A
male
age
51-59,
*opeful13
writes:I am a 41-year-old man who fell hard for a 27-year-old woman that I met four months ago.I've courted her from the beginning, never hiding my feelings from her, but she insisted we remain just friends.We have a lot in common and get along perfectly.And during this time, I've gotten to know her on a real personal level.She has shown some signs of interest as if she was coming around, but I ended up screwing things up by sending her long emails about how much I like her, which caused her to back away.I even got drunk one night and told her that my feelings for her are so strong that I can't just remain being friends with her. It has to be all or nothing.So she took this as an ultimatum, which I guess it was, but in hindsight, I didn't really mean it that way.In her response, she said she could offer me her friendship and that is all. But now she's been very cold towards me, so it doesn't even seem as if she wants to be a friend anymore.My question is, if I do manage to get the friendship back on track, which I think I can, do I ever have a chance in winning her heart?Or has she most likely already seen me in a very desperate, pathetic light and will never see me as a potential lover?
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male
reader, Hopeful13 +, writes (28 June 2010):
Hopeful13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, you guys make a lot of sense.
So I guess I shouldn't send her a Hallmark card telling her I'm sorry?
With a short poem that I wrote?
I know, it sounds corny and desperate, but I was actually considering that. WTF.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): I agree, you've got to stop contacting her or trying to fix it. Regardless of whether you wanted to give her the ultimatum, you gave it to her and she made her choice.
You can't change her mind, you can't control her feelings.
So pursuing it and disregarding her choice is the worst thing you can do. I mean seriously, if you give someone a choice you have to respect their decision. You can't talk them out of it.
So lie low, not just for her, but for you, too. I think you need to move forward. At least for now until you are feeling more in control of your feelings and who you are.
And as strontiumdog suggests, if you really feel you need to, contact her in about a month but keep it short and straightforward without mentioning your feelings. Just say "hi, hope you're doing well" or something that doesn't require her to respond.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (28 June 2010):
Some of speak the truth when we are drinking and it does come back to bite you in the butt! why does someone always has to rush things in a relationship! being friends first is what makes a relationship blossom into something great.
and guess what if it doesn't it means its not for you!
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A
male
reader, lowercaseq +, writes (28 June 2010):
 ok. I was in a situation like this . almost exact. you need to learn to treat her just like a friend . im sure she also expects to be treated differently ? treat her like any normal friend. and if she gets mad because you treat her like any other friend . then tell her . your just friends.
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