Like what
he writes?
... Add *aletom to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *aletom a private message | | | *aletom's profile:Does anybody ever read these things? Send mail if you do!
What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
|
Men and orgasms.
Q. just a question about men and orgams, when a women orgasms i describe it you get a lovely feeling inside, its like a sneeze that i wish would last a lot longer than it does, usually a few seconds and in that few seconds is a real realease feeling, ...
A. 29 September 2010: A lot of research says that the physical sensations of orgasm are about the same for men as for women. The article "Male and Female Orgasm: Not so different?" at ... (read in full...)
Dry ejaculation...
Q. Hey Help!!, Last night I had an erection and I held it in with my PC muscle. I know it was kind of stupid to do this. So in essence I had a dry ejaculation. I've never really tried it before but I had a sharp pain in my lower stomach. Now the...
A. 28 September 2010: I won't tell you, "Tough it out and don't worry about it.", because there are valid reasons to be watchful.
I have a little bit of experience with this - except it was (probably) my wife, starting her orgasm at the same time as mine (not intentio... (read in full...)
I didn't bleed, and it didn't hurt my first time.
Q. Well im 16 years old nd had sex for the very first time, all my friends were already sexually active and they said there first time was very painfull nd horrible but my first time wasent painfull at all nd i taught u were suppost to bleed but i ...
A. 28 September 2010: Sounds like some combination of good luck, good preparation, or a good partner. Do you feel cheated that you missed the combination of blood, sweat, and tears that your great-grandmother probably experienced on her wedding night? (Some women have ... (read in full...)
When is the right time to get married? Does a lot of planning go into a wedding?
Q. hey everyone! its been awhile. anyways heres the thing, over the summer i met this one girl at a anime event and we kinda hit it off on the first day and we hd our first kiss the same day we officially met. (we met over FB) and I deeply believe she ...
A. 27 September 2010: I doubt that there is ever a "right" time to get married. It will always be a step of faith - faith in your partner, as well as faith in yourself. If you truly know yourself, and know your partner, that faith will be well-reasoned, and not ... (read in full...)
Dimples of Venus - Cute or Weird?
Q. Hey everyone! How's it going? Really quick question: I've got butt dimples (A.K.A dimples of venus). At first I thought I had some sort of severe, tragic accident when I was younger and the two dimples were "battle scars". Now that I've grown up...
A. 25 September 2010: Nikki Nikkles wrote, "They're the ones just above my bikini line, on my lower back. (: "
Why the frowning face? Personally I'd probably see your dimples as not a big deal, either way - and part of your overall attractiveness. My wife & I spend ... (read in full...)
On average, how often does a woman in her mid-40's want to orgasm per week?
Q. What is the average, or "normal" amount of times a woman in her mid-40's would want to orgasm? I know for me, the " poisons have to leave the building" at least 3 times per week - whether with my wife's help or solo if need be. Do women have a ...
A. 21 September 2010: I don't think most women have the same general need to climax like a guy does. When I was about your age I was still in the 4 - 5 times a week range. My wife was quite willing to cooperate, although other factors sometimes intervened so I probably ... (read in full...)
What does anal sex feel like, from a guy's perspective?
Q. what does anal sex feel like? Does it feel like the vagina? Similar to oral sex? can you give a better detail if you are a guy? Please dont say "it feels like pooping" because i want to know what the guy is feeling. ...
A. 17 September 2010: The anal sphincter gives a deliciously tight grip, concentrated right at the point of entrance, and very little direct stimulation to the portion that's farther inside. The vagina's grip is more uniform along the whole length of the inserted penis. ... (read in full...)
Do colleges look at teachers comments?
Q. Do colleges look at not only grades, but teachers comments too? I'm just wondering, like if you had a good grade (say a 90) but they didn't put a good comment or something..like doesn't participate or bad behavior.....
A. 9 September 2010: In general, grades and test scores don't mean as much as they did a decade or two ago. There is more emphasis on activities and accomplishments - both inside school (clubs and athletics), and in the larger community (church, Scouts, volunteer ... (read in full...)
Tall woman with a shorter man?
Q. At 5' 11" I am a very tall woman that usually wears heels for work purposes that easily put me over 6'2. A couple of weeks ago while on my lunch break I walked over to the Book store to browse around and noticed this cute shorter guy eying the ve...
A. 7 September 2010: Since you're attracted to him, go ahead and move into a dating relationship. In a few weeks, or months (after you are comfortable with each other), you can discuss the height question with him - and listen to what he has to say. He may be quite ... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to initiate another kiss?
Q. Two nights ago I went to a small kickback at my best friend's house. He has been my best friend since high school and he had had a big crush on me back then. We are now in college and we hang out every weekend with our whole crew. At the kickback, ...
A. 7 September 2010: If your observations are accurate, you probably don't have much to be afraid of.
Find a comfortable time when the two of you are together and not around other people, and initiate it! If he really IS shy, he just may end up loving you forever.... (read in full...)
What would guys think of a girl like me?
Q. I am a 23yr old virgin. Whenever I go out men are always complimenting me..asking if Im a model.. and trying to get my number. I am tall, i work out, eat healthy, am very stylish/classy, and I love God. I have guys ask me out sometimes (past ...
A. 6 September 2010: It sounds like you are trying to be anti-social, and asking for support in that decision.
Did you also post the question "What do guys my age think of young ladies like me???" at http://w... (read in full...)
I'm using the toilet too often!
Q. hi im really annoyed because i need to use the toilet anthing up 20 times a day, wat can i do please i need help!!!...
A. 6 September 2010: This is a medical question. You need to see a doctor.
What you describe is a common symptom for a wide range of urinary tract infections. In nearly all cases, they are easily treated with antibiotics.
Women seem to be more susceptible to t... (read in full...)
What is the best way to get my girlfriend into bed and to make sure she enjoys her first time?
Q. Me and my lass are both virgins, but we've started to get serious. But, I'm not totally sure what's the best way to get her into bed, and what...foreplay and position that will pleasure her the most. I know it's an awkward topic, but any help?...
A. 4 September 2010: If you have to "get her into bed", neither of you are ready for sex. The question of first-time sex appears quite regularly on here, and you can find answers to your questions if you look for them.
When my wife and I exchanged virginity (she gav... (read in full...)
My first time having sex! advice please!
Q. Me and my girl were thinking about having sex for the first time. We are both in our 20s. Both of us are virgins so we are new to this. So we plan to be safe about this so I was going to buy some condoms, but I have no idea what size to get. My ...
A. 4 September 2010: Condoms come in 2 or 3 sizes, but even if you have the best size there is a very real chance that you will use it incorrectly if you are both virgins. Contraception and STD's are VERY REAL problems that you two need to solve TOGETHER - but ... (read in full...)
Has anyone actually become pregnant after the pulling out technique?
Q. Hey Me and my boyfriend have been having unprotected sex but he doesn't actually ejaculate inside me.. I've been hearing mixed comments about this as some people say it is very unlikely to get pregnant and some think it is very likely.. Has anyone ...
A. 4 September 2010: The technical terms for what you describe range from "coitus interruptus" to "pull and pray". Many people who use this method are called "mommy" or "daddy". If you seed a search engine with ' contraceptive effectiveness "pull out" ' you can find ... (read in full...)
Tall woman with a shorter man?
Q. At 5' 11" I am a very tall woman that usually wears heels for work purposes that easily put me over 6'2. A couple of weeks ago while on my lunch break I walked over to the Book store to browse around and noticed this cute shorter guy eying the ve...
A. 4 September 2010: You're right - some guys won't even consider a girl who isn't at least a few inches shorter than they are. My full adult height is 6'2 (188 cm), and my wife is just short of 5'10 (178 cm). I have always preferred tall women. I thought about the ... (read in full...)
Shaved, trimmed or natural?
Q. What do guys prefer? Shaved, trimmed or natural? ...
A. 4 September 2010: I prefer a more natural look. A shaved woman makes me think of a pre-pubescent, 13-year old - not a woman mature enough for a sexual relationship.... (read in full...)
Best place to buy a wedding dress?
Q. where is the best place to buy wedding dresses?i live in plant city, fl and im looking for a wedding dress for an outside wedding in october ...
A. 1 September 2010: How do you define "best"? You'll probably need to resort to word-of-mouth in that particular area to learn who has a good reputation for least-hassles, most flattering fit, etc.
If you're using "best" to mean the highest brand-name reputati... (read in full...)
Is it a problem if she's taller?
Q. So my question is, are guys put off if a girl is taller than them? I'm 5 10, and love being tall. My ex bf hated it if I wore heels, though, as I'd be maybe an inch taller than him. So now, I've been asked out by a guy who is maybe a little bit ...
A. 31 August 2010: Yes, some guys won't even consider a girl who isn't at least a few inches shorter than they are. My full adult height is 6'2 (188 cm), and my wife is just short of 5'10 (178 cm). I have always preferred tall women. I thought about the height ... (read in full...)
What do guys my age think of young ladies like me???
Q. I am a 23yr old virgin. Whenever I go out men are always complimenting me..asking if Im a model.. and trying to get my number. I am tall, i work out, eat healthy, am very stylish/classy, and I love God. I live with my dad, grandma, and my dog. I ...
A. 31 August 2010: I hope the subject of your sexual history (or lack thereof) doesn't even come up until a few weeks, or even months, into a relationship. In all honesty, if you feel compelled to advertise that characteristic from the start then in some ways you ... (read in full...)
How can he be so calm and want sex when I might be pregnant?
Q. I told my bf today I'd been feeling strange and he looked worried, asked me if I thought I was pregnant. I said I didn't think so (though I was trembling) but he insisted I take a test soon because he thought there was a strong chance. On his lead, ...
A. 31 August 2010: First, find out if you really ARE pregnant.
Second, if you haven't already given honest thought to the question, "Suppose I get pregnant?", then you aren't really ready for a relationship that includes sex.
Third, you need a more complete li... (read in full...)
Should she fight through the urge to pee during sex?
Q. Hi, so my question is when my GF and I have sex, she gets that sensation to wanna pee. So she'll stop and literally go pee(She actually pees) and comes back so we start again and she gets the same feeling again after a few minutes. I tell her to ...
A. 31 August 2010: Does your G/F have orgasms with some regularity? I've heard that some women have to fight through that "Gotta pee!" sensation before they can learn to orgasm, and a few actually DO lose bladder control during some orgasms.
When we first started ... (read in full...)
What do guys like in girls?
Q. What do guys like in girls? Do they like straight teeth, blonde hair, brown hair, certain color eyes, etc. Also, what personality do they want girls to have?...
A. 31 August 2010: Yeah, be whatever you are - not somebody else. Guys definitely DON'T like a phony!
Beyond that, look around you at older couples. I mean, couples about your parents' age, who have been together for a decade or more. Ask yourself, "What did he/s... (read in full...)
What's it like losing your virginity?
Q. so im talking to this guy about having sex with him so i can have a first time. i really like him but i dont think he feels the same way.. he is only 2 years older than me. should i have sex with him? he is in college and im a junior. and how bad ...
A. 30 August 2010: The content, as well as the tone, of your question indicate that you aren't ready to be sexually active. And, if you are as uncertain, and apprehensive, as your question sounds, you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with this guy. You may ... (read in full...)
Started without a condom -- could she be pregnant?
Q. Ok I have a question....my and my girl (LDS) where going to have sex, but she wanted to take my virginity....bareback if you will. No protection for the immediate start. Well we did and then I put a condom on and we had sex. Now I am worried....
A. 29 August 2010: Is there something you haven't said that makes you especially worried she may be pregnant? I have waited out a pregnancy scare due to a late period - which was especially upsetting because we hadn't even had penis-in-vagina sex yet - so I know what ... (read in full...)
It took me a while to orgasm? what can I do to make it faster?
Q. My boyfriend just gave me an orgasm last night! Initially i had given up that maybe its only me who can give myself an orgasm but he did it last night.It was through oral sex.We've been having sex for 6months now and he's been going down on me since ...
A. 29 August 2010: Is he complaining? I hope you made him feel extra-special for what the two of you accomplished!
At this point I don't see any problem. As the two of you work together and learn what works best for you it should happen more easily and more oft... (read in full...)
How can I support my husband working over night?
Q. okay here I go my husband got a job grave yard... and im so used to him being home with me and our son.. I try abd try to get used to him being gone five nights a week.. but some how I cant ... he thinks I assume he is cheating I don't cause I know ...
A. 29 August 2010: You don't give many details. The key is to create a schedule that makes time for you, your husband, and your son to be together - partly, but not entirely, all 3 together and partly one-on-one in pairs. This may require some adjustments to ... (read in full...)
Why does the male get mad when you won't let him ejaculate in your mouth?
Q. Why does the male get mad when u wont let him ejaculate in your mouth??...
A. 28 August 2010: For some guys it's a domination thing.
For many of us, the orgasm feels so much better when there's the right kind of firm but gentle grip around the penis during ejaculation. I don't care whether my partner (discretely) spits or swallows... (read in full...)
She is a virgin but I am not, how can I make her first time perfect?
Q. Hello my problem would sound a bit unusual..my girfriend and i are plannin to have sex soon.. shes a virgin but im not. i had many girls in bed so im pretty experienced..but the thing is i never had a virgin in my life and it actually freaks m...
A. 26 August 2010: First time sex is probably NEVER even close to "perfect" from the physical perspective. Most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say ... (read in full...)
So how many men are honestly happy with their spouses chest?
Q. So how many men are honestly happy with their spouses chest? Honestly and anonomously?! I'm 31 years old, in-shape, but not a runway model. I'm 5'8", and 145 lbs, and have a 36D/DD bust, and I have no kids. My breasts have always been large for m...
A. 26 August 2010: I have been married to a small-busted woman for over 30 years. I knew what was (and wasn't) there before we were engaged, before we were married, and before we started having sex (in that order). It was VERY NICE when she was pregnant, or breast ... (read in full...)
Is this normal after anal sex?
Q. My husband and i have been sexually active together for over 15 years. We enjoy it, and have sex 6-8 times a week. We're not porn addicts or sex addicts or anything, we just love sex. We have been having anal sex a lot more over the past few years. ...
A. 26 August 2010: You and your husband need to discuss this. Yes, I believe you can do some serious damage if you abuse the practice.
In both sexes there are a lot of nerve endings "back there" that are very pleasurable when stimulated after sexual arousal.... (read in full...)
How do guys feel about clevage enhancing bra's?
Q. Hi, I'd like some opinions, especially from guys out there, about cleavage-enhacing bras. I normally wear a padded, water-filled bra when I go out, which makes my breasts look one cup size bigger than they are...so I've been doing this whilst ...
A. 26 August 2010: I have been married to a small-busted woman for over 30 years. I knew what was (and wasn't) there before we were engaged, before we were married, and before we started having sex (in that order). It was VERY NICE when she was pregnant, or breast ... (read in full...)
Whats a good time to stop breast feeding?
Q. Hi i was just curious about whats the oldest the baby should be when you stop breast feeding it? I read some where that you continue to do it till they dont want it any more but what if they still want it like when there two? Thanks....
A. 24 August 2010: I don't know what the "recommended" limits may be . . .
My kids continued breast feeding after they were started on solid foods, and my wife let them continue pretty much as long as they were interested. As I recall they gave it up at various ... (read in full...)
Is this labour, signs of labour or just a hormonal woman unprepared?
Q. I'm pregnant and i'm 2 weeks from my due date, but feeling a wee bit funny. I'm experiencing period like symtoms without the cramps .... a bit like a leaky tap without the leaking. I feel like i could start my period, i know, not going to but that's ...
A. 24 August 2010: Original Poster, you haven't mentioned any "significant other". (Not many girls get pregnant all by themselves.) I hope there's a loving, considerate guy in your life - I remember pregnancy being a very loving, intimate time as a couple. And ... (read in full...)
Is it bad for a woman to date someone 3 years younger?
Q. I am 20 years old, fixing to be 21 in a few weeks.. and I really like this guy who is 17 years old. He can act pretty mature for his age but i'm not sure what others would think? Is it bad for a girl to date someone who is 3 years younger? ...
A. 24 August 2010: Look up the discussion in the recent thread, "Older girl dating a younger guy?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/older-girl-dating-a-younger-guy.html . Everything said there applies here, as well.
p.s. - "Sugarbuns", isn't it "statuto... (read in full...)
It bothers me that my friend changed her name when she got married
Q. My friend at work got married in private three months ago, and took her husband's name. It was a couple of weeks before we (her friends) found out. It was all so sudden. We all had to get used to her having a completely different last name, but I...
A. 24 August 2010: Yeah, it's somewhat inconvenient in a business setting to correct the phone list (in some places they even keep BOTH the old name, and the new name, in the directory for a while), re-order business cards, change the name plates on the doors, ... (read in full...)
I need some advice as to how to rectify this situation?
Q. There's this guy I like. I played soccer with his sister, and his mom was my soccer coach. We've known each other for about five years (that's how long I was on the team), however, we've never really spoken much on account of both of us being kind ...
A. 23 August 2010: Neither of you is very likely to say anything like "I like you" (much less anything more substantial) until you spend some time communicating with each other. That generally means in-person, face-to-face time - though not necessarily one-on-one, ... (read in full...)
He cried when he ejaculated! Is this normal?
Q. i have just started a new relationship and slept together for the first time although we didnt have sex just foreplay . i just wondered if it was normal for a man to cry whilst ejeculating never had this happen before ...
A. 23 August 2010: I don't know how commonplace it is - guys DEFINITELY don't talk about it. I cried when I gave my virginity to my wife. It was a very complicated mix of physical and emotional intensity. I'd probably have to be very attached to somebody - mentally ... (read in full...)
Is this labour, signs of labour or just a hormonal woman unprepared?
Q. I'm pregnant and i'm 2 weeks from my due date, but feeling a wee bit funny. I'm experiencing period like symtoms without the cramps .... a bit like a leaky tap without the leaking. I feel like i could start my period, i know, not going to but that's ...
A. 23 August 2010: Sounds like you're "getting there", but not arrived yet.
The first time my wife was pregnant she had something similar to what you're feeling for almost 2 days before she actually started labor. I've heard other women say it went on even longer. ... (read in full...)
Did he mean it, or was he just being polite, what do you think?
Q. I went on a first date today...it went pretty well, lasted about 5 hours, and there were a few opportunities for him to cut it shorter if he had wanted to. We ended the date with drinks at a bar a block from my apartment and it started pouring on ...
A. 23 August 2010: Oh by the way . . .
It doesn't quite look like it, but if there's a question hidden between the lines like "Shouldn't he have tried to kiss me?": It varies among individuals and cultures, but no, probably not. Especially with those other fo... (read in full...)
Did he mean it, or was he just being polite, what do you think?
Q. I went on a first date today...it went pretty well, lasted about 5 hours, and there were a few opportunities for him to cut it shorter if he had wanted to. We ended the date with drinks at a bar a block from my apartment and it started pouring on ...
A. 23 August 2010: Say, I can recall several times when getting caught in the rain turned into something playfully romantic . . . but it never happened that early in a relationship, much less on a first date.
The fact that he asked for a hug in front of those ot... (read in full...)
Dimples of Venus - Cute or Weird?
Q. Hey everyone! How's it going? Really quick question: I've got butt dimples (A.K.A dimples of venus). At first I thought I had some sort of severe, tragic accident when I was younger and the two dimples were "battle scars". Now that I've grown up...
A. 19 August 2010: Are you referring to dimples on your lower back - roughly at the top of your bikini bottom - or to dimples on your buttocks?
They're certainly part of what makes you, "YOU". When you meet the right guy he will either not really notice them ver... (read in full...)
| *aletom's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aletom has
added them and they have added *aletom!
|
