thing is now, my eldest sister (28) thinks his behaviour is normal (when mum & dad divorced Iwent with mum & she went with dad 300 miles away). Now my sister lives back with mum and is only 4 miles away from my boyfriend and I her behaviour is so distant and untrusting. i guess it is just learned behaviour, you know like survival instincts. How can I show her that dad is wrong?

Posted on 11 April 2006 @ 2:10 (London time) - permalink
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When reading these posts it really brought back memories of my own childhood. My father was a chronic alchoholic,not violent or agressive in anyway, in fact qutie the opposite.For some reason he always made me feel sorry for him, and was very needy. I never wanted for anything materialistically but grew up without the security of having a father I could rely on, I always wondered why he could not give up drink even for me. (I was his only child) My mother divorced him when I was 9, but I remained in contact with him, still loved him as my father, but had little respect for him. My mother died when I was 19, and my father begged me to let him come to the funeral, she had been the love of his life, second to drink of course. It turned out to be the worst decision of my life, he was so drunk he completly embarrased me. From that day on I told him I never wanted to see or have contact with him again, and I didn't. I went on to get married and have children of my own and so many people said I should let my father into my life again, my husband being the main one, but I wouldn't change my mind, my feeling was you have to somehow be a father of sorts to be a grandfather, he never gave up drink and I didn't want my kids growing up and seeing what I did as a child. He died 3 years ago, of drink related liver problems, and I was made to feel guilty once again about depriving him in his later years of being a grandfather. It was a hard thing for me to do and even now I wonder if I was right, but its too late now. I also wonder being the mother of four how my father managed to pass so much guilt on to me, for wanting nothing more than a normal relationship with him which didn't involve drinking, I suppose at the time it was easier to deal with the grief of losing both parents even though one of them was still living, maybe it was self preservation, I don't know, but from the day I buried my mother, I may as well have buried my father too. The day I was told he'd died, I felt quite strange, I'd done by grieving already for him. I'm at peace with myself now, I'm just very sad my children don't know either of my parents. Life can be so cruel sometimes!

Posted on 11 April 2006 @ 17:6 (London time) - permalink
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Aunt Audrey and Lillaum..I am sorry for what happened in your lives with your fathers who were broken people. Indeed, life can be cruel but when it comes to wounded parents, we have little choices-the happiness of our families, our own emotional well being and that of our kids, take priority. Lots of people are on the outside looking in and judging our choice to break away from a parent like this. I too, have been under harsh criticism for my choice. My husband could never understand why I did what I did. My Mother was sly...she was always on her best behaviour when he was around. But if he had seen the fearful look on the faces of his children when Grandma went on one of her toxic tirades, he may have seen the light! He never believed me or understood. (Which said a lot about him and is probably why he's an ex-husband now ha! droll humor there) What so many people fail to understand, the choice to live our life without a broken parent is a heartbreaking, painful choice. It comes after a long, drawn out time of putting up with a ton of crap. My choice to leave my Mother, came about when I had to finally place the responsibility of her own toxic feelings of hatred and anger where it belongs, with her. I refused to carry that burden for her. She got royally pissed off and to this day, will not speak to me. As sad as this seems, it certainly allowed me to feel less guilt and shame and more nurturance and acceptance toward myself. I like where I am now...everyone in my family, mainly my kids are much happier!

Posted on 12 April 2006 @ 5:31 (London time) - permalink
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I am much happier not having contact with my father. I feel much better about myself than I ever had. I feel much more in control of my emotions and dont feel any guilt for walking away. The only time I ever have troubles is when (like today) my dad puts my very guilt ridden sister in the middle. My dad is also sly as you put it Irish, and he manipulates my sister without her seeing it. She even defends his behaviour. He has said he wants to meet up with her soon and has set a date. He has told my sister to tell me I am allowed to join them for a meal. I obviously have not agreed to this, but it always saddens my poor sister. So you see he tries to get into my head using my sister. (yes I know it may seem paranoid)

Posted on 12 April 2006 @ 6:22 (London time) - permalink
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