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male
,
anonymous
writes: My wife and I are remarried in our forties. She was married over 15 years. She had lots of guy friends growing up. These guys have molded her thinking in such a way that it's driving me crazy. I am a guy who can see beauty in all races, I don't lock in on blondes or brunettes, black, asian... So here's my dilemma. Since I think this way, I don't have a preference as she says. Like all the guys she knows or had relationships with. She feels threatened and in competition with all women. She told me her type guy and has shown me some celebrities that may make me uncomfortable if I am around them. She said imagine her view on this, being around any woman makes her uncomfortable. Now you may think I give her reason to act this way, but she has told me she has never been around a guy like me that accepts people in all shapes and sizes. She told me she wishes all people were like me. But on the other hand, the years of hearing these things, she has a hard time believing me. I am into her completely, love everything about her and have told her over and over I dont think like all those guys she has been around. She thinks blondes are better then brunettes and light nipples are better that dark.....and so on. I give her no reason to feel insecure at all. I want her to get rid of these unfounded feelings....HELP!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2006): I'm not sure if this will be helpful, but I think the only solution here is patience. You need to stick at it, persuading your wife that you really are as open-minded as you say. If she's had over a decade of people telling her otherwise, it will take a long time for you to change her mind. But if you persevere and are always kind and consistent, your efforts will pay off. Good luck.
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