A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I met this girl. Real pretty. Grew up in Europe (Czech Rep.). Dated a few times. Then she tells me about her sugar daddies.For those who dont know a sugar daddy is an older man who gives money to young women in exchange for sexual favors. She did not have one. Or two. Or even five. She had about 25 since age 21 until 27. She said she didnt like it but she had to have the money.She still refers to them as old friends tho. Says to her a friend is someone who makes life easier for her.Why couldnt she get a job? What makes these people friends?I dont know if I can date her again. This thing has been eating at me. But for her it is not a big deal. It's just something that happened, and it does not bother her.So here are my questions:Is this normal in Eastern Europe?Should I be bothered or is this just because I am in a puritanical country?Would this affect her present relationship with me or the way she views men? (Is it a red flag?)Thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): I suspect it was you that asked almost the same question last December:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-there-anything-wrong-with-a-young-woman.htmlIf you are the guy who posted the prior question, and you still have not been able to resolve this issue in your mind, it seems to me it's time to forget about her and move on.If you are not the same guy, my advice is to forget about her and move on. It obviously bothers you a lot, and you're not able to get over it. You will drive yourself crazy if you try to have a relationship with her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): I wouldn't date her. She call tell you her history is normal and she had legit reasons but that doesn't make it so.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Actually, I think the answer to this is a lot easier than you might think. Don't date her. You have a problem with this, and don't feel good about it, and that's all there is to it. Whether or not it is common in Eastern Europe, or if you live in a very puritanical country or not, all that is irrelevant. You are who you are and she is who she is, and you don't match. Easy as that. Just stay true to what you are, and tell her that you just don't see a future with her, but that she is a lovely person and you can stay friends (which is the classic line of rejecting someone, I do not insinuate that you sleep with her).
What she did isn't bad to her, and it's no ones business telling her this or that is bad either. But, you don't like it, which is fair enough, no one has a right to tell you what you should and shouldn't accept either. You need to find someone who matches YOUR beliefs, and she needs to find someone who matches HER beliefs. The two of you don't match, so fair enough, no one is to blame, just move on to someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): No, it's not an Eastern European custom. Anyone who claims it is has never visited Slavic countries or known Slavic people. Sure there are women that are materialistic and want rich men, but then again, which country is exempt from that? None.
It could very well have been part of her past; something she no longer does. At the same time, it takes a special, materialistic, and you could say, a shady character, to do it in the first place. If her choices bother you on an ethical level, you should leave her. If you want to give her a chance, you should be objective. Does she work? Is she still accepting money or gifts from her "friends" or other people? Do you have money and do you feel she is dating you because of it? Does she demand nice restaurants or gifts? Just be careful.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 "Says to her a friend is someone who makes life easier for her."
Says it all.
I would stay clear.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 I'd(if I were you) get her checked for S.T.D.s then go forward,I mean so what if she has a past that may have been "survival mode" At least you have a gal that's honest about her past and not trying to pass herself off as some virgin-like innocent gal that doesn't know her way around the bedroom(like someone I'm all too familiar with). Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 There are sugar daddies everywhere in the world. They are popular among teen models who need lavish accessories and a lifestyle they can't afford on their own.
She went through 4 sugar daddies on average in a year. It would raise a question of why she wants to be with you. Is she past the age of a spring chicken that she has to figure out an alternative way to make life easier? It's certain she can separate love from sex but can she put two together though?
She chose you, and not another old fart, because she wants to quit her previous ways and start normal life, family and kids, etc. But she keeps them as friends just in case something goes wrong in her life she got people to bail her out.
We all make mistakes in life and ideally no one should be stereotyped. Dates should be lighthearted and fun. She surely shared a lot of bothersome details with you. I don't blame you on having reservations. If there is another date maybe you should talk about something else that has nothing to do with money. A person with depth should be able to converse just about anything. In many countries women are taught to be dependent on men. How successful a woman is depends on how beautiful and submissive she is. Not here in North America. She lives in USA now and not back in Eastern Europe, so she has to adapt new ways of thinking. You have to decide later whether she is fixed in her thinking, or could she use some guidance of yours. You might find out you can learn something from her too.
You have many choices in girls. Unless you are in for a challenge I don't see why you should get attached to her too soon. In the meantime you can tell her you'd appreciate someone who is more self sufficient, and see how she replies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Yes, it's common in Eastern Europe. It's very tough for most of the people living there. I'd say about 90% of the prostitutes here in Germany are from this area.
If you like her, why not date her? Just make sure to use a condom or have her tested for diseases before having unprotected sex with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): 1. This is not the norm in Eastern Europe
2. I am from Eastern Europe and it would bother me too
3. don't know but it certainly bothers you and that is enouth to end the relationship
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 With her complicated backgroundS,you should be bother. Think & discuss first with friends.Can you accept the way she is,both the good& bad? The way she treats them, might affect your relationships for sure
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): This is normal on the US, I ahve been proposed this various times. They offer to pay tuition, boarding and help you through college. Lookup Sugar daddies and you will see there are a LOT of these dating sites heere on us of "mutual gratification" also look on Craigslist and you will see it. I would not tell me BFs about it, but that was her past, as long as she doesnt do it any more!!!
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