Like what
he writes?
... Add *aletom to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *aletom a private message | | | *aletom's profile:Does anybody ever read these things? Send mail if you do!
What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
|
Why do I get a tingly feeling all over my body just before I have an orgasm?
Q. Ok im a guy and wen i masturbate right as as im about to have an orgasm i get this tingly feeling all over my body.....why is that...is it good or bad..........
A. 3 August 2010: Probably the usual orgasm response. We're discovering that orgasm is a very complicated thing in both men and women, involving quite a few hormones, proteins, pheremones, and other bits of alchemy that happen in a particular pattern and a ... (read in full...)
Do I respond to an email from a 14 year old when I'm 30?
Q. I got to work this morning to find an email that I don't know what to do with, so I'm looking for some help here. It's from a girl who I'm pretty sure has a crush on me. I'll give you a little backstory. I work for a local bank. I used to manag...
A. 3 August 2010: You ARE intelligent enough, and mature enough, to NOT get sexually involved with an extremely underaged child, aren't you?
If this is the email address listed on your business card, then treat it as a business contact.
Thank her for looking ... (read in full...)
Is there a 'best' time around my cycle to lose my virginity?
Q. first time doing sex. i'm just curious and when is the best time to have sex before or after my period?...
A. 1 August 2010: "Best" in what sense?
You are least fertile during your period, and the chances of pregnancy increase the farther you are from your period, either before or after. At your age it's common for women's periods to be uncertain enough that you can'... (read in full...)
Sensitive subject and at a loss...
Q. I have a 5 year old who will be 6 in August and I recently noticed when putting her to bed that her hands smelt like they were near her "Daisy" or vagina. I asked her aboút it and she became stiff, so I told her that IF she was going to do that she ...
A. 1 August 2010: Yeah, the vast majority of parents have a tough time talking to their kids about sexual topics. It's particularly tough when the message you want to send, even though you truly believe it, is different from what you did, or were taught as a kid.
... (read in full...)
Why do guys like performing oral sex?
Q. Hey Everyone, I'm 19 and a sophomore in college as well as my boyfriend. We have done everything we could think of besides sex which is something we are wanting to do very badly every we see each other. I seriously feel like everytime that f...
A. 30 July 2010: "Illithid" said it best! It's awesome to know she's experiencing fabulous pleasure. I love to have her thighs pressed against my face when she climaxes, so I can feel the contractions. Yeah, I have sometimes had a headache after it was over. (I ... (read in full...)
He says he can't love before sex!
Q. My boyfriend has this thing, where he feels like he can not love me until we have had sex. He says, that it's not like he doesn't want to he just can't, and he thinks it's the only thing holding him back. I want to know if any one else feels this ...
A. 30 July 2010: Having sex with him will almost certainly NOT get him to love you. More likely, he'll say say something like, "Well, we had sex and it was good but it was just sex. Guess I'm still looking for a girl I can love.".... (read in full...)
When I lose my virginity to my boyfriend I don't just want to lay there and not know what to do! Can anyone help?
Q. Hi, i've been with my boyfriend for a while and we havent had sex he knows im a virgin but he doesnt rush anything because he is a gentlemen and he's not a virgin. but when we do have sex i want him 2 have a lot of pleasure and i dont just wan...
A. 30 July 2010: If he is mentally and emotionally connected to you when it happens, he WILL have a LOT of pleasure regardless of what you do. If he is expecting you to know all the little details of how to bring him sexual pleasure there is no way you can measure ... (read in full...)
How often does a healthy couple have sex?
Q. My boyfriend says we need to have more sex, and I thought we had sex a lot (about 4- 6 times a week). I just wanted to know how often do other couples (do you) have sex? And how long have you guys been together? Did you have more when you started ...
A. 28 July 2010: What ** I ** did, or the frequency that ANYBODY else found satisfying, isn't a yardstick to measure what YOU do! Many couples include it as a loving part of nearly every day, and others do it as something special less often
My wife & I waited u... (read in full...)
Is home schooling your child free?
Q. i want to home school my child for 8th grade this year at colorado vitual academy it says its free but i want to know if it true if anyone has a child going there tell me if its free or not please and thank u... ...
A. 25 July 2010: Thanks for the kind words, "Ask oldersister".
I had similar thoughts. One useful function of some homeschool parents' groups is helping parents evaluate their own abilities to teach particular subjects. In some cases, the parents become primaril... (read in full...)
He cums too quickly, I think...
Q. Ok, so i've been hanging out with this guy (we're both 22yrs old) and i'm still a "technical" virgin... Ive given a blow job before but only 2x previously, and that was back when i was 18 anyways my question is, i only jerked him off, and he came...
A. 25 July 2010: Sounds fairly typical. In fact, 5 to 10 minutes is probably longer than most guys his age can manage. It is common for guys in their teens and 20's to climax fairly quickly - often sooner than their partners desire. Believe it or not, many guys ... (read in full...)
Will sex hurt as much as using a tampon?
Q. i'm a 14 year old girl. i have a boyfriend, we've been dating for a long time. we're starting to talk about sex. i'm a virgin, he isn't tho. my ex and i dated for 2 years, but i never wanted to have sex, but we attempted oral, but he wasn't into it. ...
A. 23 July 2010: If you are as uncertain, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. You may have hormones but you also have a mind and emotions and it doesn't sound like either of them are ready for sex. The ... (read in full...)
14 and thinking about losing my virginity, can anybody tell me about their first time?
Q. i started dating this wonderful guy in April of this year. we're pretty young and all but we love each other. he swears he loves me more and i believe he loves me :] he turned 15 last month and i turned 14 5 months ago. we were dating on his ...
A. 23 July 2010: If you are as uncertain, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. You may have hormones but you also have a mind and emotions and it doesn't sound like either of them are ready for sex. ... (read in full...)
Does sex really hurt?
Q. i'm 14, i have a boyfriend only a year older. he's not like any other guy when he's with me, he's the badass' kid but with me he shows emotion. we've been dating almost 4 months. he gives me advice, and really great advice at at that. he helps me...
A. 23 July 2010: If you are as uncertain, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are not ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake.
For the record, most women re... (read in full...)
I feel like I will never be ready for sex.
Q. Lately I'm afraid that I will never be ready for sex. I am 17 going on 18. My guy has never pressured me and always lets me set the pace of whatever we're doing, but I know he wants to have sex. So do I - I'm very attracted to him and he turns me on ...
A. 23 July 2010: "SamanthaX" gave some good advice.
There are mental and emotional aspects of sex, as well as the physical aspects of being attracted and turned-on. Your heart and your mind are telling you they aren't quite as ready as your body. Listen to them ... (read in full...)
Is home schooling your child free?
Q. i want to home school my child for 8th grade this year at colorado vitual academy it says its free but i want to know if it true if anyone has a child going there tell me if its free or not please and thank u... ...
A. 23 July 2010: We home-schooled our kids in the early elementary grades.
Start by contacting a home-school parents' group such as one listed at http://www.home-school.com/groups/CO.html . Many of these are affiliated with particular religious groups. ... (read in full...)
Is oral sex something that most couples actively and regularly practice?
Q. Hello all. I'm a 24 year old male, about half a year into my first real (and sexual) relationship with a girl that I love. My question is about oral sex. We have never done that in our sex life - we have stuck to regular penetrative intercour...
A. 22 July 2010: My wife and I enjoyed oral sex (to climax) with each other fairly often before we started having intercourse. Since becoming married, our typical lovemaking usually includes cunnilingus (oral sex on her) to climax. She does fellatio (oral sex on ... (read in full...)
Would I be accepted in an america college with just my gcse's?
Q. hello everybody i turned 17 a few months ago and when i left school i made the mistake of not following on my education but i am interested in applying for some courses at my local college but unfortunately it looks like i may not be acc...
A. 21 July 2010: Yes, definitely contact schools offering courses of study (they will probably refer to them as "majors", or "academic concentrations") that interest you. If you are uncertain, they can even help you decide on a field to start in. (Many - maybe even ... (read in full...)
Why was he suddenly in a hurry when I rubbed it?
Q. so the other day it was the first time i touched my mans penis and i was surprised i wasnt scared at all. nothing like i thought it was going to be. but after a while of me touching it and rubbing it he moved my hand and sat up quickly and like ...
A. 21 July 2010: Possibly he suddenly felt guilty or ashamed of what you two were doing . . . but it's more likely that he was suddenly aware of an imminent orgasm, or he suppressed an orgasm.
Why? Both guys and girls are socially conditioned to think of orgasm a... (read in full...)
Did I sound like a pervert for asking?
Q. Hey Agony Aunts/Uncles... I feel like I've lost some innocence in myself. I was making out with my gf the other day and I started to tickle her chest. I got the signal that I was crossing the line. So I stopped and we continued to make out. A day ...
A. 20 July 2010: I think you acted honorably and reasonably. And you get extra points for respecting her wishes.
"Mirroring" is a common technique in lovemaking. Basically, you show your partner what you'd like him/her to do to you, by doing that to him/her.... (read in full...)
Ladies, orgasms during sex?....
Q. Questions for ladies who have had orgasms during sex....does it intensify your orgasm sensation to have the guy coninue to move during the contractions? what is most intense fast or slow thrusting?...
A. 20 July 2010: In my experience the lady communicates her desires about this, and her partner learns to read her cues.
It varies from time to time, but my lady most often likes to have the head just inside her when she climaxes and she supplies all the move... (read in full...)
How can I stop my period cramps? They are becoming unbearable!
Q. So heres the deal. My past few periods I've been getting very painful INTENSE cramps and I mean INTENSE. I'll have to miss softball/volleyball games, practices just because of my cramps. They've gotten so painful, I've actually cried a couple times ...
A. 20 July 2010: Some women report that cramps are less if they have a good orgasm just as their period starts.... (read in full...)
Why did he ask me if I'm a virgin?
Q. Okay, so I really need help trying to figure something out. Me and this guy have been talking/flirting for a couple weeks and we've just been getting to know each other. We were talking just recently and he asked if he could ask me a personal ...
A. 20 July 2010: He could be thinking,
"Wow! A virgin! I've never been with one - I wonder what it feels like? It'll be a real accomplishment to make her give it up. How much will it take to do her?"
He could be thinking,
"Still a virgin? She's probably a... (read in full...)
Falling in Love
Q. I met this guy on April while working I never did talk to him but during that month I decided to add him on FB and from there we hit it off so fast next thing you know we were texting everyday till the next month we decided to be in a relationship. ...
A. 20 July 2010: I was just turning 22 when I started writing to a girl of the same age (at the suggestion of a much older, mutual friend). We wrote - real letters, on real paper, or sometimes a friendship card - for 3 months. The correspondence just naturally ... (read in full...)
Is it weird to be a virgin at 24?
Q. I haven't found a girl yet. I could if I wanted to. In college I had some chicks reject me. I could have gone for girls that I wasn't interested in. I could have hooked up with them, but I didn't. But now I'm 24, and haven't had sex. I'm ...
A. 18 July 2010: The feeling of "being the only single in a sea of couples" can be devastating. I was there! Even then, I realized that although I definitely wanted to experience sex, what I REALLY wanted was companionship and love with a life-partner.
I was 22 w... (read in full...)
Is waking him up with a blow job a good idea?
Q. When I stay at my boyfriends house we usually end up staying up until 4am being intimate, cuddling, or talking before he has to go back to his room. (still lives with his parents) This weekend we are both attending a party at a friend of mine's. ...
A. 18 July 2010: Ummm . . . Do you think you have to do a lot of drinking before you do this? If so, you probably shouldn't do it.
I much prefer morning sex to any other time. My wife & I just seem to do it by mutual consent. I guess in the early days of our m... (read in full...)
Were you a virgin when you met the person you are married to?
Q. Were you a virgin when you met the person you are married to? Were they a virgin? Were you a giving oral virgin? Were you a recievimg oral virgin?...
A. 18 July 2010: I was 22 when I met the woman I would marry. She was the same age. We were both virgins - neither one of us had done more than passionate, open-mouth kissing. (And she kissed rather passionately on our first date . . . but that's a story you can ... (read in full...)
Can my fiance lose her virginity by being fingered?
Q. I am 20 and so is my fiance she is still a virgin and wants to wait til we are married. We still do stuff like oral sex. She is wanting to go further but remain a virgin i was wondering if fingering her would pop her cherry or not? ...
A. 18 July 2010: Congratulations!!
I hope you experience a fulfilling, life-long marriage between lovers and best friends.
Ten months and counting . . . I can identify with that, since I spent 10 months in the anticipatory state of being engaged. What d... (read in full...)
Can my fiance lose her virginity by being fingered?
Q. I am 20 and so is my fiance she is still a virgin and wants to wait til we are married. We still do stuff like oral sex. She is wanting to go further but remain a virgin i was wondering if fingering her would pop her cherry or not? ...
A. 16 July 2010: "Tisha-1" gave a good answer - you need a more precise definition of virginity. Or, you actually need to know your fiance's definition of virginity.
I sense that underneath your post is the age-old question faced by couples:
"How far can we g... (read in full...)
We have never celebrated our wedding anniversary - any ideas on how to start?
Q. This day in time people do not take marriage seriously or treasure the moment of being with someone for the rest of our lives. Well I am that old time thinker that love is romatic but the man I have been with for the last 7 years does not think ...
A. 15 July 2010: I commend your loyalty and persistence!
I'm also impressed that you are adjusting to the situation as it is, rather than complaining over what it is not. You probably came into the marriage with some ideas of what the "husband tasks" and "wifely ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be born without a hymen?
Q. Sorry this isn’t a relationship question but I think everyone here is a bit more helpful than yahoo answers. it’s a bit personal. As far back as I remember I have not technically been a virgin (never had a hymen). I was wondering if you could be ...
A. 14 July 2010: Young lady, you ARE definitely a virgin until you have sexual intercourse with a man. I hope that happens within a loving, committed, life-partner or marriage relationship.
Why are you paranoid? What sort of help do you need at this time? I... (read in full...)
Is is possible to get married after my boyfriend is done basic training for the army, & could I live with him on base housing when hes done?
Q. so i been with this guy joe, im very happy. he's in bootcamp right now for the army, and were getting pretty serious. Im 16 years old, young yes, but very mature. Im turning 17 in december anywho. I really wanted to know if its possible to get ...
A. 14 July 2010: Give your B/F a special thanks for his service.
Well, yeah, you ARE rather young to be doing this but I'll respect your self-evaluation and take up that question in another thread.
The military services will honor any legally valid marriage f... (read in full...)
How can I find out if he's really interested without embarassing myself or jeopardizing my job?
Q. I recently started a new job as the manager of a small, all-male department of a large corporation. Almost immediately, I found myself attracted to one of my subordinates and lately it's become extremely distracting. A couple of weeks ago he did...
A. 14 July 2010: You are trying to balance on a razor-edge. The flirting that's happening here is a flirtation with disaster.
This kind of emotional and sexual relationship is not appropriate between a superior and a subordinate. Seed a search engine with the... (read in full...)
Why cant a make a guy cum from a bj?
Q. My last boyfriend of 6 years never came during a blowjob. now my new boyfriend hasnt either Am i doing it wrong?? im really hurt hes stuck with a rubbish girlfriend!! are some men unable to come during a blowjob....why!!!!!...
A. 13 July 2010: I'm a guy who finds it very difficult to climax from a blowjob. Gentle caresses around my inner thighs sometimes helps get me almost there, then trigger it with finger stimulation on the backside of the scrotum, across the perineum, around the anus ... (read in full...)
I feel so.. not normal because I'm pretty sure most girls my age don't masturbate..
Q. This is kind of embarrassing, but I want to feel better about it. So i'm 16 years old and I masturbate about 3-4 times a week. I'm still a virgin, i've never gone further with a guy than a guy putting his hand down there (over my clothes) and maki...
A. 13 July 2010: Masturbation has been discouraged, or even prohibited, by many religions, cultures and family values around the world. And women are usually more strongly condemned than men for practicing masturbation so it's understandable for you to think "I'm ... (read in full...)
For all of those people that have obvious flaws, how did you find your mate?
Q. Hey guys, I am 22 and I've never had a boyfriend. I have wonderful personality, I'm intelligent, educated, I love new things, having fun, and I am decent in terms of looks; I have a nice body, cute face...the blatant flaw is, unfortunately my...
A. 12 July 2010: You should probably research an answer on your own.
Look around you at couples you know. Folks around your own age are probably poor choices - look for people AT LEAST mid-30's, who have been together more than a decade. Your parents' friends ... (read in full...)
Virginity Regret?
Q. I was 20 when I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend, at the time we were not in love and I always wanted to wait until I was either in love or married, but with him it felt right so we did it and we eventually fell in love. Now we're not ...
A. 12 July 2010: The comments from "male reader, anonymous" excellent.
You will not be able to give the next guy anything as significant as you gave to your ex. Yes, this will matter to some guys. And if it does, they will either learn to look past it, or t... (read in full...)
Shouldn't a newly-wed have a higher sex drive?
Q. My husband and I are newly-weds. We have been together for three years and have been married for 2 weeks. We're both 20. We've had plenty of sex in the past and I used to think i was a nympho because i always wanted to have sex with him.. But latly ...
A. 10 July 2010: Yeah, there IS a problem here. You know that, and he will figure it out shortly - if he hasn't already. It's not necessarily only YOUR problem - and I don't say that just because you two are now (as husband and wife) partners on a team.
Even ... (read in full...)
What is a better turn on for men?
Q. is it a better turn on for guys when you moan or run your fingernails down their back during oral sex or just sex?...
A. 10 July 2010: Young lady, there is a wide variation among guys regarding what turns them on. And even for a particular guy, it'll vary from occasion to occasion, and even change in the course of a asexual session.
In general, guys are turned-on by by your gen... (read in full...)
Do guys like being called "daddy" during sex?
Q. I was wondering do guys like it when you call them "daddy" when your haveing sex? Or would they think its weird? ALso if they do like being called that during sex would they still like to be called that when there not? Just curious, thanks....
A. 9 July 2010: That's a pet-name that many couples use. In fact, my mother-in-law sometimes calls my father-in-law "Daddy".
Personally, I don't like the name used in that way. My wife and I are partners on a team. We each have roles and responsi... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any reccomendations between residence for uni or off campus?
Q. This isn't a relationship question, but more an inquiry about personal experiences and advice. I have the choice of either living in a residence at my university (in a quad with 6 other people) or with a good friend of mine off campus. On campus ...
A. 9 July 2010: Here's a slightly different opinion. I was always somewhat bookish, not a party type, on the quiet-and-shy side. I liked the convenience, diversity, and options of dorm life. And, I think it helped me step out and explore myself a bit more.
... (read in full...)
Questions about the honeymoon period, and what are other couples sleeping arrangements?
Q. I have a couple of quick and easy questions: How long has the 'honeymoon period' typically lasted in your relationships? How do you normally sleep with your partners? Most of my relationships I'd go home to sleep but my current partner lik...
A. 8 July 2010: I haven't had much experience with "relationships" as they're called - briefly loved a girl the summer after High School, didn't date during college - met my wife at age 22, married her a year and two weeks later - still married (to each other!) ... (read in full...)
| *aletom's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aletom has
added them and they have added *aletom!
|
