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Dear Cupid > Forums > Engaged > Resentment!!

Resentment!!

willywombat, posted over a year ago

Hi there.

You all know me from the site, but I have a dilemma I would like to share and ask your opinion on.

My hubby is middle of three children with a strangely disfunctional mother. Ma-in-law is not my biggest fan because, quite frankly, I don't put up with her drama queen moments and am blunt. She on the other hand festers, takes offence when there is none to be taken and sees hidden agendas were there are none to be seen - get my drift?

Anyhow, we went abroad to get married because I couldn't put up with her behaviour over our wedding (which p*sses me off 'cos my Dad died shortly after and never got to see me get married - but hey-ho) We had asked both sets of parents to help a little with a big family party when we got back. My Mum and Dad helped his mother refused - and has since admitted it was because she didn't like me. She has never been one for trying to get on with people and despite me trying to get the family to like me for 6 years it never really happened. Anyway less than a year later his sister gets married and they throw £8-10 grand at her wedding and pay for there honeymoon, we are still waiting for a wedding present.

I resent this. Obviously there is sooooo much more that has happened as well in the past 8 eyars but too much to write here.

My question is, how do I let the resentment go? When will I get over her treating my husband like this and by default me?

help........

Posted on 27 April 2006 @ 11:21 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

willywombat

This is a common problem in most familys I don't have the answer but I think mothers treat sons & daughter differntly expecially when they get married this problem can even run onto grankids if you know what I mean your resentment is not for the way she treats you but the way she treated your husband and probebly if you didn't mention it your husband would not even notice as he has another woman in his life You hope this help awit your reply with humour lol

Posted on 27 April 2006 @ 14:51 (London time) - permalink
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willywombat, posted over a year ago

I can laugh at the situation, but sometimes it is beyond me. I mean she spent enough time trying to break us up (she used to drive past my house when hubby away and then phone him to report any cars outside for example). She actually offered a couple of hundred quid towards the party but then withdrew the offer the day before (I meant to say this before) because she had a *tax bill*. She is not short of money.

But it isnt just the money thing....you are right. It is the way she can treat her kids so differently AND NOT SEE IT/DENIES IT!!!! It burns me 'cos it is so unfair!! Hubby can brush it off now cos he says she has always been this way and he is used to it form being a kid. But I know he does hurt cos if he has a drink he lets his guard down a little.......

Posted on 27 April 2006 @ 18:44 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

yes well it all comes out when we have a drink or in a womans case a moan you are not alone anyway who cares it she likes you He likes You she prob thought your marrige would fail miserably so that's why she didn't invest in it lol

Posted on 27 April 2006 @ 21:55 (London time) - permalink
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willywombat, posted over a year ago

Well the be-atch cannot make her own marriages work....lol, she is on number two and that is on the rocks.

Sorry how nasty am I being!!!

Posted on 27 April 2006 @ 23:4 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

what's this topic resentments well you go girl lol

Posted on 27 April 2006 @ 23:5 (London time) - permalink
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Sexybum, posted over a year ago

Cor blimey, I think it was good idea to get married abroad, I dread the day that someone will ask me to marry them, because I just don't know how to get all the family peacefully into the same place. She is unreliable that is what she is, your mother in law!!!

Posted on 28 April 2006 @ 16:45 (London time) - permalink
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Sexybum, posted over a year ago

Maybe it doesn't bother your husband because its probably always been like that! Let her be on with her wickid way,

everybodies partners have small intimate tings that bother them and get them down, its their lovers that see these things because they are so close, all you can do is be understanding for him, you see sometimes these things are just there and there is nothing you can do to take the them away no matter how much you REALLY want to, just comfort........

Posted on 28 April 2006 @ 16:49 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

Well they say the number two cause of conflict in a relationship is in-laws/family (number one being money). I am lucky to generally get on with my mother in law but it is really hard when you just can't get along with your loves ones family.

I have real issues with my husband's brother, who is an alcoholic and a thief. Before we were married he even accused me of stealing from their mother... it turned out he was the one stealing! He is always approaching my husband for money, and most of the time he gives it to him, which pisses me off, but when it is his family what can you do?

Don't you just wish there was a magic 'get rid of family' button you could press sometimes?

Posted on 28 April 2006 @ 18:1 (London time) - permalink
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willywombat, posted over a year ago

Not all of them just the *witch* ma-in-law and the big nosed sister in law (arrrrggggghhhhh)

Posted on 29 April 2006 @ 15:52 (London time) - permalink
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Aunt Audrey, posted over a year ago

Mother in-law......sounds like she should be against the law willywombat! ;)

Posted on 29 April 2006 @ 16:42 (London time) - permalink
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willywombat, posted over a year ago

More problems about the ma-in-law that I need advice with. Actually I just need to spout off 'cos I am sooooo p*ssed off. Hubby has older brother as well and he also got married last year (but no admissions of ma-in-law contributing there, because we had had the row and she obviously wasn't going to let US know!!) Anyhow, cos of aforesaid row we were not invited to brothers wedding and we have since been told that the with ma in law paid for them to have IVF.

Why does she treat my hubby so badly. I feel soooo guilty cos it is as if I have come along and she cannot help but be awful to him as a way of getting at me!!

Anyway I am upset today as last night the babies where born and we weren't told til just now (they live 100 miles away) as she is on her way there. But she doesn't think to say what sex they are. what they are called, anything. God, I know I am over reacting but I have been trying for another child for two years and I just need to get it out of my system. I am soooo jealous!!

I dont even know what I am complaining about!!

Posted on 3 May 2006 @ 13:40 (London time) - permalink
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willywombat, posted over a year ago

Why does she treat my hubby so badly. I feel soooo guilty cos it is as if I have come along and she cannot help but be awful to him as a way of getting at me!!

I dont even know what I am complaining about!!

Posted on 3 May 2006 @ 13:40 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

ok willy calm down first of all you or your hubby call his brother ASAP congrat them on births and ask all the question you want cause this is mums way of pushing toy both out the pic where as this is your hubby's brother and even if they have had difficulties your man should do the right thing & tlk to his brother i know this is upsetting for YOU but it is NOT your fault they are punishing your man because of you but tell him don't let them do this.Best of luck with your own baby plans take care

Posted on 3 May 2006 @ 14:18 (London time) - permalink
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willywombat, posted over a year ago

I am just a jealous old cow....lol

card in post winging it's way to them as we speak!!

Posted on 3 May 2006 @ 14:54 (London time) - permalink
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snowbird, posted over a year ago

No, it's not you, your'e just looking out for your man, the one you love - Don't let anything get in the way of that!

My ex-husband was an only child and I had a problem with my m-i-l suffocating us and controlling our marriage; so much so that she even drove a wedge between both of our sons (the 1st one being the apple of her eye)! She did it in such a way that made you seem like a churlish bitch, buying loads of expensive household items - for her precious son, not me -although that is what she tried to convince us - and muscling in doing housework, and ironing - and YES, I can hear you all saying "your problem IS???"!! But it was only to make me look bad and make my ex say I was not a good enough housewife...(as if HE ever laid a hand to anything)...those were the jobs I was deliberately leaving for HIM; I did more than my fair share! ooooo, get me started!!! Nope, you don't have to tell me, I know how destructive they can be - at least she is not ruining your relationship with your man...there,now it does make you feel better to let off a bit of steam now, doesen't it??! Very best of luck to you, chicky - and NO you are not a jealous cow!!

Posted on 27 June 2006 @ 8:33 (London time) - permalink
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Wendyg, posted over a year ago

I just think its parents in general! My partner is the middle child of 3 boys. He has never really been that close to his parents as he is pretty independant. But both his parents are wierd, they are divorced anyway. They throw money at the youngest and he always gets what he wants, he lives at home still and mummy looks after him! But when my partner was at home his mum couldnt care less! His dad chucks money at the youngest two for whatever reason he needs it, and also the oldest son gets treated favourably. My partner doesnt seem to get any support from them either financially or otherwise and sometimes when i see how they are with the other two its bloody annoying! To be quite honest my partner is the strongest and fairest of the lot of em, and is very kind and considerate, but its gotta be hard to not get support from either side. It took the mick one christmas, and i was actually quite hurt for my man, we had gone to his mums, for christmas day, she had brought the youngest who then was 26, clothes, aftershave, games, c'ds, and a whole host of other things, when all she gave my man was a travel mug!!! oh yeah the youngest got that too!! How bad is that, hes had to sit there while his bro gets all these goodies and opens them and he gets a bloody mug! Its also his birthday on Boxing day and all she could manage to get him was a massaging back rest thing, that the younger brother had also got for christmas. I cant believe that some people can be like that and its gotta hurt!! But my partner doesnt let it bother him, but i cant stand it, its so unfair!!

My parents have always treated me and the sis completely equal, even now we have grown up moved away, they still will only get something for one if the other is treated the same. Find it so calous how some peoples feelings are towards their children, its not right and i dont like to see it!

Posted on 27 June 2006 @ 11:33 (London time) - permalink
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