A
male
age
51-59,
*r.Worry
writes:I need some help.My girlfriend seems to like submission.I've asked her about it,she says she doesn't HAVE to have it to be satisfied.However,out of ex's the one that broke her heart was the one that liked to have her submit.On her myspace page,she changes her background a lot,it's ALWAYS a woman tied up.She even has 'SWEET SUBMISSION"written on her page.I simply CAN NOT treat a woman this way even if it's what they want.I have a very hard time even with just light spanking.I can plainly see what she wants even though she says she doesn't have to have it.What do you think makes woman want this?Abuse?Sexual abuse?Rape?I didn't come out and ask her,but she told me how great her childhood was with no abuse.Since I simply CAN NOT give her this,and I know she wants it,actions speak louder than words,will she eventually cheat to get it?I love her but is this relationship doomed?I'd do anything not to lose her,but I can't treat a woman this way.Am i a wimp?Would most guys jump at the chance to treat a woman this way?I swear I just don't understand this.I have not and will not have rough sex.I guess this will cause me to lose her.Someone please help me.....
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female
reader, Light  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 Mr. Worry - I feel like shaking you sometimes lol....;p
Chill, the most important thing is believe what you think is true about yourself, be honest even if it hurts.]
- Your girlfriend has chosen to be with you not to have sex, and do all that other stuff mentioned above.
- She chose you because of you personality, and you seem to give her more satisfaction by the way you treat her, she obviously values you more, than any other guy in her past which is why she says that she didn't like it, no matter what size...
Life is too short to worry, live life as if it's your last and just be brother...
All the best. xox
A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (27 April 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks Light,I'm in therapy right now trying to get some self esteem.Hopefully I'll soon be able to believe what people say about me and start to see some worth in myself.I certainly don't want to lose her due to lack of self esteem.She has told me over and over that I'm the only one who can make her leave me not guys and things I'm jealous of.Is that ironic or what?
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A
female
reader, Light +, writes (27 April 2008):
Hey Mr. Worry
Sorry I couldn't reply have been sick with the flue yuck!!!!
When you mention that you have asked your girlfriend "why me? Her answer is the truth she id telling you the truth, because my husband askd me the same thing, I said exactly the same thing your girlfriend said to you.
Just be more confident in yourself, there is nothing more sexier than seeing a man believing and looking confiedently no matter of his physical appearance.
I am sorry for not answering you correctly before, as I didn't know this much about you, either way I think your a beautiful person with a big heart, you need to be more positive about yourself, and you need to care for your self first and love yourself first before you can love externally....
Dude I really wish you the best of everything life has on offer for you, just remember though the more you tell your you hold yourself back from lack of confidence and not believing what your girl says about you, the more you will lose her. Believe her and act and do what you are capible of doing....
All the best hun xox
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A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (25 April 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk,I really can't think of a way to explain this.I know I CAN physically do it but in my entire life I have never been able to be the way she wants me to be.First off,I'm disabled from a car accident.I can walk but I have no ankle bones,hence no leverage,Second I have a paralized right arm,so no throwing her on the bed.She wants me to say things like"bitch suck my cock"and wants me to hold her down and screw her very hard.She seems to like pain.After asking her about her ex's,she finally told me.I should have NEVER asked:( One of them was sporting 12 inches.I'm sure it was more,she just didn't want to hurt my feelings.She also said he was the worst lay in her life.YEAH RIGHT!!Another lie to make not make me not feel so bad.I begged her to see pics of these guys.They were all big strong guys and looked nothing like me.If she likes pain these guys could give it to her.She would not tell me how big these other guys were,so common sense tells me they were big too.I'm 8 inches and these guys were bigger than me!I thought I had enough.I never wanted to be any bigger until I saw these guys! There's a pattern to the type of guy she likes.I look nothing like these guys at all.I've asked her several times,"why me?"She always says my personality,sense of humor and the way I treat other people,even strangers.She says sex is not that important.Now you know that's not true.Everyone wants good sex and they want what they want.I had an ex several years back who wanted me to role play and rape her.I could not do that,so she ended up cheating on me.I trust my current g/f not to cheat but I know if something is denied and missing eventually you go get what you want from another.Now do you see my concerns?Trying to do this for her would be like if she wanted to use a strap-on and screw me!Could I physically do that?Yes.Would I want to do that or enjoy it?HELL NO!!What she wants is something I just can't do....
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 April 2008):
 A good compromise for you two may be getting a long silk scarf. You can use to it blindfold, to tie (lightly, to begin with) up, to tease. It's a little softer than the traditional BDSM gear, and might be a little easier for you to handle. Just remember that you both love each other and respect each other and just have fun together.
You got some great advice from the other Aunts -- just throwing in another suggestion!
Good luck and have fun, sweetness!
xx India
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A
female
reader, Light +, writes (25 April 2008):
If my husband didn't do what I wanted, i would firstly ask hime why not?
Then even if he explains his reasons, I wouldn't believe him, I would think that I'm not good enough, fat, or put him off, hey that's just me, may be diffrent for other girls I don't know.........
and by the way Mr. Worrie there is no such thing as can't, it's CAN CAN CAN, be more positive dude, it will do you wounders......
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A
female
reader, Light +, writes (25 April 2008):
Mr. Worry Why cann't you do that?
What is the real reason?
That is what i would ask my husband?
Look deep down and reflect about it, you may not get the answer to the reason yet it may take time, what is the real reason to why you cant do it.... I know you have mentioned some, However I think there is more to it....
If there isn't let go dude, your holding on to something that is stressing you for nbo reason, life is to short to worry all the time, my god if she wants it give it to her, even on a silver platter with respect of course...
Let me knwo either way ok
peace.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Worry +, writes (25 April 2008):
Mr.Worry is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's good advice Light but if you'll take another look,I said I CAN'T treat her or any other woman that way even playing or role playing.I can do anything else,just not that.What I'm saying is,if she wants that and I can't give it to her,will she leave me?Or God forbid cheat on me to get what she has to have even if she won't admit it.Not to be nosey what would you do if your husband could not do that?Sorry if that was too personal Light.
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A
female
reader, Light +, writes (24 April 2008):
Well said girls I agree....I am exactly like this girl you have described however I have been married faithfully to my husbvand for almost 9 years, and I like my man to take full control, and hit me with moves (not abuse hit) that I don't expect 'that keeps the sex exciting'.Try it and see how she reacts, you will no either way if she likes it or not....Just be confident inyourself, and relax and take control, give it to her when she leasts expects it, like while your eating dinner at home, or having a shower or while she is on the phone.A great one would be to start massarging her first, get her body to relax, that would also make her tickle a little down her and get her prepared for your manly actions....Let us know how you go either way....All the best.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 April 2008):
This is a fetish, and most guys would question fetishes, just like you.
You are so sweet for worrying about this and worrying about hurting her.
Everyone is different but I will give you my perspective on what could be in her head. I could be wrong, but it might help you understand a bit anyway.
She had a nice childhood and has probably been brought up to be a Good, Nice Girl.
Now, good nice girls are not supposed to enjoy having lots of sex, because sex is a bit dirty. However, if they are being "made" to submit by a man then it allows them to loosen up and really let go.
It's not real submission or roughness or pain she wants. She just wants to pretend. She wants you to be all manly and masterful, not be abusive.
You don't have to get chains and whips out. Just kiss her hard and tell her to stay still or hold her hands above her head and growl at her a bit.
It's a game to play.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (24 April 2008):
 She is just kinky and enjoys what you call Sado Masochism.
Loads of people have some sort of fetish, eg rubber, feet, high heeled boots etc. If you are not comfortable with it just tell her.
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