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Dear Cupid > Forums > Couples > When an agony aunt needs advice...

When an agony aunt needs advice...

PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

I know I should post on the main site not here, but it's funny how you feel like you know people, even though all you do is read each others comments...

Anyway, I've been having a real doozy of a problem and I'm not sure if there is any advice to give, but I felt the need to share with someone, so here it is.

I have had a crush on one of my husband's best friend (let's call him R) for ages. When I say ages, I mean since I was about 13 and he used to ride his motorbike past my house. Of course soon after I started dating my husband I met R again and of course he was even better looking! The problem is, early on, when my hubby and I were in our beginning relationship we broke up for a while, and I ended up sleeping with R. Since everything turned out fine with hubby and me R and I have just avoided being around each other as much as possible, which is difficult since we have a small cirlce of friends.

The reason it has come to a head now is that my husband has just contracted R to do some construction work on our house, which means that he is around, all day, every day, while my husband is out, and it is driving me absolutely crazy.

I think he is doing it on purpose. He comes up to the porch outside the kitchen and strips of his shirt to cool off, and asks for a glass of water. I blush bright red every time I see him and he knows it. He truly is magnificent, he looks like a gypsy, dark tanned skin, black curly hair, the most intense green eyes ever, and a body to die for. I know he is flirting with me and I am ending up responding which is soo dangerous because it would just be so easy for soemthing to happen between us now.

I really do love my husband, but am being sorely sorely tempted here, everytime he looks at me I can remember what he feels like, tastes like...aaarrghh! Someone give me some backbone!

Posted on 19 April 2006 @ 19:39 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Well, what can u do? Avoid your own house, while your hubby toils away at work? There's something hot and yummy right there, that you want to jump and ride on, I'm sure. I mean, I should be angry that you would want to do that, but I'm not (strangely). Hmm... What to do...?

What a dilemma eh? Sex with the hot guy or go massively nuts throughout the day and wait until hubby comes home so you can relieve your sexual tension?

Well as Shania mentioned to me, it's not human nature to be stuck with one person sexually throughout life - the basics of it, without getting into depths. It's possible to MADLY DEEPLY WONDEFULLY love your hubby, but it is also highly possible to want to have sex and even share that love with another person.

The more moral people would like to believe that life can exist with only one other person in our lives, and it can, history has shown us. However, even in your own mind, you can see yourself kissing and making love to another man (or woman). Is this mere fantasy of the moment, or this is something more eternal and unforgiving?

Indeed, we try to muster our own internal will power and stick with our own principles, ethics, morals, but in the end, who really looks into those principles, ethics, and morals? To be shunned by others, or to follow your libido, heart, and a mixture of everything else is a 'sin' in most societies.

So what can you do? What do you want to do? AND, what are the consequences there-after?

Principles, ethics, morals are for those who are super stubborn and unwilling to change for the concept of utopia - even if you're a flexible hobbyist, sportsman/sportswoman, and sexual monster. So what can you do? What are your choices? You know your demons inside. Will you allow them to conquer your horniness, or will you put them on a leash and become their master?

Posted on 19 April 2006 @ 20:14 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

Martini you are a bad, bad, naughty, person! I really do NOT need any kind of encouragement now thank you very much!

Having said that I went and looked out of the bedroom window a few minutes ago and caught site of him working with his shirt off. He has one of those big tribal tattoos across his shoulders and down his back. I was studying it when he turned around and looked right up at the window! I could have died! My face is still bright red and I am sure he is going to come up in a while for a drink... it is almost packing up time!

Posted on 19 April 2006 @ 20:33 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Oops, that was meant to be an objective point of view rather than a bad kitty perspective. Well what would you like me to do - scold you?

Bad Prunella! Bad bad BAD naughty! Go lock yourself in the cupboard until your hubby comes home! AND NO, you may NOT masturbate in there thinking of that tatooed man!

[sigh]

Posted on 19 April 2006 @ 21:34 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

Actually you were being objective... I was just expecting to come back to the site to find rampant condemnations for ever thinking about a man other than my husband.

Oh well... here I am... sitting in my cupboard until my husband gets home... can't make any promises about the other part though ;)

Posted on 19 April 2006 @ 22:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Resist, Prunella...do not go to the 'dark side'! lol. Sorry, just teasing. Enjoy the sights but remember that old saying 'look but don't touch', hun. Good luck.

Posted on 19 April 2006 @ 22:34 (London time) - permalink
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willywombat, posted over a year ago

As my friend says, you can look at the menu but you don't have to order off it.....or something like that?!?!

Posted on 19 April 2006 @ 22:49 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

[grins] You know this reminds me of those Japanese sushi houses in Japan with a naked woman lying on a table with sushi placed strategically on her body's front side. I wonder if there are any male versions of that... Hmmm, I keep thinking of yakuza with body tattoos for some reason... Hmmm...

Posted on 19 April 2006 @ 22:55 (London time) - permalink
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Softie, posted over a year ago

Oh wow i have never seen that, martini. But I have seen the male version of that. It's that Absolute Vodka Advertisement witht he Calvin Klein model naked but with a bottle of vodka in front of the body part of interest. lol.

Keep yourself busy, hon. Busy busy busy. Clean clean clean! lol

Posted on 20 April 2006 @ 1:52 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

Great, now you have me thinking of him naked with a bottle of vodka... two of my favourite things together...how could I resist that?!?!

On a more serious note, he did come up for a chat yesterday afternoon, after he sent the workers home. We sat and had a beer on the balcony and talked about the work he is doing for us ( he is building me a studio for my painting and craftwork). Then the topic of conversation went on to his divorce, (which has just come through) and how he and his wife didn't have sex for literally years. (Note me blushing again at this point). THEN he asks me if I ever told my husband about our little fling! I haven't of course, and I never will, in fact I haven't even spoken about it with anyone, including R. He started telling me how 'if things had been different....what might have happened etc etc' and all the time those sexy green eyes feel like they are piercing me to the bone.

I had to mumble some kind of excuse about getting dinner ready to get away, but I really didn't want to. Now he has got me constantly thinking about that night ages ago (and can I just say the sex WAS mindblowing...not asomething you can usually say about a one night stand). He's not here today (thank God) but he still has plenty more work to do so he will be back. Aaarghh!

Oh and yes, I have been cleaning and cleaning, the house looks like a department store showroom but it's not working, I'm still thinking!

Posted on 21 April 2006 @ 19:33 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

Yazuka, thats those Japanes gang members right? Yeah I could eat sushi of a nice fit tattoed yazuka... have to be nice and clean shaven though... nothing worse than hair in your nigiri!

Posted on 21 April 2006 @ 19:56 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You know, if I knew you in person, that we've met and hung out, you know what I would do as your confidant? Is probably continously tease you and 'entice' you on your naughty thoughts of that tattooed guy. Mind you of course, I will also try to deter your mind at the same time. So contradicting I am, I agree, yes.

Seriously though, I think what you should do is try to have a lot of sex with your husband - every night AND morning if you can. Then paint or create artwork all day long. Hmmm... Call up your hubby at work and leave him a rather naughty message every day. Hmmm... Damn, I can't get that pubic hair in nigiri image out of my head!

[sigh]

Posted on 21 April 2006 @ 21:43 (London time) - permalink
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Softie, posted over a year ago

Ewwww.... ... Sushi is out for this weekend! Yuck yuck yuck!

Maybe you should try what they suggested on Friends. Think of something not sexy and unappetizing. LOL For example: Baseball, Hairy toes, Man boobs?

Posted on 21 April 2006 @ 23:50 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

Yeah the hairy sushi kinda put me off a bit too (ick)!

As for the artwork, have stopped that completely since the last painting I started began turning into an abstract male nude with tattoos...oops! Can you tell this is really getting to me?

Posted on 22 April 2006 @ 0:26 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Soooo....... How is Ms. Prunella doing with her 'woes'... 8]

Posted on 23 April 2006 @ 4:7 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

Got a reprieve over the weekend, he was busy elsewhere and I didn't see him at all, he will be back in the morning though so will keep you posted.

Posted on 24 April 2006 @ 0:40 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. This agony aunt has a confession to make....

I kissed you know who outside our local on Sunday evening! And it was bad bad bad bad. (not the kiss, the kiss was great, but still BAD)

Now of course I am ridden with guilt all over again, it is absolutely no excuse that we both had too much to drink, or that I am beginning to think that he has planned this whole thing, that he took the job just so he could be around me alone.

He just arrived with his work crew, and he gave me a 'we need to talk' kinda look. I swear I am going to tell him today that this is going too far and he needs to stay away. This has definitely gone to far for comfort now, there is no way I want to jeopardise my marriage for this. Wish me luck people!

Posted on 25 April 2006 @ 15:3 (London time) - permalink
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Dazzerg, posted over a year ago

Good luck Prunella (f)

Posted on 25 April 2006 @ 15:5 (London time) - permalink
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Sweetie Pie, posted over a year ago

diddo

Posted on 25 April 2006 @ 20:31 (London time) - permalink
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eddie, posted over a year ago

It's too bad it got to that point. You saw it coming too. What made you let it happen? It's not worth it.

Posted on 26 April 2006 @ 13:4 (London time) - permalink
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PrunellaGringepith, posted over a year ago

I know, you are absolutely right, it is not worth it. To be quite honest, I think things have been on a bit of a downswing at home just recently. Our business has just had a really poor season, and my husband has been under a lot of stress trying to find a way to keep everything afloat till next season. He has been pre-occupied, not sleeping well, and it has really affected our lovelife.

I guess I have just been feeling a bit neglected and my defences were low.

However, I had a talk with R and he agreed to stay away and not try to come onto me again. He is sending his foreman to do the work here instead of coming himself. And yes I have realised I was being selfish and have been making more of an effort to support my husband. I just found a great deal on a weekend package at a local hotel, so am surprising him with a little getaway this weekend to get his mind off things.

Posted on 26 April 2006 @ 13:45 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

++I just found a great deal on a weekend package at a local hotel, so am surprising him with a little getaway this weekend to get his mind off things.++

Excellent! 8]

Posted on 26 April 2006 @ 19:52 (London time) - permalink
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