A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee and I are getting married later this year and we are currently planning the wedding together. we are working on a guest list, and he suggested the other day that we invite this one girl who we havent really spoken to for years. Back when we did hang out with her he had a very big crush on her and it caused a lot of hurt feelings between us because i had to watch them flirting, her hugging and touching him, etc. He admitted to me back then that he liked her and i told him i didnt want them hanging out on a one-on-one basis anymore because i was worried about his fidelity. He agreed but we still saw her at parties and such every now and then. for the most part it was ok but it sometimes felt tense. I admit to being jealous of their little interactions and his crush on her. It made me very uncomfortable though looking back it may have been a bit of an overreaction to ask him to stop hanging out with her alone altogether.Anyway, the last time we saw her must have been three or four years ago and our relationship has become better over that period (he proposed to me a year and a half ago after we both felt we had worked out most of our biggest problems), but this suggestion of his has sort of caught me offguard. i dont really want her there because i feel like if i see her there it might sort of ruin my big day... i dont like her because she used to flirt with my fiancee... Is it unreasonable for me to tell him "no", not to invite her? I'm not even sure why he suggested her, i asked him and he said that he was just throwing out names. I asked if the two of them have even spoken recently and he said no. So why does he want to invite her? should i be worried? should i invite her anyway and trust that nothing will go wrong? thanks for the advice, i want some feedback before he and i finalize the guestlist and send out our invites next weekend!xxxxxx
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 Good Gawd, don't invite her! It was poor of him to even suggest it. What is he thinking about--One last fling before he gets hitched? The two of you need to steer clear of her from now on. She has no place in your lives. Have a great wedding.
A
male
reader, JohnR  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 You are completely within your rights to 'not' invite her. Anyone in your lives that will either bring up 'bad' memories, or just a general uncomfortable feeling at the wedding should not be there. Your fiancee probably was just mentioning all the people he could think of so as not to leave someone out. I wouldn't make anything of it. Just tell him, 'I think we'll just her name off the list'.
Keep in mind however, anyone you don't invite who thinks that they are your friend will probably drop out of your life. Although in this case, it sounds like she mostly already is.
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A
female
reader, KatieBird +, writes (8 January 2008):
If you are marrying this guy, you shoudl feel completely comfortable to tell him "no" and to explain why. I am also getting married later this year, and experienced a similar situation. Both of us come from fairly large families, and in order to keep the guest list down we needed to eliminate some unecessary guests. I have known my fiance for over ten years, but we have only dated for the past two years...so I'd say I know who his friends are. Anyone on the list that I had never heard of, nor had we interacted with for the two years of dating was pretty much automatically off the list unless he could come up with a really good explination on why I had never met the person. Then we got down to these three girls that we went to high school with, one of which I know he casually dated while in college. (btw we have only dated after college was over) I asked why it was necessary to invite someone that he had feelings for at one time, and he said: I guess it isn't necessary. That's it. She was off the list. No fights, no questions, done. If your fiance truly cares for you, he will understand and will not put up a fight. If he does have an issue...you may want to reconsider marrying him. He should be putting your feelings before the feelings of his old flame. Don't feel like you are hurting your fiance's feelings. It is both yours and his wedding, and if one of the guests would make you uncomfortable...they shouldn't be there. It is your big day, and you shouldn't have to deal with that issue. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Franci  +, writes (8 January 2008):
Do not allow you big day to be spoilted!!!
On weddings we invite people that we like and are happy for us,usualy people that we know in common. And ex girlfriends and people that upset us should even have they nae down on the list of guests
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