A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Background: Earlier this year in May, a childhood female friend of mine got back in touch with me after 10 years of being apart. We both grew up in Virginia. I found out that she lives in South Carolina now, but was visiting VA in a couple of weeks in late May for a weekend. When she came up we hung out for a couple days, some sparks flew, but eventually she went back to South Carolina. I started talking to her after that while she was living her life in SC, and really enjoyed talking to her. I eventually made plans to visit her about 3-4 weeks later after talking to her everyday. It's at this point where I think we are in a "committed relationship." Between her leaving from her visit and me planning to visit her I hung out with another girl and slept with her (this was about a week or two after my girlfriend left VA). At the time I didn't feel I was in a relationship. My girlfriend even said early on (this was in May/June) that she doesn't care what I do up here in VA but don't tell her about it and just give her my undivided attention when I'm with her.My question: Do you consider this cheating and should I tell her about this one time encounter? This is the only time this has happened, and I've hinted to her in the past that I had to stop hanging out with some "friends" in order to not irritate or make her jealous.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): @thewalkin'dude - I mean that when she left VA we weren't automatically in a committed relationship, right? We've never had a discussion where we were like "Ok, starting right NOW we are girlfriend / boyfriend." We did start to refer to each other as "girlfriend / boyfriend" a few months after May. When she said "not to tell her about what I was up to in VA" she definitely meant with other girls.
@tennisstart88 - at that time, that discussion or gf/bf references hadn't taken place.
Thanks everyone for your answers, I really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 November 2010):
 I'm with walkingdude, how do you think you're in a committed relationship? It has to be discussed before you call yourselves official. Then you feel you weren't in a relationship?
If you two didn't have a discussion about being boyfriend/girlfriend then no you were not in a relationship when you slept with this other girl. You were in the seeing/getting to know each other phase. Therefore, sleeping with that other girl is not cheating. No need to own up to it, since it happened before her time.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (11 November 2010):
 It sounds like you're not quite sure where the relationship is, which leads me to believe it was still unofficial and not exclusive. If that's the case, it's not cheating. If it is, after you two have had 'the talk' and everything, it's cheating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): How do you mean you "think" you were in a committed relationship before this happened? You must have discussed it with your girlfriend and seeing as you call her your "girlfriend" i'd assume you should be committed to her.
When your girlfriend said not to tell her about what you get up to in VA did she mean other girls or just you getting up to no good with friends, getting drunk etc...? I doubt she would be ok with you sleeping with another girl.
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