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Would it be wrong make up an alternative story for officials about how we met? She is my fiancée and we met via webcam. She was a webcam model.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Long distance, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 April 2015) 8 Answers - (Newest, 27 April 2015)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I met a woman. She was a webcam model.

We fell in love, got engaged, and now are planning weddings. She is from Russia, me USA.

We applied for fiancé visa and have the interview next week in Moscow.

They will also ask us how we met, but we are worried about her being a webcam model.

Should we make up a story or stick to the truth?

View related questions: engaged, fell in love, fiance, wedding

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 April 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI work for the government. NEVER lie to us. NEVER EVER. we will find out and the punishment is worse than the truth ever will be.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (26 April 2015):

Honeypie agony auntStick to the truth. It would NOT be hard to find out what she did online for anyone with just an ounce of internet savvy...

Whether it's a good idea to marry her, I'll leave that up to you.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (26 April 2015):

Lying won't get her in, it can actually create more trouble.

That being said you have a tough sell ahead of you... I hope you know what you are doing. If she makes it in you're likely going to have a broken heart in a few years.

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (26 April 2015):

Abella agony auntStick to the truth. In any case in order to leave Russia your fiancée will have to supply details of her past employment to the Russian officials, as a requirement before she can leave Russia.

Officials (US and Russian) have heard every possible variation of a lie. They know the signs that help them uncover discrepancies. If they think you are hiding something they are more likely to be extra vigilant and zealous about every little detail.

For instances issues that could trip you up are:

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Does your fiancée have any convictions from the past?

I realise the answer is "probably no convictions" but whatever the case - Disclose the convictions and the officials will have guidelines to help them decide if the convictions are minor or not. Don't try to minimise the convictions if they were serious like domestic violence or offences that resulted in jail time. If a very long time ago you may have a subsequent work history and character references to show that you have led a blameless life ever since.

Make sure that you have on your person all the documents they are likely to ask for when you attend the interview.

Are you intending to marry in Russia or in the US? If you have been married less than two years then the visa will only be valid for a short time before you will have to apply and attend more interviews - same as if your fiancée had remained your fiancée despite any recent marriage.

You need to be truthful about your current income to confirm that you can adequately take care of your fiancée while she is in the US under a fiancée visa.

Has your fiancée previously visited the US and over-stayed her Visa? That would count against her when seeking entry to the US a further time.

If you or your fiancée commit a misrepresentation during the interview then the Visa is likely to be denied.

If you present any document that is later found to be fraudulent then the Visa is likely to be denied.

If, after gaining the Visa, your fiancée then subsequently over-stays the time period allowed for a fiancée Visa then that too may count against your fiancée.

It is a long and fraught process. Telling the truth is the simplest route to follow at all times.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015):

As the petitioner you are dealing with federal immigration authorities. Any lie you tell could land you both in prison. If you plan to return to the United States, you will have to be married within 90-days. American citizens don't just fall in-love with Russian webcam models who need green cards everyday, sir.

You are better off to tell the truth and take your chances with what can be verified.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015):

When you say she's a "webcam model" I assume you mean she's an online stripper whose job is to extract large sums of money from the lonely, desperate men who seek out such entertainment.

I suspect immigration authorities are well-versed in every con scammers like her (and their pimps) pull on suckers like you so they've likely heard every possible iteration of cover story and thus would be able to sniff out anything that doesn't ring true.

If you don't think you're just one of many marks she's stringing along in hopes of getting a ticket to the USA then you are sadly naive. In any event her ultimate goal is to get to this country while taking you for everything you have, and when she's bled you dry she'll dump you in a heartbeat and move on to the next sucker.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (26 April 2015):

YouWish agony auntStick to the truth, but don't offer a detailed description unless it's asked. Just say that you two met online, like millions of other people do.

If they go into detail, then tell the truth. Don't be embarrassed about it, because that's a big business now. There's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's the legitimate truth. The only way they'll look at you suspiciously is if you ACT suspicious, meaning if you whitewash the story and tell lies, you'll look suspicious.

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (26 April 2015):

like I see it agony auntPersonally I would NOT recommend lying about this.

First off, I think you are making a bigger deal of how you met than it actually is. Internet use is quite widespread in modern society and many, MANY people take to the web to meet prospective partners. Online dating is a lot less taboo to fess up to than it once was, and people meet on everything from traditional dating sites to "adult friend" hookup sites. While it's true that webcam modeling is maybe not the most wholesome way of putting oneself out there, it is a legitimate source of income for many women, especially overseas, and a completely credible explanation of how an American man would meet a foreign fiancée without extensive prior time and travel in her country.

More importantly, as two people who are presenting themselves as would-be man and wife, with real and honest love as the motivator for the visa request, you do NOT want to be caught in a lie at any point in this process. Even if they don't fact-check the story you make up in any way, one or both of you looking nervous while telling it is a red flag to the official/s conducting the interview that something is not as it appears. Visa fraud is a legitimate issue and immigration personnel have absolutely been trained in how to detect it. Don't give them any reason to think some part of your application is untrue, as it may delay or even jeopardize entirely the processing of your visa request.

Be honest. If you have a printed copy of her site profile or of e-mails you exchanged while dating, I'd even consider bringing those. They will help you demonstrate a timeline and the evolution of the relationship. Any pictures you have together from outings or trips that you've taken would also be worth bringing along, or pictures of you visiting her family and vice versa. Basically, you want to be able to show that you didn't just meet this woman a few days ago and accept money from her in exchange for help getting a green card.

Good luck and best wishes for your life together!

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