A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner works o/n and I work days, but the weekends we both have off. I'm 6 months pregnant with my second, and at the beginning of the month was the ultrasound. We found out it's a girl, but were really hoping for a boy. Since then he's hardly said anything to me. I've been pretty emotional because of that, but haven't let him see any of it. We haven't had any intimate contact for almost a month now, and the last time he could barely stay erect the whole time. I'm not fat, and have only gained about 8lbs this whole time, but his distance has made me feel ugly and useless. So our intimacy has bombed, but that's not the part I'm concerned about. I've always come home to garbage, wrappers, dishes and food burnt on pans because of his inability to pick up after himself while he's awake. He's always too engulfed in watching tv or playing xbox. After we found out that we're having a girl, he said he was getting a dog. Well, we found a puppy and he's great- but now the dog won't leave my partner's side (removing all hope of any intimacy), but my partner does not realize that a puppy does have to go outside to the bathroom every half hour when it is awake! The puppy behaves fine when on the bed, he'll sleep with me at night, then I'll take him out, etc. and when I leave for work he goes to bed with my partner. The problem is, when my partner wakes up he just puts the dog down on the floor and plays his xbox- I come home to dog crap all over the house because he can't be responsible enough to take it out! Then when I tried explaining the time span in which a dog needs to go out, he gets mad at me- like its my fault the dog is a puppy and has to pee constantly. Then last night he says I'm like my mother (in how much I complain about things) without asking why I was in a bad mood (horrible drive home, preggo pains, financial stress; then his complaining about child support pmt issues and lawyer bills as soon as I walk in the house). I went to bed, didn't even eat supper. Then today he gets up and played on the xbox for twelve hours- and this is normal for his days off. Because he works full-time and I work part-time, the agreement was that I do the majority of the housework. I'd be fine with that if it didn't consist of running around after him with a garbage bag! He can't even carry his dishes to the kitchen half the time. Then, the part he's supposed to do, the cat litter... I've done the past three weeks because it'd been over a week since he'd (or me waiting) done it. We do have a very big litter box, so a week is really the same as every other day for regular boxes. I'm just worried about when our (my) daughter comes if he'll be able to be responsible enough to change her diapers or feed her while I'm gone for 6 hours for work?! If he can't even let a little dog outside, how can I trust that he can do that? We can't afford daycare, but I'm strongly considering it because I'm so nervous about it. Further, when he sees that I'm emotionally distressed, he gets mad at me, which makes me cry even more. I've told him every time that he gets upset that it only makes it worse- but he says that he does it because being nice and asking what the problem was never works. He's never done that for me. He tends to get me and my behaviors confused with his ex quite a bit (but I don't dare mention that) but he just says that its me that doesn't remember anything ever. Like thursday we were watching a movie on tv and I was really enjoying it; he had to leave for work and mentioned that he didn't like the movie and we'd watched it before. It was seriously one I'd never seen, had wanted to, but never. He gets mad at me and looks at me like I'm retarded. I just feel like I'm a nobody to him, that he hates my presence. Being pregnant has really only made me more depressed and I don't know if I can handle two children. We had been trying for a baby, it wasn't an unplanned accident. And we didn't talk about his return to the military, which I'm really excited about. It's the one thing that he really enjoys doing, and is happy doing. And I know that the time apart would be good for both of us. We are both extremely loyal-there is no cheating or breaking up involved. But the time apart within the military would improve our relationship, and it would justify his lack of assistance on the homefront so I wouldn't get so angry about it. I just feel so alone and cast aside. All I want is a hug and a sincere I love you or even an honest thank you.
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female
reader, MissSoul777 +, writes (16 January 2011):
Wow. I'm so sorry!!! My last boyfriend was taken by dumb vidio games too. at first it was tollerable but as some as he stopped taking care of responsiblities like house work or animal i freaked and felt exacty like you do now. waht i did was that i first talked to him about it, and when that did absolutely nothing, (a month later) i flat out told him that things were going to change or we were going to have serious problems, and when that still didnt work i sat down and told him i was going to leave him and told him exactly why and of course he begged me not to, so i told him i'd gave him 2 weeks to prove to me that i should stay. And he still couldnt pull it together, so i stuck to my threat and left. after that he would not stop bugging me, demanding to tell me why i left and promissing up and down that he'd change. i knew better, he would maybe try harder for a month and go right back to it. so i told him that if he couldn't let it go and not say anything about it again then he was no longer able to even speak to me or be my friend. and i haven't heard from him since. point blank, your man isnt going to be able to stay in the military forever, he either needs to grow up with your help or grow up the hard way on his own. that kind of man is no good for any girl, or her children. i'd say do whatever it takes to get him out of your life as soon as possible, men like that dont change and you deserve so much better. especially with you being pregnant and haveing children. they are the ones that need your love, attention, and to show them hope, happiness, and responsiblity and kindness themselves. in that inviornment they will never get to learn those things. you have to think about the examples your setting for them and right now they're not good ones. i know it will be tough to do it all on your own, but there are many options for help these days for single mothers. it may take a half a year or so to get on your way to being set up and get back out of debt, but in the long run it'll definately be worth it and you'll be much happier. plus you'll always be able to look back on this and be proud of yourself for accomplishing it and doing it on your own.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): you both have to improve your level of communication...now...he's being selfish and careless and you are here seeking for help when he should be listening to you and trying to find a solution..
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