A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating someone for 3 months...we moved fast and are in a committed relationship. I want to know why things change...We used to text constantly during the day..now? Not as much...He used to bring flowers...Now? Nope..We have been basically living together the past month...Does that change things? Does change necessarily mean bad or is he just getting comfortable?
View related questions:
flowers, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): He definitely shows it....I can't fault him there...I just assumed (bad thing) that if someone loves you they tell you...not just sporadically, but all the time. I think I've read too many novels LOL....My expectations are a bit unrealistic...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2011):
 does he have to say it? NO
do you want him to say it YES
do you NEED him to say it: maybe
if you do you need to tell him.. if he can't it may be a deal breaker.
MY BF never says it to me... well rarely maybe once a month or so.. but he SHOWS me in many ways that he loves me.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): Last question....Am I just becoming crazy insecure? Does he have to say I love you every day? He says it to his kids after every phone call...but since he originally said it to me....it's dwindled :( I said it first the last couple of times. He does show it though... why is it so important that I hear it??
It's nuts...I wasn't insecure at all when we first met...Why now?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2011):
ROFL we have two places still in two different cities... we still consider ourselves living together as we are together more than we are apart.
we refer to our places as our {his state} apartment and our {my state} home...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): I should clarify the "living together" part...He does have his own place...two actually..One being finished and the place he lives while it's being finished.
He for some reason has been staying with me for the past 2 weeks (not planned, just worked out that way)...Maybe that isn't truly "living together," but it feels like it lol...
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 October 2011):
once you are living together you can see each other every day and communicate face to face.. texting and calling tends to get less and less... even emails stop... because you will talk to each other when you get home and have dinner...
SOUNDS like a whirlwind romance and that he wooed you nicely.
what you should do is remind him that you like being wooed and flowers once in a while for no reason would be a lovely thought...
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (4 October 2011):
 Dated for two months and now have been living together for 1 month?
The courting period went on the fast track, but the two of you are both responsible for the romancing and pampering.
You have not been together long, this should still be your honeymoon phase! It is a bit too soon to fall into that comfortable rut for either one of you to stop trying to "woo" the other.
I would not bring up the lack of flowers, but the lack of effort towards each other. Ask what you can do too to ward off relationship boredom.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 he is getting comfortable. you are providing all his home comforts now, so the 'dating' period where he had to romance you is over. you should have kept him courting you a bit longer if you wanted to prolong the romance. if you are now his cook, cleaner, wife and mother all rolled into one, he does not need to buy you flowers. have you told him you are missing the romantic gestures?
x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): Thank you all for the responses...I think I was just being a bit paranoid as everyone around seems to be having relationship problems, but me.. :)
As for surprising him? Yes...I make it a point to surprise him with a) things he needs and b) things to show I listen and have been thinking about him :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 October 2011):
 There are TWO "keys" to this....
1. Are you putting out for him???? That means the end of flowers and having to be nice....
2. What's with living together? Does that mean you sleep together and have s*x? That means the end of flowers and having to be nice.....
THAT is what life is like with us men....
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (4 October 2011):
 I do agree with ChiGirl in the fact that sometimes the heat of passion does die as the relationship ages. While I can't ascertain with any certainty that your relationship is doomed or won't "reignite" in the future, it doesn't mean you can't re-spark the relationship yourself.
It does seem you went pretty fast. Let's face it, you skipped the getting to know you phase and the courting phase. You are still really getting to know one another and now you find yourself pretty much living together. At this point you'll be engaged or married by Christmas (I do say this in jest).
I do caution you as you do proceed during these next few months, you are going to learn a LOT about each other. It seems like the honeymoon phase may be over and you are beginning to see the real person now.
While it seems you are waiting for your man to send you flowers, when was the last time you went out of your way to surprise him? Since you know that something is missing perhaps you need to take initiative. Make him dinner. Wear something naughty to bed. Send some racy text messages to him. It may take a little bit of effort to get him re-fired up again up and treating you like a queen but it sounds like you are going to have to take the initiative and make the move yourself.
I wish you the best and good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 Yep. Comfortable. He may have also been too nice in the beginning and now hes set an expectation for himself. Another possible reason why nice guys finish last.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 It's getting comfortable. Flowers etc. will primarily be for special occasions. They aren't "the regular", so you must not ever get used to special pampering, because those things are extra's and not the norm.
This is the normal side of the relationship, what you had before was him doing extra's for you to impress you and make you fall for him. Now he's relaxing and being more his usual self.
The best part of a relationship is when the people start to relax and are themselves, and not have to work on winning each other over, or trying to impress, or always worry what the other thinks. When you start getting comfortable you can truly enjoy the relationship and each other.
The usual time for relationships to "settle" and calm down is around 6 months to one year. You still have some time before you truly know your boyfriend, but it looks like he's starting to show you who he really is already, which is good.
...............................
|
