A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a very good friend. He was my first love, 10 years ago, and we have kept in touch ever since. He means a lot to me, I love him, we usually get on and he makes me howl with laughter. We also have similar interests and ideals etc. Basically we're very compatible, but for me, there isn't really a big sexual attraction to him, as I have seen him as a friend.We've been speaking more often. I'd been wondering about a relationship with him. We got drunk one night and ended up in bed. He said to me, if we're both not married by like 30, would you marry me and that he feels the same, we are really compatable etc. But I feel like that question basically says, I like you enough that I think I could live with you, and you'd make me happy, and unless I find someone better I'd be happy to marry you. But for me, I don't want to marry for those reasons, it seems very unromantic. I think there should be some passion at least.So I'm confused. A lot of me wants to be with him, but 1 have reservations. I know I could grow to love him and fancy him again. But I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do. I definitely want to keep him in my life. I'm just a bit afraid of going down the road and it ending awkwardly and getting hurt. He dumped me the first time, and there must be some reason for that, like, he likes me, but something wasn't quite right. I don't know, maybe I'm worrying to much and I should just see what happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I am worrying too much I know. I am a worrier. Marriage is really not an issue right now. I would like to one day, but I'm in no rush. Which is why I was thrown when I remembered he asked me that. I'd been thinking that we could have a great relationship because of how well we get on, things in common etc etc. And he said what I was thinking too, but asking me that question was kind of like an insult to me.
Well, since then he has taken me out on dates and we've hung out and we seem to be dating. We've made plans to visit each other when we can. I am happy about this and I do like him a lot, he makes me feel good and I love hanging out. But I want to mean more than just an, "if we're not married by whenever, why not?" I think he was serious, at least partly. He has been talking in the past about wanting to settle down and find a life partner. I had suspected he was considering me that way. Something is happening between us, it's just a bit confusing as I am having mixed feelings.
Oh well, what will be, will be, regardless.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2014):
 Yep I had a "I'll marry you by 30" buddy too. I would NEVER have married him.
Never settle. Unless you don't take marriage seriously.
So WHAT if you are not married by 30?
And I agree you are taking it to literal and too serious.
You say :
"I know I could grow to love him and fancy him again."
No, just no. Why would you DO that to yourself?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 August 2014):
 I think you are actually worrying too much , aren't you taking this a bit too seriously ?
I mean, are you sure he was dead serious about this ?.. It's one of those things people say, it's more like a joke than a marriage proposal..... Everybody has got an " I'll marry you by 30 " buddy !, I surely had mine, and all my friends too.. and we all ended up marrying somebody else :). I remember there was also a whole Friends episode all centered on the choice of the " marry by 30 " partner !
Anyway, IF he was talking seriously ,( I don't think so, but you never know ), no, then it would not be a good idea.
One should not marry by default, or out of desperation, or because they could not find anybody better but the one they are marrying is decent enough.
Marrying is not mandatory . ( And it's not even all a romantic bed of roses ). You do not HAVE to get married , by 30 or by any other age.. So, if you do not do it because you really, really want that person badly - why doing it at all.
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