A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been having relationship problems for the past 15 months. It all started with me going away on a hen weekend. Upon my return i told my partner who i live with that i would like to take our relationship to the next level. His response was not what i expected!!! Since being back from the weekend he had been acting very strange a few days later i confronted him about two girls he added on facebook and explained that i did not know that you knew them as one of them i knew. He got defensive and said he doesn't think he loves me anymore. This broke my heart, i couldnt believe it. After a few days he came back and said he didn't mean it and that he loves me. So we agreed that we would work things out and make ago of it. Well instead he started going out with his friends all the time brought a MX bike and started crossing every weekend. On drunken nights out he would start agruements and then lock me out so i would have to walk to my sister's in a drunken state in early hours of the morning. Pyshically kick me out of bed and call me names when he was drunk. We never go anywhere or do anything nice. I booked for us to go to Disney to spend some time together he moaned that he ws cold and wet for the first day there and all he wants to do is go back to the room. We went to tenerife with friends and that was a mess and he was just interested in getting drunk and messing around with his mate. Loads of things have happened but yet i still can't leave him. I don't know what to do i just can't seem to make the break.Any suggestions.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 if you can't leave him then like Cerberus said.. you have to accept it.
it is what it is
he is mistreating you
he does not love you
he's too lazy to leave and is treating you the way he is to get you do to it for him
so make it so.
if you don't want to leave then you have no choice but to accept it the way it is and not complain.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): "Loads of things have happened but yet i still can't leave him." Then just shut up about it and put up with it like you have been doing because that break you think you magically pull of out a hat is never going to happen.
Sorry for being harsh OP but I see no point in powdering your bottom when his treatment of you has gone beyond what is acceptable and you still "can't leave". Well if you can't leave and leaving is really the only option you have left then you have no right to complain. You see I don't feel one bit sorry for abuse victims like you (yes, name calling and physically throwing you out of bed, humiliating you and forcing you to walk the streets late at night drunk is abuse). I don't feel sympathy because it's your choice to stay, no ones forcing you to stay so you let him abuse you.
There is *nothing* you can do to change this. You're his doormat and he'll always walk all over you because he can. You're all talk and no action.
He treats you like shit, then cries like a little baby and you cave in. I mean come on, who the hell puts up with that? What kind of twisted little shit plays those kind of warped mind games and what kind of woman would let herself be treated that way? Google mean/sweet cycle there and educate yourself, in fact just read this:
http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
These are questions you must ask yourself OP because the way he treats you when he's drunk is abuse. Forcing you to walk to your sisters house alone, drunk late at night? Are you kidding me? If a guy was to put my sister in that kind of danger even once I'd kick the door in, drag him out of bed and "quiet word" in his ear.
"Any suggestions." Nope, no suggestions OP. You can't leave him and you can't "fix" him, so that's that really. You've said you can't do the only thing that will solve this situation for you and there are no other options here, so no suggestions.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (29 December 2011):
This hot n cold stuff is never good. Don't fall for the "I don't know if I love you, but oh wait, maybe I do," bullshit. If the question is going through his mind then his focus is not on you and his change in attitude only confirms this. He's likely being so mean to you in order to piss you off enough to leave him.
And the kicker is, when you finally threaten to leave him, he'll most likely take it all back and tell you everything you want to hear. Trust me, he's not in a good place right now and you're probably better off taking a break. I'd start by having a very deep conversation with him about his actions lately, and if he doesn't want to comply or listen, he's beyond hope and obviously you two need some time for yourselves.
Sorry to be blunt, but if he isn't treating you right, you need to tell him to fix it fast or simply leave. I know its not as easy as I'm making it sound, but from an outsider's perspective, its a better move than knuckling under his emotional abuse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Imagine if one of your friends was being treated like this by her boyfriend...I bet you would tell her to dump him fast..I bet your friends and family tell you too.
He isn't going to change, the relationship has run it's course and it's time to let go.
In time the relief you feel at not having to cope with this immature man will far out weigh any regrets. You deserve to be treated with respect, everyone does. Take a deep breath, tell him it's over and walk away.
New year, new start
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 December 2011):
 I hope that, someday, somewhere, someone will post a list of the "levels" of relationships.....
Thanx in advance to whoever will help enlighten me...
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