A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Would you mind if your husband was looking at very scantily clad girls on Instagram? He only seems to do it when I'm asleep and has liked a few of the pictures. I know he's married and not blind and I don't have an issue when he notices a pretty woman walk by, I don't particularly have an issue with porn it just feels weird I think because it's on social media and I don't think he's messaging them but could if he wanted to. Am I overthinking this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2023): I think you have every right to be annoyed about this, I find it disrespectful tbh.
Okay wee aren't stupid wee know men look, I have had this conversation with my own partner before I have said I don't expect you to be blind of course you are going to see people walking past. However do not disrespect me, stare or flirt ect or in your case okay he came across across the photo but does he really have to like it? Can't he scroll past? That's where he would be crossing the line for me.
I would have a conversation with him and let him know where your boundaries are and what makes you feel uncomfortable. I have been here too with my own partner so I know how you feel. Your feelings on this are valid.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2023): My opinion won’t be popular, and even kind of harsh, but I don’t care.
Just because something is considered “normal” doesn’t make it right. (A lot of men like to use that as an excuse to dismiss it as being no big deal.) I don’t buy it. Doing this is a want, NOT a need. It shows a lack of self control, especially for a married man. Yes, I judge married men who do this as being in the wrong, and their “reasons” really don’t matter to me. This is especially true if they’re interacting with the images, and yes, a “like” is interaction, no matter how small. If a man doesn’t want to give up his habits from when he was single, he should’ve remained single. No sense in getting married if you aren’t going to act like you’re married. It’s one thing to notice an attractive woman (or man) if they happen to cross your path. It’s another to go seeking temptation when you’re in your own home.
Even if you never have to worry about one of the women giving him the time of day, it’s still a safe bet if one DID, he wouldn’t be able to pass up the “opportunity.” Men place women like this on a pedestal. They see them as goddesses instead of human beings. For a lot of men, this is their ideal woman (looks-wise, that is.) So no, most of them wouldn’t “pass” on a woman like this if they got a chance, especially if they thought they wouldn’t get caught. All of you who are telling yourselves otherwise are kidding yourselves.
I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing I’m not a guy’s type physically and he feels he “needs” these women to supplement, if he is committed to me. I wouldn’t try to stop him, as I’m not controlling, but I’d let him go. Sure, you can keep doing this if it’s so important to you, but not on my time! I don’t play around, I know the guy will just hide it and keep doing it anyway. Some may say that my standards are too high. But I know what I want, and I stand by it. In my opinion, you should too. You know you want a partner that isn’t interested in doing this, or at the very least, would give it up out of respect for his partner. Part of being married involves making sacrifices, and it’s not even like this is a big one. I mean, for crying out loud, if you’re one of the women who is “okay with” or at least tolerates porn use, that should be enough “extra” for him!
I know I’m being hard on him (and other men who do this.) But this is my honest opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2023): I have no idea what your marriage is like.
When my husband was depressed and dissatisfied with himself and his life in general he watched porn, but he never used social networks.
When he speaks about this period he makes a clear connection between leading a life he was not happy with and his habit. (he hated his job and felt trapped by it)
Watching porn is one thing, but salivating over women on social networks is another. Porn is fiction, but this is more real, even though it is not reality. It's one step from actually doing something about it.
Our good friend started like that and then, still married, moved on to "dating apps", found another equally desperate person and they both blew up their lives. Now they are miserable together, because they have been miserable as people, creating bad relationships to begin with. Sad thing is, they both had kids in previous marriages.
I wouldn't treat this lightly. Things grow if wee feed them. Social network addiction is a serious thing and it is often connected to sex in some of its forms.
Unfortunatelly, some men as they age use this virtual space to "explore", but at soem point it becomes not enough.
It's one thing to notice beautiful and attractive peopel when they walk by, but to actively seek them out on social networks speaks a lot about your husbands needs and thought patterns.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (7 June 2023):
 In my opinion i don't think it right or appropriate that he does this, especially when your asleep.
With porn these are fictitious characters, but the scantily clad woman on instagram are real, that he could potentially follow, or send messages too.
No i don't think your over thinking this. If you were doing the reverse i am sure he would have something to say about it.
He a married man, not a young free singleton still living at home, i find it disrespectful to be honest.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2023): In my opinion, you’re definitely overthinking it. It’s no different from someone looking at porn, or even an intimate scene in a movie. They’re all just media for people to consume. The scantily clad women on instagram are no different. I’m sure he’s not messaging them, and if he did, they probably wouldn’t reply.
Personally, I wouldn’t like or follow any such pictures/accounts, just because others would be able to see that I had, and people do judge. But personally, I think there’s nothing wrong with it.
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