A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi to all my dear friends out there, some of whome I've helped many times myself. Now its me that needs a bit of help and support, and I'd so appreciate to know that yous are there as I feel so lonely and distraught at the moment. So whats the story? I've parted from my husband for several reasons. Firstly he has an eating disorder - its actually an ocd which manifests around food. This makes life very difficult for me/us, as we can't go out to eat, go on holiday, go away weekends and in fact he no longer eats at home either. He hid this very well and I married him not knowing he had this disorder - they are very clever at manipulating and covering these things up. We've parted before, not only due to the eating disorder, but he is a very good man, much younger than me, and he has tried very hard to put right the discrepancies he made early on in the marriage. I, being the more mature in the relationship, allowed him the folly of youth, and I have to say in all other aspects he has matured a great deal. The eating disorder on the other hand never goes away. I have lived with doing things on my own, and feel very lonely in my marriage and most times wonder what the point is. The other problem is my problem. As I said he's much younger than me, and the older I get the harder it is to trust that he will want to stay with me, this is partly due to his indiscrepancies on the internet early in the marriage - though it never went any further than the internet it was still a huge blow and a betrayal - and I guess I'm scared of trusting my vulnerability in the last part of my life to him. So all in all, theres a lot going on here. I have to say I don't find being without him any easier than being with him, and still do everything on my own but it is early days and I'm grieving, which alone is not easy. Oh Help. I know I need to stay strong as I watch him seeming to fall down around his own ears, and its hard not to rescue him as I've done in the past. I've been trying to find a co-dependents group here in the uk for that is what I am, but they are all drug related. Any help and support would be so much appreciated. Many thanks. One of your Aunts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDenise 32, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me, even in the library. It was great that you also confirmed Caring Guy's words. Very valueable to me at the moment and strenghtns my resolve. God bless xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much Caring Guy, that was just what I needed to hear. It also helps that you are in a similar situation and to hear what you are doing is so different confirms for me that this relationship was wrong !!!!! You are right, he wanted a mother, and though I felt that by helping him when we first met he would get on his feet and then be off, the opposite happened, bringing me down and making me sick. Now I'm getting back on track and getting myself stronger, though I know I'm still mentally very low and unwell and have along way to go, I have at least madde a start. Your help and support is more valuable than you will ever know. Thank you so much. God bless you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much Caring Guy, that was just what I needed to hear. It also helps that you are in a similar situation and to hear what you are doing is so different confirms for me that this relationship was wrong !!!!! You are right, he wanted a mother, and though I felt that by helping him when we first met he would get on his feet and then be off, the opposite happened, bringing me down and making me sick. Now I'm getting back on track and getting myself stronger, though I know I'm still mentally very low and unwell and have along way to go, I have at least madde a start. Your help and support is more valuable than you will ever know. Thank you so much. God bless you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much Caring Guy, that was just what I needed to hear. It also helps that you are in a similar situation and to hear what you are doing is so different confirms for me that this relationship was wrong !!!!! You are right, he wanted a mother, and though I felt that by helping him when we first met he would get on his feet and then be off, the opposite happened, bringing me down and making me sick. Now I'm getting back on track and getting myself stronger, though I know I'm still mentally very low and unwell and have along way to go, I have at least madde a start. Your help and support is more valuable than you will ever know. Thank you so much. God bless you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Caring Guy - this is Denise 32 using a library computer 'cos mine's being worked on........just want to say your reponse was spot-on. Really hit the nail on the head.
"Dear Aunt" Sorry you're going through this tough time with your husband. I can't really add anything except to say, DON'T rescue him! He has to stand on his own two feet sooner or later, and much as you may love him, you have to take care of your own needs......
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 August 2010):
You won't like me saying this, but you're acting more like his mother than as a wife. When a man takes a wife, he takes HER, not anyone else. His 'follies' are no excuse for his cheating. Also, he needed to be tackling his issues. He's not. You're trying to do it for him, as a mother would. I'm dating an older woman, and there is no way that I would behave this way with her. No way. I think that your husband looks to you as a mother type, while you look more on him as a son. This should be a marriage where you are both equal and both dealing with problems. As it is, you take his problems on, while he runs around doing his own thing.
That needs to stop, right now. This guy will never be the guy you want or need. He will just be the guy you always run after, and who will continue to run away and do his own thing. Let him go, and leave your own life. Rescue yourself, not him.
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