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female
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anonymous
writes: I lived with my boyfriend and he threw me out of his house, entirely devastating me. He said he couldn't handle being with me. I can never forgive him for what he did but we do still see each other.I have ended up living some where I don't want to be and because I have always lived my life giving to other people, I just don't know how to live now. My life before did revolve around him. He doesn't want to be with me all the time and sees me as clingy.I would do anything to have a life separate from him; I have joined a group, I am looking at my career...I don't know what else to do. I feel so lonely and unhappy. I want to be totally independent and I want it to be that I have to fit him into my life as opposed to the other way around.Please help, how do I do this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (2 May 2006):
 You need to develop things away from him a little then this will increase your self confidence and self esteem, as it sounds as if you have little of either.
Why do you feel the need to change yourself? Have you thought that maybe he needs to change the way he behaves as well? And if he is not prepared to and all teh *work* comes from you, maybe he doesn't actually desevre to have you. Did he try to talk to you about how he felt before kicking you out of the home you shared. If not, why not? Do you think this is maybe an excuse to get away with his behaviour?
Stop making excuses for his behaviour and yours. You are living somewhere you dont want to live....then what is stopping you finding somewhere you DO want to live? It isn't him it is you!
Go to the gym, start a course at night school/uni. Get in touch with old family and friends you ahve lost contact with. Dont sit round wishing for your life to change - that is not how it works. You have to MAKE IT HAPPEN.
Good luck
xx
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (2 May 2006):
 Well I think you have taken a few tiny first steps. The key things I would say are:
1) Your own social circle. Even this is people from work who you like to hang out with then that is a healthy start. That way you gain friends who can play an auxillary role to your partner, they are connections that fufill you in a different way.
2) Pursuing your own interests. This is hard beacuse writing here I dont know what they are but try and think of things that make you happy.
Focusing on work too is ok but you have to balance that with a more relaxing side of things. Hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (2 May 2006):
 It sounds like you are already going in the right direction and getting involved in new things. You might want to look into some counselling to help you in the right direction. But until then think about who you want to be. What do you need to change to be that person? Do you need to have him in your life at all to be that person? Time will heal this wound but it has to be allowed to heal.
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